To be freaking out at losing freedom/being a rubbish parent now I'm pregnant

[Binkybix]

This week I unexpectedly found out that I'm about 10 weeks pregnant. I am happy, but my primary emotion is freaking out! I know it's silly, and I think it's because I dwell on the negative, but I keep dreaming that I have twins and I've not got anything to look after them and have to carry them around in plastic bags!

DH and I were also talking about travelling for a year before this happened and I keep thinking that I won't ever get the chance to do things like that again. Or go to exciting places on holiday.

I know I am being unreasonable really and am very lucky but I'm on my own for the first time since finding out and am freaking out a bit. Just wanted a bit of hand-holding and more people seem to go on this part of the forum. Pregnancy all seems to be about physical pregnancy things.

Someone please tell me that I won't be carrying her/him around in a plastic bag and that they have managed to have some freedom after having a baby!!

[iismum]

Proud - I totally agree. If you say you are not drinking everyone will assume you are pregnant. If you just accept drinks, no one will notice if you actually drink them. I watered many plant pots and did lots I sneaky switches with DH. I even went to a dinner party in the very early days where I had several top-ups and ended up with an empty glass (because DH was sitting opposite and we kept our glasses close together and switched frequently).

[Binkybix]

5! Devere 5!! Brave lady.

iismum sounds good. I actually do love water parks!

You actually are all helping me to feel better. Apart from proud on the birth!!

[lannyshrops]

(silly phone!)
I refuse to let a child take over my life, we'll adapt of course, but if my cousin can manage not to eat, breathe and sleep her children and live through them, so can I!
You'll be fine!

[Binkybix]

lanny sounds like we are similar boats.

Good idea on the drinking - although I find it hard to have it near me and not drink. I keep wanting red wine, because I know I can't really have it although obvs I did for the first 10 weeks

[jamdonut]

I used to have the weirdest dreams when I was pregnant, and they were very vivid and seemed totally real,then I woke up!!
I felt I would never be able to look after a baby, I wasn't 'maternal' in any way ,shape or form. But that quickly changed.
I would suggest,though, you learn to let others (i.e. family members and trusted friends) look after your child from time to time, so that you can still have some 'freedom'. That is the way I have managed. Both mine and DH's parents were happy to have very small children/babies to stay and coped admirably. (And why shouldn't they cope? They are experienced!) I love my children to bits,but I trust others to look after spoil them too, and it doesn't mean that I found separation from them easy, but I NEEDED time as my own person. You may find it totally different when you have had your baby,though.

[Binkybix]

jam I am very much planning to let others look after him/her, although who can know how they'll feel when the time comes!

DH's sisters are very excited and have already offered to babysit, which is good news.

[cheekydevil]

But you are only 23. By the time your dc goes off to uni you will only be in your thirties! It's perfect, you ate young enough to have the energy to enjoy them and young enough to do whatever you like in your forties.
I used to dream I left my baby in the spare room and forgot about it so when I got pregnant at 39 I still felt too irresponsible.
Funny things just work out. I can't wait to take my dd to the maldives and Malysia etc as soon as we have finished doing up our New house.
There are so many exciting things to do when you have your dc.
Enjoy, a lot of women cry themselves to sleep every night wishing they were in your shoes.
Congratulations!

[StepAwayFromTheORANGECakes]

carrier bags! don't be silly..... you need one of those stronger bags for life congrats.

[cerealqueen]

YANBU.
I still feel like that.

I too had the dreams where DD was telling me off for my parenting, and that she was a very mature toddler. I think she was being my mum, who has passed away. Very freaky.

[Binkybix]

Me? I'm not 23!

I know I am lucky and that others (including those I know) would love to be pregnant. That's one of the reasons I felt guilty about feeling freaked out.

Yummy Maldives - we went there on honeymoon. Was lovely. Am thinking of trying to sneak in a trip to Malaysia over xmas, but prob unrealistic.

[Binkybix]

cereal don't answer if you don't want to, but did being pregnant make you think of your mum more? My mum also died and I'm defo thinking about her more than I have for a long time.

[GhostofMammaTJ]

I didn't freak out so much at the early stage. It was on the hour long journey to hospital while in labour. I was quiet, as I usually am on journeys. As we got near the hospital I announced in all seriousness 'I've changed my mind, I don't want to do this, let's go home!'. Funnily enough my now ExH wouldn't.

[cheekydevil]

Gawd sorry op don't know where I got 23 from?
We have already taken dd to cayo coco and on a cruise it was a doddle. She was way better behaved than most of the adults around us. Entertainment is the key along with an inflatable bath and a portable DVD player and plenty of pens and paper.
It seems unrealistic when you are where you are now but you can do anything you like within reason obv.

[Binkybix]

I wish I was 23!

[Orenishii]

I'm 32 and 3 days away from my due date with my first. I am still having "I've changed my mind!" moments but I reckon it's because we don't know yet all these amazing feelings we're going to experience. All I can see in my worst fears is the massive change, and I am very much a creature of habit!

But OP, trust in what all these ladies are saying - they've been there, they have children, they know :) Life is definitely what you make it, and your children will be used to the upbringing you provide for them - if that's jetting off on travels every year, they'll be experienced globetrotters by the time they are 5

We live in London and could never hope to buy, despite having very good jobs with above average salaries. This still bothers me, and I still get upset at still renting. But again, life is what you make it - not owning is not the end of the world. It doesn't bother DH in the slightest, he is much more comfortable being a rolling stone in that respect. But he's also had his moments - he had a mini freakout out his lack of discipline of completing a course and said "God if I can't even do this, how am I going to be a father??"

But you have to have faith, and trust that once they are here, your little baby and you and your DH will find your way. A way that is truly yours, good and bad.

[shellshock7]

MIL at birth You've just give me the shivers

[MrsKeithRichards]

I'm waiting a could of years before going back to Malaysia so ds2, who is only 5 months, can enjoy the new Lego land that's just opened!

[LittleBairn]

binky there are plenty of families who have travelled the world with their kids for a year+ I personally know of one family who sailed around the world with their 6 kids!

[Cadmum]

I shudder to think what we might have done without our four if they have limited our options.

Dh completed his masters degree when ds1 was a baby and we have never slowed down. We have lived in 7 countries including 2 amazing years in Cambodia...

I am expecting a fifth and only somewhat more trepidatious as our youngest is now 6 (so long out of nappirs) and we are planning another big move ever farther from friends and family.

What you are feeling is normal but I can say from experience that you needn't be overly worried. Babies are especially portable! Teenagers on the other hand deserve more stability. (at least in our experience)

[Binkybix]

Thanks all. So many helpful messages from everyone. Really appreciate you sharing your experiences/fears/stories of life post-children!

TBH the fact is that I've had plenty of time to travel if I wanted to and I didn't - so it's probably just thinking now that the option's gone that I now think I want to. I think this has become the focus of my wider concerns because it's tangible.I will miss the nice holidays we had which we prob won't be able to afford for a while again, but of course I'll be getting a lot of different good things in return.

My DH is much more relaxed about it than me maybe because he doesn't need to squeeze a baby out of his bits and he has said similar.

[Drizzleit]

When I was pregnant I worried about all the things I'd have to give up when the baby was here but if I'd known how much fun it would be and how happy it'd make me I'd have done it years ago. What helped the most was learning to rely on DP instead of trying to do everything myself. And telling him what I was thinking and feeling instead of expecting him to magically know...

[Alligatorpie]

We didn't stop traveling with dc's. We spent 2 months backpacking around indonesia when dd1 was 4 months old.
Dd2 is now 4 months and has been to four countries.

[Phineyj]

OP, well, I decided to retrain as a teacher, then got pregnant so now I have no 'life' left to miss and having a baby is beginning to seem like it might be a relaxing break...

I do have the stupid dreams though. Last night it was losing my 4 year old niece in a park - again and again in different scenarios.

Hope you feel better soon.