to still send DD to see her dad?

[CharleeWarlee]

DD (4) goes to her dads for the weekend. He picks her up on a Friday after school and bring her back Sunday evenings.

However, for the last 4 weeks I have had tears every Friday morning saying she doesnt want to go to her Dads, she doesnt like it there, he always shouts at her and she will miss me too much.

I must add that when me and her dad split up 2 years ago she hated coming home to me, would put the waterworks on while her dad dropped her off but would be fine as soon as the door was shut and her dad had gone.

I feel so bad sending her to school knowing that she doesnt want to go.
I spoke to her teacher this morning to ask if she was ok when her dad picked her up (thinking maybe she just played the waterworks to me and was fine when her dad picked her up) and explained that I'd had tantrums every morning because of her not wanting to go. The teacher has said that she cries at the end of the day when she sees its her dad picking her up :(

I feel that if she makes the decision not to want to go to her dads then I should listen to this and speak to her dad about it? (she is more of a 7 year old than a 4 year old - very grown up for her age mentally)

Ijust want to know what you think?

[olgaga]

olgaga, he might get an order for every weekend, as it is now the status quo

Not in my experience. The courts do take into account the needs and wishes of the child changing as they get older.

In any case, there's no indication that this would end up in court. If it is impossible to agree between you, OP, I would suggest mediation first.

I would also make an appointment to discuss the situation with DD's teacher, so that she and the TA are aware that your DD might need a little extra monitoring/attention. Also there is usually a designated teacher who can act as a counsellor/welfare person, and you DD might benefit from discussing the situation through play.

[cestlavielife]

so long as her hands are washed after fishing / being in dirty house she should be fine? presumably it is only extremities that pick up dirt in these places not her body which is covered in clothes? i dont think mentioning baths is going to get you anywhere - she gets one when she comes home right?

[CharleeWarlee]

Of course she does. I wont kick up a fuss about the bath situation, because that is just silly, I was just stating what she had told me after coming home last weekend.

[domesticgodless]

yes mediation definitely the best bet first. After long 'respectful', calm conversation.

[Longtalljosie]

Perhaps your line should be that this must be a consequence of her starting school rather than any reflection on him. Explain you have less time with her now and she's probably reacting to that. I agree with others, he sounds unpleasant in the extreme but if you take any judgement about his parenting away, he's more likely to go for it. His new girlfriend will probably like the idea too...

[ratbagcatbag]

we used to alternate weekends, but both parents, my DH and his ex hated it, so we swapped to Fri tea after school to Sat 6pm and then the following week Sat 6pm to Sunday PM, means we never miss a weekend, but also both families get an evening at the weekend "free" to make adult arrangements if needed.

We've done this since DSS being around 5, he's now 14 and it still works well. Means we get to share the tough stuff as well like homework, we also have DSS stay overnight on a weds and he comes for tea on Mon and Tues too.

[CharleeWarlee]

I wouldn't agree to him having her during the week. This being that we tried this and he either brought her back way too late or if he had her overnight he wouldnt take her to nursery. Yes it may only be nursery, but I dont trust he would be physically able to get up out of bed to bring DD 7 miles to school for 8.40am.