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AIBU?

The teacher keeps refusing to let my Yr1 DS go to the toilet

86 replies

BupcakesAndCunting · 04/10/2012 15:50

At the end of school.

We have a ten minute walk home and he is always bursting for the loo when he comes out, so was one of his classmates today. He was near wetting himself by the time we got home.

DS says that the teacher won't let them go apart from at break times. AIBU to think that this is harsh, especially on 5 year olds who are constantly drinking from water bottles all day. I was thinking of having a word about it.

OP posts:

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RinkyDinkyDoo · 04/10/2012 21:35

I am a teacher,I always let my children go when they ask,except if they ask all the time for skive time, this is because I wet myself at school when a teacher said no, I don't want that to happen to anyone else.

BlueSkySinking · 04/10/2012 23:37

Take him back in to school.

Maybe ask the teacher to allow him to visit the loo when he needs to go. Talk to the head if there is a problem.

ThatVikRinA22 · 04/10/2012 23:42

why do people do this to children? really - as an adult if you need the loo you go, do you not?
teachers included?

why would you do this to a 5 yr old - i would go in and speak to the HT.

yanbu

thebody · 04/10/2012 23:44

Hi TA in reception class. We started off letting them go when they asked.. Now we know the kids well we know which ones want to go together and have a skive/chat so we let them go individually.

At end of day of course we let them go as dome have long walks/drives home.

Just take him into toilets at pik up time yourself... Just a hint, your Dc might have been one to ask for the toilet to have chat with friend etc so just check with teacher before you go in all guns blazing, iucwim...

HissyByName · 04/10/2012 23:48

Vicar, I had the same thoughts as you!

YANBU OP, go in and ask some questions.

Happygirl77 · 04/10/2012 23:58

I always ensure (if we are walking /scooting home) that dd1 (school) and dd2 (preschool - on site) have had a wee before leaving. I just ask whoever is on the door if they have been "because we're walking home" and if not I go in with them and take them to the loo!

StrawberryTot · 05/10/2012 00:20

I think the first thing you need to do is speak to you ds and the teacher to clarify the story. And I think YANBU!!
My mum and dad were constantly pulled into school as I had a habit of politely asking permission to go the loo and being refused so I would just walk out the class and go.

needanswers · 05/10/2012 00:25

my ds has to go or he has an accident on the way home, parents are not allowed in the school toilets so I have an arrangement with the teacher that he goes before she lets him out (if he/she forgets he ends up at the car weeing on the wheel).

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 05/10/2012 00:29

they would only refuse my dc once... because otherwise on their shoes be it. the hassle of having to clear up the tsunami is an incentive for them to let herr go.

LonelyCloud · 05/10/2012 00:38

YANBU.

I'd have a word with the teacher.

I remember having an accident at school when I was that age, after being refused permission to go to the toilet. I didn't ask to go until I was absolutely desperate because I was scared of the teacher, and then she wouldn't let me go because another kid was in the toilets.

Nagoo · 05/10/2012 00:52

I send DS back into school if he comes out jigging.

I think it is sensible to discourage them from going to the toilet in lesson time, but I can how some DC take discouraged to mean an absolute no, and have an accident because of it :(

On the whole though I support the policy, even for Y1. It is very difficult for teachers.

pigletmania · 05/10/2012 01:12

Well you wuld not do that for an adult. If an adult is at work and they needed the toilet tey would go, no different for a child. It's cruel and I humane to deny access to the toilet, I remember this about 27 years on never forget.

altinkum · 05/10/2012 07:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFallenMadonna · 05/10/2012 07:24

As a teacher, my bladder does in fact need to be regulated to between lessons, as I can't leave a class unattended. I do expect the same of my students. Our lessons are one hour long, and it is a secondary school. My DC's primary allowed free access in infants, but in juniors they are encouraged to wait.

teacherandguideleader · 05/10/2012 07:27

I had never denied a child permission to go to the toilet. I have sometimes told a child they need to wait (end of lesson etc) but always let them go if it becomes obvious they cannot wait. I just don't think it's right, and awful for the child if they wet themselves - especially as I teach secondary. It can be difficult as school policy is to not let them out, but we can use discretion when necessary. It's not always down to the teacher if a child isn't not allowed to go - it is often the rules that they can't.

However, I was recently shouted at by another teacher for letting a child out and the way she spoke to me made me feel like I was a naughty school child. I was so upset by how I was spoken to that next time a child asks it is likely I will say no.

teacherandguideleader · 05/10/2012 07:28

Also, it doesn't matter how desperate I am for the toilet, I am not allowed to leave them to go to the loo.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 05/10/2012 08:03

good practice here

SuffolkNWhat · 05/10/2012 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 05/10/2012 09:36

The fallen if you were so desparate that you might have an accident you would ask another staff to watch your class, you would not stand there and wee or poo yourself. Even adults can be caught unaware. Your students are secondary school so of corse they would have better control than a little 5 year old. I hour is a long tim for a primary school child, sometimes you need to go ASAP not in I hour

halcyondays · 05/10/2012 09:37

Yanbu. That's ridiculous. At that age, most schools, quite rightly, let them go when they need to. I once heard someone asking their teacher if they could remind their dd to go before the end of school because they often needed to go on the walk hone and the teacher was fine with it.

Viviennemary · 05/10/2012 09:42

I'd speak to the teacher. And then the head. Then get a letter from your family doctor. It is not good for a child of that age to be in distress in this way.

nickeldaisical · 05/10/2012 11:30

Fallen and teacher - there is a massive difference between an adult's bladder control and an infant schoolchild's!

I would hope that anyone above Junior school age would be able to time and space out their toilet visits so that it never happens.

I've just had a baby and my pelvic floor muscles have completely disappeared, but even I can control my weeing times at will! (especially with only an hour inbetween)

I wouldn't expect the same from an infant, who probably still has problems telling the initial urge from the desperate urge, and who probably also doesn't have the wherewithall to understand that trying to go might save you from having to rush out 20minutes later.

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drjohnsonscat · 05/10/2012 12:42

fallen & teacher of course you don't let secondary school children pop off to the loo every five seconds but this is about Y1 and, in my case, reception children. Four year olds are having this rule placed upon them and I think we can all agree that four year olds cannot wait!

lljkk · 05/10/2012 12:51

I feel your pain, OP. I wish I could remember consistently to persuade youngest DC to run back in and use the loo as soon as he comes out.

The big problem is, they deny needing to go because they want to run around & play with friends. The need to wee genuinely doesn't seem that urgent. It's only after friends have dissipated that they realise they need to go, so I have to time question just right, and asking only once isn't good enough. Bowels especially often don't get moving until after we've walked 3-4 minutes, by which time we're a bit far from school to go back. One of my DC consistently needs bowels emptied soon after school, many a dodgy walk home until he got older.

Sigh.

cocolepew · 05/10/2012 13:05

I hate this. Dd is in p7 and told me that the HT had told them they wouldn't be allowed to go to the toilet except at break and lunch. The reason being someone had flooding the girls toilet (they knew who it was because the teacher let them out). DD was scared to drink from her water bottle, and then the HT said they weren't allowed those either.
I was due to see her teacher at parents night and brought it up. He said that he would be telling his class they can go at anytime, he was able to figure out who was trying it on. He also said there was no way he would try to stop 11 year old girls from using the toilet for obvious reasons

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