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AIBU?

The teacher keeps refusing to let my Yr1 DS go to the toilet

86 replies

BupcakesAndCunting · 04/10/2012 15:50

At the end of school.

We have a ten minute walk home and he is always bursting for the loo when he comes out, so was one of his classmates today. He was near wetting himself by the time we got home.

DS says that the teacher won't let them go apart from at break times. AIBU to think that this is harsh, especially on 5 year olds who are constantly drinking from water bottles all day. I was thinking of having a word about it.

OP posts:

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NowThenNowThen · 05/10/2012 20:36

The one in one out policy is a good one Cailin.
I think ds won't go to the toilet at school because another boy tends to follow him in, and ds is very self conscious. He just won't go with some one there.
Ds also told me that this boy sometimes the toilet door and won't let him out, (thinking it's funny)which is scary.
I have told the teacher, but I don't know if they really took it on board.
Some children are a bit uptight, like ds, and need privacy!

TheFallenMadonna · 05/10/2012 20:29

And yes, we have medical cards for students who need to be able to go to the loo on demand.

TheFallenMadonna · 05/10/2012 20:28

I did make it clear that I was talking about secondary age children.

I was really responding to the point that adults can go to the loo when they feel the urge. I cannot. I can't ask a colleague to mind my class, because they are with their own...

cocolepew · 05/10/2012 14:01

Whistling, my oldest DD suffers from anxiety and in first and second year at secondary school she was given a toilet pass. It might be something to keep in mind. You had to ask to he given one. It means if the child needs the toilet, or in DDs case to just leave the room, they just showed it to the teacher and went out.

prettypleasewithsugarontop · 05/10/2012 13:57

We had this...i went in and it was sorted. They then got a new TA and my 8yo daughter wet herself three weeks in a row after swimming after being told she was not allowed to go until they were back at school. She was mortified...and i was seriously pissed off...speak to them, please

Whistlingwaves · 05/10/2012 13:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CailinDana · 05/10/2012 13:48

FWIW I wouldn't ever deny an older child access to the toilet either. I would remind older children to go at breaks/lunch and I wouldn't let them go for the first ten minutes of lesson (when the main teaching is done) but after that I would definitely let them go. What if a girl had just started her period? How awful for her if she could feel a leak happening and wasn't allowed to leave to deal with it.

libelulle · 05/10/2012 13:45

I find it extraordinary and disgusting that there are schools with this policy in R/yr1. My DD is still at the stage of needing to go NOW when she needs to go, no matter how often I remind her to not leave it until the last minute, and despite having been fine at home for the past year has had a couple of accidents at school. They are SO small still - some reception kids will have only turned 4 just over a month ago!!!

CailinDana · 05/10/2012 13:42

Just add, I always I had a one in/one out policy too - and I never encountered messing, even in difficult schools.

CailinDana · 05/10/2012 13:40

As a former primary teacher I have no respect for a teacher or school that has this policy and I would consider moving my son from a school that insisted on it. It is totally and utterly unnecessary and if the school are in a situation where they can't even let their children go to the toilet for fear of bad behaviour then in my eyes it's just not good enough for my child. It is a cruel and embarrassing policy for the children. I did supply teaching in a few schools with this policy and I always just ignored it. I just cannot agree with it at all.

Alligatorpie · 05/10/2012 13:31

I send my kindergarten class to the toilet three times per day, they are also encouraged to go at break time. But, inevitably within five minutes of returning to the classroom, someone asks to go. it drives me mad.

I can usually tell an urgent need from someone who wants a break. But in my first year of teaching I did have a parent ask me to remind her dd to go before school was dismissed as her dd wet herself on the bus. I was horrified, and still feel for the girl. Maybe the teacher is new and wouldnt mind a reminder?

cocolepew · 05/10/2012 13:05

I hate this. Dd is in p7 and told me that the HT had told them they wouldn't be allowed to go to the toilet except at break and lunch. The reason being someone had flooding the girls toilet (they knew who it was because the teacher let them out). DD was scared to drink from her water bottle, and then the HT said they weren't allowed those either.
I was due to see her teacher at parents night and brought it up. He said that he would be telling his class they can go at anytime, he was able to figure out who was trying it on. He also said there was no way he would try to stop 11 year old girls from using the toilet for obvious reasons

lljkk · 05/10/2012 12:51

I feel your pain, OP. I wish I could remember consistently to persuade youngest DC to run back in and use the loo as soon as he comes out.

The big problem is, they deny needing to go because they want to run around & play with friends. The need to wee genuinely doesn't seem that urgent. It's only after friends have dissipated that they realise they need to go, so I have to time question just right, and asking only once isn't good enough. Bowels especially often don't get moving until after we've walked 3-4 minutes, by which time we're a bit far from school to go back. One of my DC consistently needs bowels emptied soon after school, many a dodgy walk home until he got older.

Sigh.

drjohnsonscat · 05/10/2012 12:42

fallen & teacher of course you don't let secondary school children pop off to the loo every five seconds but this is about Y1 and, in my case, reception children. Four year olds are having this rule placed upon them and I think we can all agree that four year olds cannot wait!

nickeldaisical · 05/10/2012 11:30

Fallen and teacher - there is a massive difference between an adult's bladder control and an infant schoolchild's!

I would hope that anyone above Junior school age would be able to time and space out their toilet visits so that it never happens.

I've just had a baby and my pelvic floor muscles have completely disappeared, but even I can control my weeing times at will! (especially with only an hour inbetween)

I wouldn't expect the same from an infant, who probably still has problems telling the initial urge from the desperate urge, and who probably also doesn't have the wherewithall to understand that trying to go might save you from having to rush out 20minutes later.

Viviennemary · 05/10/2012 09:42

I'd speak to the teacher. And then the head. Then get a letter from your family doctor. It is not good for a child of that age to be in distress in this way.

halcyondays · 05/10/2012 09:37

Yanbu. That's ridiculous. At that age, most schools, quite rightly, let them go when they need to. I once heard someone asking their teacher if they could remind their dd to go before the end of school because they often needed to go on the walk hone and the teacher was fine with it.

pigletmania · 05/10/2012 09:36

The fallen if you were so desparate that you might have an accident you would ask another staff to watch your class, you would not stand there and wee or poo yourself. Even adults can be caught unaware. Your students are secondary school so of corse they would have better control than a little 5 year old. I hour is a long tim for a primary school child, sometimes you need to go ASAP not in I hour

SuffolkNWhat · 05/10/2012 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 05/10/2012 08:03

good practice here

teacherandguideleader · 05/10/2012 07:28

Also, it doesn't matter how desperate I am for the toilet, I am not allowed to leave them to go to the loo.

teacherandguideleader · 05/10/2012 07:27

I had never denied a child permission to go to the toilet. I have sometimes told a child they need to wait (end of lesson etc) but always let them go if it becomes obvious they cannot wait. I just don't think it's right, and awful for the child if they wet themselves - especially as I teach secondary. It can be difficult as school policy is to not let them out, but we can use discretion when necessary. It's not always down to the teacher if a child isn't not allowed to go - it is often the rules that they can't.

However, I was recently shouted at by another teacher for letting a child out and the way she spoke to me made me feel like I was a naughty school child. I was so upset by how I was spoken to that next time a child asks it is likely I will say no.

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TheFallenMadonna · 05/10/2012 07:24

As a teacher, my bladder does in fact need to be regulated to between lessons, as I can't leave a class unattended. I do expect the same of my students. Our lessons are one hour long, and it is a secondary school. My DC's primary allowed free access in infants, but in juniors they are encouraged to wait.

altinkum · 05/10/2012 07:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 05/10/2012 01:12

Well you wuld not do that for an adult. If an adult is at work and they needed the toilet tey would go, no different for a child. It's cruel and I humane to deny access to the toilet, I remember this about 27 years on never forget.

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