to not date a Tory?

[bejeezus]

Well...actually I dont care if IABU or not, I just couldnt do it.

What I really want to ask you; if you have Labour/left wing politics could you/would you/are you marry/ have a life partner who has Conservative/right wing politics?

And vice-versa of course?

[TheBigJessie]

Well, imagine living with someone who was dedicated to "protecting Christmas from politically-correct Guardianistas"! it would be just so tiresome.

I accidentally put myself on the American Family Association list once, and those are some conservatives I could never raise a child with!

[marshmallowpies]

I think the deal breaker for DH would have been not politics but a woman who was either religious or into New Age stuff/alternative remedies etc. Luckily we are both staunch atheists and pro-science/evolution/rationalism & on that front are very united on how we want to bring up our children & educate them.

I was a bit more woo & new agey in my youth and am still a bit hippy-dippy at heart, although with a strong streak of scepticism now, & I think DH would disapprove of that far more than my politics!

If he'd been massively pro-private school I would have been a bit about that as I'm massively anti, but luckily private school fees are not in our budget really so that argument has been averted.

[TheBigJessie]

Oh, and I could never marry a Graud sub-editor, either. Such sloppy work ethics!

[perceptionreality]

It's not superficial on any level to not want anything to do with a BNP supporter. Fascists horrify me...

[TheBigJessie]

No, it isn't superficial, because we're thinking about the attitudes the policies represent. But some people would refuse to recognise that, and turn it into a "how can you dislike someone for a cross on a piece of paper" issue and think it superficial.

Do you see what I mean?

[perceptionreality]

Hmmthinkingaboutit, I disagree entirely with the sentiment of your post.

You think you shouldn't choose friends and partners 'simply' because of how they vote. But how they vote underpins their entire character, it is not like which brand of tea bags they use!

I grew up in a family of conservative voters who had a tunnel visioned view that everyone should be able to work hard enough not to need to rely on the state, blah blah blah and who had no inclination to consider those who were not as fotunate as they were (or worse, thought they were 'lower' and therefore not worth considering). Now that they have a severely disabled granddaughter, they have had to completely reassess their views. It has been interesting for me to observe!

But ramble aside, my point is that in my own experience conservatives tend to be unable to put themselves in someone else's shoes. I remember in my late teens waking up to the realisation that my family were wrong, and that actually their opinions were unpleasant.

[seeker]

Actually, I might find it easier to date a Tory than someone who says "I have no interest in politics." if I had to choose. But I think I'd prefer celibacy to either.

[perceptionreality]

Not really, BigJessie. When people vote they usually know what they are voting for. It's no good reducing the whole thing to a cross in a box imo.

[ReactionaryFish]

"I grew up in a family of conservative voters who had a tunnel visioned view that everyone should be able to work hard enough not to need to rely on the state, blah blah blah and who had no inclination to consider those who were not as fotunate as they were (or worse, thought they were 'lower' and therefore not worth considering). Now that they have a severely disabled granddaughter, they have had to completely reassess their views. It has been interesting for me to observe!"

Does it not occur to you that to assume all people who vote Conservative do so because they share those particular views - which are certainly unpleasant - might be a bit "tunnel-visioned"?

We can all generalise, you see. I look about me and see a lot of labour sympathisers, who burble on about how we should all pay more tax, from financial positions much more comfortable than my own, who appear to have no conception about how their willingness to be generous with other peoples' money might actually affect those less well off than themselves. I could draw certain conclusions about labour voters on that basis, but that would be stupid, as I'm sure you'd agree.

[TheBigJessie]

Precisely. (Well, most of the time.) But I think we're actually arguing the exact same thing. I think I was trying to use the BNP as an example of why political views are quite serious indicators of whether you can get on. I just don't think it worked- due to my laziness in phrasing.

[bejeezus]

why are you so 'defensive' about this reactionary? have you unrequited love for a Labour voter? have you been spurned? is it a tragic tale?

[stubbornstains]

I did date a Tory. We didn't talk about party politics for quite a while- I only realised he was a Conservative voter some months in.

Although, superficially, we had the same interests, and talked mainly about those- self-sufficiency, the environment, etc., after a while the cracks started to show. His views that only some people "deserved" to be treated on the NHS. His contempt for single mothers (I went on to be one). The fact that, although he pays no tax (offshore job) he felt it acceptable to look down on some of the poorest members of society as "scroungers".

We split up. You can't escape fundamental incompatibilities.

[ReactionaryFish]

My difficulty with labour voters, bejeezus, is that they generally bore the tits off me.
as you so demonstrate so skilfully.

[Hullygully]

That is a worry.

Do you find they come off quite easily?

Perhaps some glue might help?

[ReactionaryFish]

The left attempts humour.
Never a good idea.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

Can you imagine if comedians were only allowed to be right-wing

[Hullygully]

But it is interesting that the only person being rude and unpleasant is yourself, Reactionary

[headfairy]

My dh claims he's a dyed in the wool Tory, but whenever he's filled in those questionnaires that determine your political leanings he's always come out quite far on the left. As someone who's grown up in a part of the country that doesn't vote (Channel Islands) I don't really think he totally gets what the Tories stand for, although he feels he should vote for them because that's what most of the Channel Islands would vote for if they could (they've done dummy elections). I think he's more lefty than he realises though, very much a supporter of the welfare state, but maybe that's because they dont' have one and he appreciates ours.

[GrendelsMum]

I don't vote Conservative myself, but my DH does. It doesn't bother me, any more than the fact that I'm a Christian and he's an atheist bothers him. He's a 'typical' Tory entrepreneur - I'm a left-winger working for a charity. As a lot of people have said, we've got the same moral compass, and we're both very appreciative of the values of each others work. I think our lives would be a great deal poorer if we hadn't benefited from each others' viewpoint on the world.

[bejeezus]

so reactionary your answer to my OP would be YANBU, because in fact you would find yourself incompatible with a person of the left-wing persuasion on account of them being too boring

that wasnt too difficult was it?

[boschy]

I do always think the Tories have a better class of scandal though - usually involving sex; the Left scandals always involve money somewhere along the line, which would seem to suggest that the champagne tastes of the socialists need propping up a bit?

just doing a mental rundown of politicians; Robin Cook; Tone; Gordon; Millibands oh my god just NO. Clegg no way. Dave; Gideon another no. Alan Clark - maybe, just maybe, because I think he'd have been outrageous.

[bejeezus]

humour is subjective
as demonstrated by the success of Bernard Manning

[flatpackhamster]

HullyGully

"Gracious.

What a lot of people you have met and yet they were all lovely except Guardian readers.

Do try harder."

That wasn't what I wrote so I will reiterate it in the hope that this time you'll read it. I said that there were some unpleasant people but political ideology wasn't a guide to that unpleasantness, and but the only 'group' who consistently treated me like dirt were the wealthy middle-class urbanite lefties who read the Guardian. They all voted Labour, naturally, in solidarity with the poor people who did their laundry and looked after their kids.

bezeezus
"flatpack so I take it you dont have any criteria of what makes a good life partner? Or what makes 2 people compatible?"

Life partner? I thought this was about dating someone? I don't think politics needs to intrude in to a relationship. There's plenty to talk about and do that doesn't involve going on Throw The Jew Down The Well marches with the Socialist Worker's Party. I think that if there are two people with very strong divergenty beliefs on politics that will end badly quite quickly. But even then that isn't always the case because everything else between them may just work.

[Hullygully]

Um

I'm having a lot of trouble spotting the semantic differences there.

Perhaps it's me.

[whothefuckputmeincharge]

Up until the last GE I would have said YADNBU.

But both DH and I tactically voted Lib Dem to avoid a Tory Government.



I, dear reader, am married to a temporary Tory wanker! And indeed, by trying to be clever, have turned myself into one.