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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To show my 5yr old dd pictures of children who have been bitten by dogs??

45 replies

mrsshears · 05/02/2012 16:56

Looking for tips and/or advice here really, my mother has a jack russell dog who for some reason is scared of my 5yr old dd,she has never done anything to this dog to make him feel this way ,when we go to my mums house which is probably once every couple of months dd makes a beeline for this dog and tries to pet him and play with him,he backs away and will sometimes growl at her.
I repeatedly have to move dd away from this dog and tell her to leave him alone,she is not listening to me despite me giving her quite stern tellings off about this,i dont really want to tell my mum to remove the dog when we visit as i don't think she would take too kindly to this,its also not really an option to not go round there either.
After a particulairly stressful visit today i have told dd in no uncertain terms that if she doesnt leave this dog alone he will bite her,i have a good mind to also show her pictures of children who have been bitten by dogs as i really think this is what will happen if she doesnt do as she is told,aibu?

OP posts:
PluckyButtocks · 05/02/2012 16:57

If you want to instil a generalised phobia of dogs, that's one way to do it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/02/2012 16:57

Yes do, she's 5, old enough to do as she's told.

somanymiles · 05/02/2012 16:59

Please don't show her pictures of children who have been bitten by dogs. It will only frighten her and possibly scar her for life. It is entirely reasonable for your Mum to put the dog in a separate room when you visit, until your DD learns how to behave around nervous dogs. If she is unwilling then perhaps you can show HER the pictures of children who have been bitten by dogs.

belgo · 05/02/2012 17:00

If the dog is unpredictable enough to bite her if she is just patting him, then I would keep the dog away from her every time she visits.

Does the dog have a problem with other children? Would it be worth getting him behavioural lessons?

BIWI · 05/02/2012 17:00

Yes, YABVVVU. What a horrible thing to do to a child!

You should make other arrangements to keep the dog and her apart until she's old enough to understand what's going on. Why wouldn't your mother want to put the dog in another room for the duration of your visit? That's very selfish of her - and you would have thought she would be more concerned about your daughter being bitten!

It's your job to parent your child and prevent her from going near the dog in whatever way you can, not potentially traumatise her by showing her pictures of other people's wounds.

LaBoccaDellaVerita · 05/02/2012 17:00

What makes you think she'll believe you? Children that age, and older, never believe the warnings of their parents.
I can't see anything at all unreasonable in asking your mum to put the dog in another room for the duration of your visit.

AlpinePony · 05/02/2012 17:01

The problem is not about photos, it's about the fact she doesn't respect your boundaries.

FiveHoursSleep · 05/02/2012 17:03

Thats probably quite extreme. Maybe you could go through this website with her?
Play this game with her to help her understand.

Original poster
mrsshears · 05/02/2012 17:04

she is normally a very well behaved child and always does as she is told but she seems to have a massive uncontrolable pull towards this dog.
This dog is like my mothers 'child',which i think could be part of the problem thats why i dont think she would be receptive to me asking her to remove him while we visit.

OP posts:
grumpydwarf · 05/02/2012 17:05

Do not do that! Yes your child is old enough to learn to stay away from the dog if you tell her to but giving her a phobia of all dogs will make her more unsafe around this dog and others.

I have a dog and a 10 month old. My dog loves my son and I am starting to teach them both how to behave around each other but I would always remove my dog from other peoples children if they asked or the child was scared or my dog was being pushed and your mother should do the same.

Your dd will be much worse off if you terrify her with pics and the dog in question will not benefit. If your mum is reasonable and loves her gdd and dog she will remove the dog for its own safety until they can learn to tolerate each other and give personal space.

hathorinareddress · 05/02/2012 17:06

YABVVVVVU

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 05/02/2012 17:07

My DD is nearly 10 and is slowly coming to terms with her dog phobia.But in total contrast to your DD she doesn't go to dogs or pet them.

I'm always really careful to hide any articles or news reports about dog attacks on children. I'm sure most dog bites are from family or friends dogs rather than random dogs.
But it might well make her afraid of dogs out and about, which would be a shame.

I'm a believer in letting children find out the hard way in some instances that No means No. But being bitten isn't one of them.
I would just keep her well away if it was my DD.

Though my DS did get scratched by our cat when he kept annoying her in the cupboard under the stairs. I physically removed him at least 4 times.
He remembers the scratch.

Original poster
mrsshears · 05/02/2012 17:07

thanks fivehourssleep thats really helpful.

OP posts:
boredandrestless · 05/02/2012 17:08

If she can't do as she is told choose something she will find negative like putting her in time out, or taking away a priveledge (eg tv time/treats). At 5 she is old enough to do as she is told. Don't show her pictures of bitten children though.

Is she doing it for attention do you think?

Original poster
mrsshears · 05/02/2012 17:09

Very good point boredandrestless that could well be a factor.

OP posts:
ragingmull · 05/02/2012 17:10

Shock yabu!

eurochick · 05/02/2012 17:11

Yep, that's one way to make her terrified of all dogs. That's what you are hoping to achieve, right?

IAmBooyhoo · 05/02/2012 17:11

instead of telling your DD what not to do with the dog how about teaching what she should do around dogs? also, put in place some consequences for her if she disobeys you. she needs to realise that telling her not to crowd the dog isn't a request that she can choose to ignore. in the meantime talk to your mum about whether she is prepared to separate them until your DD can be trusted not to upset the dog. either that or i think you will have to keep your DD away from the house until you know she has learned how to behave with dogs. itt isn't fair on the dog to keep putting it in the room with your dd with no way to get out of her grasp.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 05/02/2012 17:13

YABU don't do that.

Your DD is misbehaving by not doing as you tell her. You need punish that bad behaviour, not scare her or punish the poor dog by having it shut in another room.

Popbiscuit · 05/02/2012 17:14

Don't do that, OP. You'll really frighten her Sad

It sounds like your daughter is the problem, not the dog. The dog is telling her that he doesn't want to be bothered and your daughter is not listening. Agree that she needs a negative consequence for not doing as she's told.

YNK · 05/02/2012 17:17

YABVU, however do tell her that the dog is asking to be left alone and it is really mean of her not to listen since this might force the dog to bite and it would be her fault if this resulted in the dog being PTS!

CremeEggThief · 05/02/2012 17:18

I appreciate you're at the end of your tether and running out of ideas, but please don't do this. I think it would freak your DD out and possibly make her phobic of all dogs. I think it would be kinder for all concerned, including the poor dog, if he's kep

CremeEggThief · 05/02/2012 17:25

Sorry, hit post too soon. Kinder for all if the dog is kept in a different room when you visit, while you work on some of the issues others have mentioned.

GypsyMoth · 05/02/2012 17:29

Words fail me!

Forrestgump · 05/02/2012 17:29

dont show her any pictures, you will give her nightmares, I have a friend whose mother was scared of dogs, and she passed her phobia on to her daughter, she is a flippin nightmare to be with!

I would put the dog in another room, until your daughter is old enough to understand and do as she is told. My sons best friends terrier hates my son. He just growls and growls at him when my son is in thier house, When they are outside he is fine. the dog just sees my son as a threat when in the house, so maybe your mums dog is just jealous of the attention your daughter creates, if your mum molly coddles the dog, then its understandable, why he sees your daughter as a threat.