or is my DM??

[ginmakesitallok]

We live some distance from my DM (involved short plane journey or longer car/ferry trip). We visit each other 2 or 3 times a year. It's been a while since we've been over there - just been easier for her to come to us. This year is first year in about 10 years when we haven't all been together for Xmas. DM has some health probs - but nothing that stops her travelling (especially if she flies - relatively easy journey)

Anyways - before Xmas she said she'd visit in Jan/Feb, so I kept back some annual leave to be able to spend some time with her. She has now said she would prefer us to come to her as her wee dog has chronc health problems and she doesn't want to leave it (dog would stay with her friends who look after it very well). Now - DD1 is in school (so we wouldn't be able to make it til Easter - wasting my annual leave), DP is teaching and is unlikely to be able to have time off over easter so I'd have to take DDs by myself (8 and 2). AIBU to think that she should just leave the dog for a week? Its the sort of illness where dog could be OK, or could basically be very ill very quickly. Surely my Mum should put her life on hold for the foreseeable future just in case something happens with her wee dog??

[eurochick]

What about the February half term?

[WorraLiberty]

I don't think I'd want to leave my dog if he was very ill either but that's just me...I realise not everyone's the same.

Doesn't your DD get a week off in Feb?

[LCarbury]

Well, your mum is, but that's quite normal for retired people who forget about the commitments of a busy working and family life! If you can get her to come to you, great, but sounds like you are stuck with going there at Easter and either cancelling your annual leave, if you can still do this, or using the time you have booked off for all the boring necessaries like seeing the dentist, optician, hair cut etc.

[ginmakesitallok]

No - DD only gets a long weekend in Feb - then longer in April. Would want to spend longer there - especially if DP isn't going to be able to make it (need to make the travel worthwhile!) Worra - I do understand her not wanting to leave wee dog, but its a chronic illness which dog could live with for years.

[ginmakesitallok]

Mum's not retired - but her work are very flexible about her taking holidays.

[ceebie]

It's easier for my parents to visit us than for us go to them, but we do make the effort to visit them once in a while as I feel it's only fair. It's a shame that you haven't managed to get over to visit her recently, but equally it's annoying that the change of plans is at such short notice as it is a total inconvenience in terms of your annual leave. However don't underestimate the importance of the dog to her. Clearly, you as her family are more important than the dog - that's not in dispute! However the dog is her faithful companion now that you've left home and obviously means a huge deal to her. Having seen the upset my Mum went through when her previous dog was ill and eventually passed away, it's a huge emotional trauma - I sort of understand why she would feel stressed about leaving it - logical or not!

I think you shoud plan to visit her at Easter, and ask her to consider coming over in Jan/Feb (but don't push the point) withthe proviso that she could return home early if the dog's health was to deteriorate.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

YABU - her dog isn't well and she doesnt want to leave him. She probably thinks its about time you actually visited her for a change and quite right too!! Maybe she is getting fed up being the one making the effort and is using the dog as an excuse?

Go with the kids, you'll all have a lovely time and it will be nice for them visit her for a change.

[ceebie]

Hmm, your posts seem to imply that they journey is easy for your DM "short plane journey", "relatively easy journey" yet difficult for you - "need to make the travel worthwhile"? I'm not accusing you of lying, just that you seem to have a slightly disporportionate perspective when it comes to the ease of travelling or you or her?

Why will DP get no time off over Easter? Surely he could at least join you for the long weekend, even if he couldn't stay for a whole week?

[BerthaTheBogBurglar]

Hmm, dog/daugher&grandchildren, which one is more important?

I think she is BU if the reality is that she thinks its your turn to travel and is making an excuse. Firstly because she should just say so, and secondly because one adult travelling by plane is a lot cheaper and easier than one adult with 2 children.

Why does it matter who is BU though? You just got to decide whether you want to visit at Easter or not. If you do, go, if you don't, don't.

[BerthaTheBogBurglar]

Ceebie - prob because 4 plane tickets is, err, 4 times more expensive than one. And travelling by yourself is easy while travelling with a 2yo is not.

[Gribble]

YABU its not about her dog being more important, its about which situation takes priority. The dog has no doubt been company and a loyal friend to her and its possibly very ill. Unless your DCs are very ill aswell then IMO its right that she wants to stay with her dog this time.

Just go at Easter if you can afford it. Its not that far away and it'll be nice to go there for a change and be a guest.

[ginmakesitallok]

It's easier for her to come here because it's cheaper, and less hassle (as folk have mentioned above), also we have more room for her here than she has for us, and (if I'm being totally honest) I get to see more of her here as she probably won't take the time off work if we go there (so we're stuck at her house in middle of nowhere all day til she comes home).

Think I'll go with ceebies suggestion of organising a visit to hers at easter and letting her know that if she can visit in Jan/Feb then that would be great.

[ceebie]

Wonderful, hope that works out gin!

[NoWayNoHow]

YANBU, I have the same problem with MIL - 200 miles away, we visit 4-5 times a year, they come up maybe once if we're lucky, all because of the bloody dog.

She swears blind it's terribly ill and has fits (I've never seen any evidence) and that she can't leave it for more than a few hours. Both her neighbours and her DD have offered to sit in her actual house with dog all day/overnight/even longer, but for some reason she never takes them up on it.

I personally think she enjoys the martyrdom a little too much, but it does leave me feeling like her dog is more important than her grandchild

[ginmakesitallok]

Just off phone to her - she asked us to come across for my cousins husbands birthday at end Jan ( ), we can't (I'm not taking DD1 out of school), or for same cousins 1st wedding anniversary in April, again DD1 back to school... Don't think she was too pleased but we're going to go across for Easter hols and she's going to come for a long weekend in Feb - so all sorted! Hurrah! I do love her to bits and understand her worries about the wee dog - she'll spend her few days here worried sick

[TidyDancer]

I think you've done the right thing. It would've been cruel to dismiss your mum's worries about her pet. You've found a decent compromise, so well done. :)