To not want another daily mail article on how to bring up my baby?

[Ams25]

MIL is coming this weekend, and has already told DH that she has a really interesting article for me. This will be the third article she has passed to me since DS2 was born. The last two were clipped from The Daily mail and ran along similar themes - give baby a bottle before bed (I EBF) put baby in their own room ( we mainly co sleep) and leave baby to cry ( my baby is only 5 months old). I know this will be more of the same and I'm fed up with it. Okay, my baby doesn't sleep through but most babies don't at this age without the kind of sleep training that I don't want to use! I don't complain to her about having broken sleep, so why does she keep putting her oar in? She bottle fed her children and left them to CIO when they were newborn, so we obviously have very different ideas about things. DH says I should just say thanks for the article and leave it at that but I want to explain to her we're happy with our choices and the daily mail is not going to make me change my mind! Thoughts?

[TruthSweet]

Shame she didn't clip out this or this one.....Perhaps she might appreciate a copy?

[hackmum]

I think people are being quite generous to the MiL. I tend to think she's being passive-aggressive - she won't come out and tell you what you're doing is wrong, so she cuts an article out of the paper that says the same thing.

[LydiaWickham]

I think you handled it well. It could well be that she just wants you to know she's been thinking about her grandchild even when she's just reading the paper.

[ninjasquirrel]

I'd say thanks and put it aside. Then later maybe try and drop into the conversation something like "there are so many different opinions on looking after babies, and as long as they're loved and fed they generally all turn out fine. I think it's important just to go with what works for you." subtext "We're happy with what we're doing, so don't diss our parenting and we won't diss yours."

[Ams25]

Okay, she handed over an article by Lorraine Candy (?) saying that her baby started sleeping through once she gave her a bottle. I said thanks very much for thinking of me ( nicely) and put it to one side. She didn't make a big thing of it at all. Thanks all for advice x

[CailinDana]

I did a philosophy and psychology degree and my dad has a habit of lecturing me on basic philosophical and psychological theories. It used to drive me mad and I used to cut him off but then I realised it was the only way he had of trying to connect with me. Since I gave him a chance we've gotten to know him so much better and our relationship has improved so much. He doesn't lecture as often any more and is much better at just having a normal conversation. I'm the only person with whom he'll talk on the phone as I'm the only one who listens to him - my mother fobs him off and ignores him all the time.

Your MIL is going about it very badly but she is only trying to connect with you. Why not accept the article and then ask her something about when she was young, like "How did you feel bringing DH home from the hospital?" or "What did you imagine DH would be like when he grew up?" It would be lovely for her reminisce and would take her mind off the bones of contention. That way you can present your case in a subtle conversational way without it being confrontational. So you could say "Yeah I was worried about breastfeeding but I am really enjoying it and I'm hoping to continue for as long as possible. Of course having support is really important..." Over time she might relax, stop interfering and just chat to you.

[Ams25]

Porcamiseria... Last one was an interview with some footballers wife who'd had a baby... I agree not big news and certainly not someone I'd look to for guidance on bringing up my child!

Pooties I've had that thought myself... Suppose the difference is I would be a RIGHT interfering MIL!

[HugosGoatee]

My SiL gave me one - it was about how childbirth can be orgasmic for some women and how drug-free, natural birthing is the way forward.

It was accompanied by a lecture too. SiL has no children..

Ignore, ignore, ignore!

[sospanfach]

my granny saves articles from the Daily Fail for me. I put them in the guinea pig's cage for pig to wee on. I say thanks to Granny, though, cos she's my Granny and 'means well'

[Pootles2010]

I know where you're coming from as had exactly same with my mil. However someone pointed out to me, if, in 20 years time, my dil was letting her baby cio, and was intent on bottle feeding, wouldn't I be gently trying to steer her towards bf'ing?

I would hope I wouldn't be militant about it, but I probably would say something.

[Iggly]

before I read the OP I was goin to say YABU for reading that DM.

Take your DH's lead. Don't make it a battle - it won't end well. This is the best kind of MIL interfering (if there ever was one) - she's not wrestling your baby off you and giving formula, she's not shoving chocolate down her throat at 2 weeks old.

They're just bits of scrap paper. Treat them as such and recycle.

[difficulttimes]

I cant believe someone would actually be against BF iits insane ,

[Tangle]

YANBU not to want it.

That said, if all she does is clip out articles and hand them over I'd probably try and just smile and thank her and then ignore. If she follows up with lots of comments about FF, CIO, etc, then I'd be telling DH that one of us was going to be having words with her - would he rather it were him or me.

[porcamiseria]

i alsdo find it hard to beleive that DM prints stuff like this. I am no DM-lover but this is hardly cutting edgde news

[porcamiseria]

MIL and DM in one post, well done

[difficulttimes]

You should inform her that controlled crying on a child under 6 months is strongly advised against.

[TestAnswers]

I guess she is just trying to be helpful. FIL does this a lot - cuts things out of papers to pass on (usually related to our jobs). DH and I don't find them useful but they seem to bring FIL a sense of being useful so I guess they are - we just thank him, glance read them and recycle them. Sometimes we could easily choose to come to the conclusion that he thinks we are stupid/never listen to the news but I really don't think he means it that way.

I found both MIL and step-mum to be defensive about their bottle feeding when I was breastfeeding. Step-mum decided to declare I was 'starving my son' and it was 'a fad' - completely unprovoked, I wasn't sitting there trying to educate people, I just quietly slipped away to BF occasionally whilst I was at their house and vice versa. Eventually, I tackled every little snide remark in, what I though, was a comical piss take - seemed to stop it! MIL, bless her, really tried to be supportive about it but still came out with a few odd remarks (FIL was worse though). I think after all this time it still presses on a raw nerve for them especially as there has been so much in the press over the last decade about the benefits of breastfeeding.

[exoticfruits]

I don't know why people have to justify and have the last world. Just say thank you-put on one side and when she has gone throw it away. There is no need to discuss.

[Ams25]

The thing is... I'm not at all evangelical about how I do things... Mostly I just go with what's easiest and what feels right at the time, I often doubt myself about certain things and I don't claim to be an expert. The breastfeeding issue does annoy me a bit though because all the medical evidence IS that it is better than bottle feeding IF you can breast feed (I know some people can't and I totally understand why they bottle feed) so I think she should just be glad for her grandchildren that I am giving them the best nutritionally speaking...

[Ams25]

Chester... Sniggering away here wishing I had the nerve!

[Gincognito]

You need to print out this article for her:

Study Finds Every Style Of Parenting Produces Disturbed, Miserable Adults

[ChesterDraws]

I think your DH has the right idea. But, you could start collecting relevant articles for her about getting old like this one

[Ams25]

So, not chuck it ostentatiously in the recycling then?

[squeakytoy]

It does make me laugh a bit though... even though "experts" have introduced new guidelines over the years.. these women who you all mock did manage to raise your or your husband, so they cant have done all that bad a job!

And sometimes, just sometimes, they might just be right!

New guidelines are not always the best, they are just the outcome of a funding for someone who had to produce a "result", and admittedly the Daily Mail loves to make everyone knows about it.

[squeakytoy]

DH says I should just say thanks for the article and leave it at that

Just that. That is what is polite. Say "thanks, I will look at it later" when she hands you the article, and then change the subject.