DS and his bloody obsession with clothes "feeling weird"

[HullEnzia]

I'm so angry. For the past few years DS(10) has wasted god knows how much money telling me he liked certain clothes only to refuse to wear them after a week because they "feel weird". It's happened with shoes, trainers (some expensive converse trainers that he nattered for and then refused to wear because it felt weird near the toes), jeans, jumpers (Can't wear that, it hurts my neck) - but I only bought it last week and you said you loved it!!! another £30 wasted etc etc

The latest one - he needed a coat for winter. I took him into Next (was just easier, I had limited time) and HE chose a lovely black bomber coat. Tried it on. Said it was perfect. I asked him many times "are you sure?? you WILL wear it right? you're not going to say in a week that it feels weird or whatever are you because the coat is expensive - ?"

"No I really do like it, I'll wear it all the time".

He wore it for school once and then reverted back to his old summer jacket. He said the coat was too warm. The weather got colder and colder - today it is actually frosty and bloody freezing. He reached for his summer jacket. I told him to put his winter jacket on and then it came "I don't like that, it feels funny around the neck". I'm fuming.

AIBU to just stop his pocket money until he's paid for the coat? I did warn him this would happen if he wasted yet another item of clothing.

[mummytime]

Have to say I'm not sure body brushing would work with my kids, because if they complain they usually also get a rash. Nasty nylon threads can do this (and the horrid metalic ones).

[northerngirl41]

Hmmm - as this was only a problem after he wore it to school, is it maybe a case of he likes something initially and then it's deemed not acceptable by his peers so he goes off it? Perhaps take him shopping with his mates and see if that improves the situation?

[wineandcheese]

Gosh. This is interesting reading. I was a bit like this myself as a child - I pretty much lived in my comfy tracksuits despite my mum constantly trying to cajole me into new clothes.

[MoaninMinny]

or does it just feel like you're being taken for a ride and he's acting out?

this ^

just tell him he will wear it or go without. and stop buying him labels - just get basics from asda

[BestIsWest]

DS has always been like this too but I notice that as he is getting more fashion conscious (he's 13) he has become a little better. I have finally got him into a new jacket this year after him living in one for the last 2 years that was too small and had half the poppers missing.

[SquishyCinnamonSwirls]

I can understand this as I hate things being uncomfortable. Tops have to be of the soft cotton variety with no labels in the neck. Can't abide wool next to my skin it makes me want to scratch it off. DD's the same.
Weirdly, this makes the hand me downs we get from a friend for dd great as they have been washed, dried and worn so many times the fabric is soft and comfy and perfect.

[MrsStephenFry]

I have one of these. If I hear "theres something wrong with my soooocks !" one more time I'm going to tie them all together and hang myself with them.

[toboldlygo]

I think only you can know if he's taking you for a mug or if he genuinely has sensory issues. For what it's worth, I have ADHD and as a kid I wore only a handful of 'safe' clothes and wore them threadbare until replacements had to be found. As an adult I've had to learn to wear uncomfortable clothes but still have my 'uniform' of the same interchangeable fleeces for day to day.

[magso]

I know how expensive and exasperating this rejection of new clothes can be. My son has sensory difficulties(he has autism, but many non autistic people can be similar with over sensitivity) and coats, socks and shoes are particularly difficult. He prefers to wear old clothes because they are softer and worn into shape, so I wash new clothes to get them feeling softer. Socks i run my hand through after washing to soften up. Coats are a problem because they are stiffer when new and really do need to be worn in although a bit of being carried around for a while may help!perhaps your son just needs to understand he needs to wear new clothes in.

[KittyFane]

I agree with 'stop buying him expensive clothes'
Not sure what you meant by I took him into Next (was just easier, I had limited time) Cheap or expensive? I thought Next was middle of the road.
This thread is really interesting though OP, I knew nothing about sensory stuff and feel your frustration, DD can't stand the seam at the end of socks, the lace edge on her knickers irritate, jeans scratch her waist. She lives in leggings and tunics and wears the same thing all of the time. I am the same- everything I own is wool/ jersey fabric, tights, underwear are from m+s. I hate anything that doesn't stretch and I never wear a coat :)
:o

[SquishyCinnamonSwirls]

Tesco's do good underwear without the lacey bit around the leg. I know - I schlepped all over the blinking place trying to find them for dd. Boxer short stlye ones are also super comfy on her if that's any help?

[purplemurple]

ds 7 has Asperger Syndrome with lots of sensory issues. He also hates having his haircut, it has only been the last six months we have been able to get him to agree to having his haircut although he complains all the way through that it is hurting him.

it is possible to have sensory issues without ASD, the clothes alongside the refusal to have haircut sound like it is sensory, but OP only you can judge if he is trying it on or if he is having sensory problems.

Does he have any problems with noise, food tastes, textures, smells, touch, heat/cold?

[SpawnChorus]

I wonder if super-soft underwear would help in the meantime? M&S for example has some really really soft stretchy vests and leggings which might act as a barrier between his skin and "weird" clothes. It's the heat generating material...doesn't actually make me much warmer, but it's really deliciously soft and stretchy.

[Matronalia]

My brother had this when he was younger, I remember cutting all the little ends off the seams in his socks and the labels out of his t-shirts. He wore shorts all winter until he started secondary school because he couldn't bear the feel of school trousers on his legs (my poor mother got a lot of horrible comments). Most of the time he was in jogging bottoms and holey t-shirts, but they couldnt have any patterns on the front as he hated the feel against the skin. Vests helped, he wore those a lot, especially the really soft thermal type which tend to be relatively seamless and label free.

He is much better now (at 27), but we both have issues with shoes and socks and would rather go barefoot than wear them. I got married barefoot and wear sandals 90% of the year, DB wears shoes like Vans with laces as loose as possible. He also shaves very rarely as he doesn't like the feel of the razor on his skin, luckily he has a tolerant boss and a relaxed job.

[Matronalia]

X-post with SpawnChorus on the vests. DD and DS have the M&S ones and they have really kept their softness over repeated washings and they both love to wear them when they can.

[Takver]

I sympathise with both you and your ds. I was very like this as a child, particularly with bought clothes (my mum made most of our stuff). I'm still extremely fussy sensitive and tend to just wear the same things all the time. Of course now I'm an adult I can spend ages trying things on and then buy 2 or 3 of anything that suits! Second hand clothes are always better than new as they aren't 'stiff' in the same way. I have to cut labels out of everything and often unpick the remaining 'ends' then resow the neck.

DD is somewhat similar - tbh I pretty much never buy her anything new as the chances of her wearing it are minimal. She has hand-me-downs or ebay clothes, wears them reluctantly until they are worn soft (ie scruffy) and then can't be got out of them. Then if I buy (as I did recently) some new jeans on her request and then she won't wear them as 'the seams are lumpy' then I've only spent a fiver and can just pass or sell it on.

For school uniform where this isn't a good answer I buy the M&S skinkind range & resign myself to her always choosing the old jumper over the new one.

[Takver]

BTW I also hated haircuts (am OK-ish now but still hate having my hair washed by a hairdresser), couldn't bear to be touched, am still massively ticklish etc etc.

Again dd is similar - I remember her getting in trouble in reception when she bit a boy who was holding her arms so that his friend could tickle her - had to restrain myself from saying to the teacher that I would have done the same (and probably kicked him in the goolies to boot) if I had been in her place and someone held me down and tickled me!

[suburbandream]

This is really tricky - my DS2 has Aspergers and can be really fussy about clothes. He wears his socks inside out because he hates the feel of the seams and even though it is freezing cold he is refusing to wear his school jumper at the moment. Don't want to out myself but I am the mother having a shouting match every morning beside our car as he refuses yet again to put on his coat . However, if your DS has insisted in the shop that the coat was comfy I think I'd try to insist. Could you do a bit of positive encouragement like small gift at the end of the week if he tries it (match attax or something?)

[valiumredhead]

I am the same with labels - I have to chop them all out as they HURT! Ds is the same - he has to wear really comfy clothes, it really irritates him if they 'feel wrong.' Ds is the same with having his hair cut too Tavker and I am too a certain extent, I always ask the hairdresser to skip the 'lovely relaxing head massage' as to me it feels like they are scraping their nails through my scalp!

[AmaraDresden]

This caused a lot of problems when I was a child as I was the same, except I never got a choice. My mum would buy me clothes and I'd hate the feel of them, she'd make me wear them, I'd throw a tantrums, she'd call me ungrateful and it just created so much conflict that if I could have liked them I would have.

I was very unhappy, I was not being spoiled or brat like. I'm still rather fussy now, though nowhere near as bad unless I'm stressed. I think stress has a lot to do with it for me personally.

[4madboys]

i cut all the labels out of my clothes as well and the hang ribbon bits you get in lots of clothes, cant stand them. i also cut the labels out of babygrows and vests for when the boys were little and do it for dd who is 10mths they just LOOK like they would feel irritating and if she is going to wake me in the night i dont want it to be cos a bloody label is irritating her.

my elder boys now vary but some labels they ask to have cut out.

[BlathersFright]

I think if you asked and asked and he swore it was OK and he would wear it that I'd leave it hanging on the peg for now but flatly refuse to buy anything else. This Winter is meant to be a very cold one and sooner or later his Summer Jacket just isn't going to be anywhere near warm enough.

Then it'll be the bomber jacket he chose and swore was OK or nothing.

Definitely have a word with him about what it is he doesn't like about it too though and try to help with the problems. Maybe a soft scarf would make it feel less "funny" around the neck?

I absolutely can't stand polo necks, I feel like I'm being throttled but I can tell that within seconds of trying one on so would never buy it. If the coat was OK in the shop, it can't be that bad...

[Ineedalife]

The OP seems to have disappeared.

I too have a Dd with ASD, she really struggles with clothing, it is a very real issue for her and she is very restricted in what she can wear, nothing can have buttons, no wool, no lables and all trousers must be stretchy.

Her wardrobe consists of jeggings, cotton t shirts and 2 hoodys.

Luckily at school they wear sweatshirts and t shirts, her trousers are cotton stretchy ones from next.

OP , I think you need to be a little more understanding of your Ds's issues with clothes. Maybe you could try washing the new coat a few times to soften it up a bit.

[halcyondays]

It does sound like it might be a genuine issue for him. I would just buy him cheap clothes, stuff from Asda is fine. Maybe you could sell the Next coat on EBay, at this time of year it should do quite well.

[halcyondays]

I used to wear polo necks quite a lot but recently when I've put them on, I've found them really tight and uncomfortable. And they haven't shrunk and I haven't put on weight either.