to consider moving when it would mean my DC's would have to make sacrifices?

[notveryinventive]

Hi ladies,

After some advice if you would. Sorry its a long one.

I really dislike where I live. Its partly the house (which needs a lot of work doing to it), but also partly the street (full of idiots who generally make my life a misery). I would love to move, but have put it to the back of my mind, but now DH is adamant he wants to move too (before he was never that bothered) so we are seriously considering it. Now this creates 2 problems which I would like your honest opinions please.

We live in a council house so we may have to make some sacrifices cos there's not a lot just sitting around empty waiting for people.

Firstly, to get the best chance of getting somewhere we might have to look a bit further out than our neighbourhood which would mean DS (age 6) would have to change schools. Not normally a problem for most, but he has been diagnosed with Autism. One of the big characteristics is routine, if DS were to change schools he would have to cope with new teachers, new children, new building, new routines etc etc etc all of which are generally hard for Autistic people to generaly cope with, plus I also feel bad for the school. They have done a lot for DS including getting him a really really nice TA who both DS and me really get on with (I couldnt have picked a better person myself). She of course would then potentially be unemployed if we changed DS's school (not something I feel comfortable with)

The second thing is we may have to downsize too which would mean DD1 and DD2 would have to grow up sharing a bedroom, there's just under 4 yrs age gap. I know other people have done this, but as I havent I would like to know what its like. Is it something that can be lived with or should it be avoided at all costs?

All I want is a house that I feel comfortable in, one where if I need to go to the shop Im not checking to see who's outside first, one where Im not terrified of it snowing in winter (last year we were bombarded with snowballs for hours). Am i being selfish to think about moving when it would mean all my children may have to sacrifice something just so I can be happier?

[AllGoodNamesGone]

My DS2 has ASD and we moved when he was at primary school, due to his Dad's job. It was nerve wrecking as he was also very settled and doing brilliantly where he was but we didn't really have an alternative.

It was arranged for him to have lots of visits to his new school beforehand, building up to full days. Someone from his old school went with him. It worked really well and he was fine. If the schools were in agreement, your son's TA could go with him on some visits to show them the strategies she's been using with him and perhaps they would consider employing her if it suited her to travel there. You need to choose your new school very carefully but you know this.

DD's sharing a room - worth it for the payoff of a nicer environment - I would always go for worse house in nicer area than nicer house in nasty area.

At the moment, the area isn't really affecting them as they are safe at home with you but it will as they get older and want to be playing out etc. I'd move, but no rush, make sure you are really happy with where you go to, visit at all times of the day and night, knock on potential new neighbours doors to get a feel for them and the area etc

We lived somewhere I was very unhappy when DS1 was a baby and the relief when we got out of there was incredible, I was like a new woman!

[fluffyanimal]

I think that the sacrifices you are talking about are not really as huge as you think. Certainly asking your dds to share a room, when they are tiny now and won't remember having their own rooms, is a very small issue. If you start now, they won't know any different and it will be fine. Besides, by the time they are teenagers you might be able to move again.

It's your DS that is the bigger issue. I get the whole thing about change being much more significant for ASD sufferers. But I would weigh that up against whether I would want my SN child growing up in an area where non-SN people are persecuted as soon as they step outside the door - how much worse will it be for your DS when he is old enough to go outside on his own? That would put the other 'sacrifices' into a different perspective for me. If you can move to a better neighbourhood, then I would do it.

[notveryinventive]

Good point fluffy

In regards to DD's sharing a room, I have decided that thats not a big deal anymore. I grew up with my own room and my own space so dont really know what it would be like to share a room, but as its been pointed out to me, its not that bigger deal esp when they are so young and in 10 years time when DD1 is 13 she wont remember being in her own room. Also I plan to win the lottery by then

Good idea allgoodnamesgone regarding letting DS slowly get to know his new school. I was half considering if we did move we would keep DS at his current school till summer and move him in the Sept, but then would he spend all summer hols worrying about it. He was worried about moving up a class this Sept (though was fine in the end due to visits to class and a booklet being read throughout the summer holidays).

Of course I am looking to move as close as possible so DS can stay in the same school, just dont know if it will be possible. Also we are in the first stages of thinking about moving so wont be moving anywhere in 2011 and we have already discussed with DS about the possibility and if he would like to move (he said yes he would).