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AIBU?

To think this is a terrible message to send to this girl (sensitive subject)

36 replies

Namechangerooonie · 27/09/2011 18:05

Social Services are allowing a convicted child abuser access to his children as they're boys and he 'only' abused his step daughter.

I think this is really wrong and a dreadful message to send to this young girl.

How is it fair that he is deemed not a risk to them but only to her?

what about when they grow up and know he did that to their sister and that it was ok for him to have a normal relationship with them?

OP posts:

Report

plumtart · 29/09/2011 23:24

In this case i think u def need t call soc svcs. Tell them info is 2 nd hand n where u got it from but tell them everything. If storyvis true then almost certainly he wldnt b allowd there esp in step daughters home evem if she is out

Pendeen · 28/09/2011 12:37

OP sounds as if you have a good grasp of what is happening.

A quiet call to SS seems appropriate.

Birdsgottafly · 28/09/2011 10:22

If it wasn't for neighbours reporting then 50% of child abuse/neglect would go unchallenged.

Birdsgottafly · 28/09/2011 10:20

It is good that it is being discussed on here as everyone took it for granted that this is allowed under SS and it isn't. If the OP has told the truth as given to her this would never happen, but once again posters jumped on 'the ineffectual CP in the UK'.

If anyone thinks a similar situation is happening by them, then report.

A parent who has commited DV doesn't get to just go straight back home without engaging with services, in some circumstances at all.

If the mother is reteling this then that alone is cause for concern, she is presenting with MH problems.

seeker · 28/09/2011 09:45

I don't think it's a good that this is being discussed on here. Second hand, based on partial information. No idea what the social services or the police or thprobation service is doing in the background.

But lots of peopl think they can judge a situation based on that information alone!

Namechangerooonie · 28/09/2011 09:38

Yes, it is all second hand, all from the mother who talks to me every day.

I've never spoken to him nor seen a newspaper report as it happened before we moved in.

I don't talk to anyone else about it, just her. And the reason I'm 'gossiping' on here is because it's anonymous and I'm upset by what she told me.

After whats been said on here I'm going to make a confidential call to SS.

OP posts:

Pendeen · 28/09/2011 09:32

A little more information that you originally gave, thank you.

So they live in your street. Do you know any more than local gossip / local newspaper reports? Are you perssonally involved or is all the information second hand?

Birdsgottafly · 27/09/2011 21:22

She will be given the chance to be rid of him, it wil only be because she is allowing contact that the children would be removed.

He may now go to prison as he must be breaking bail/probation conditions.

Birdsgottafly · 27/09/2011 21:20

Make a call to the local police or SS.

Just say that you are concerned as you have seen a neighbours ex partner and sex offender at the family home where children live.

He won't have permission to be there, i promise you that, she is lying to everyone.

The police will not be looking out for him to call. You can bet she is well hiding the fact.

BelleDameSansMerci · 27/09/2011 21:17

Poor, poor girl...

Please try to help her if you can. She'll already have massive issues to deal with and her mother effectively colluding with her abuser (by not cutting him out of all their lives) will only make things worse, IMO (I'm not a psychologist).

Namechangerooonie · 27/09/2011 21:11

Why would you think I should call someone - who? He is very openly visiting which is why I assume he has permission. We live opposite a police station, there are 2 who live in our little turning.

I appreciate what you say and if you think I should call someone let me know who.

The mother thinks we are friends, she tells me a lot, and I don't really want to listen. I'm at home a lot so see him going in every day, waving to the neighbours. It's being done all really openly.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 27/09/2011 21:01

Just to add the people who are failing these children are the family and the neighbours, including you, OP, if you don't make a phone call.

Birdsgottafly · 27/09/2011 20:58

No one walks back into a the family home, or any home with children in it, with the permission of SS, after a sex offence, without a lengthy investigation process, sometimes never again.

Children are removed if the mothers (usually) safeguarding ability is under question.

Birdsgottafly · 27/09/2011 20:56

Then SS don't know that he is visiting.

His and hers parenting will be assessed.

They will have to engage with a range of services.

The children would be on a CP plan whilst this is happening.

If she facilitates contact without permisiion then the children would be removed via an EPO or PPO.

Contact would be supervised and watched, only for quite a while.

You need to make a phone call to the police.

Namechangerooonie · 27/09/2011 20:53

No, he's been convicted and got probation. Absolutely not gossip.

No, she's not taking him back (though she wants to) and she just sends her daughter out round her friends when he comes round.

OP posts:

Birdsgottafly · 27/09/2011 20:50

OP so where is the girl now?

How long has he been out of prison?

On his release the police/probation service are duty bound to inform SS that he may be returning to the family home, this doesn't ring true on based on the account that you have given.

troisgarcons · 27/09/2011 20:49

Courts not involved presumably because mother is facilitating the access

How do you know hes an abuser if not convicted and a matter of public record? sounds like nasty gossip to me. And a bit of presumption about the mother.

SnapesMistress · 27/09/2011 20:45

The mother is facilitating? :(

Is she still with him then?

Birdsgottafly · 27/09/2011 20:44

Op i would voice concern to the local police, they will check it out.

Sexual- it must have been a private school as he couldn't have been employed by the LA.

These stories are never as they are portrayed.

Birdsgottafly · 27/09/2011 20:42

The SW would do a risk assessment, this would involve other professionals including the probation service. It won't be as simple as you are describing.

Previously he would have been known as a 'schedule 1' offender which would automatically generate a parenting assessment and a plan. Ex offenders are now risk assessed and the erisk must be stated. Any court order preventing contact must be based on the risk posed to the child.

I can only assume that the mother is sneeking contact and lying to the neighbours/family, to cover this up.

SexualHarrassmentPandaPop · 27/09/2011 20:39

There was a case in the news not long ago where a teacher who had sexually abused children of one sex was allowed to work in a single sex school of the opposite sex (can't remember which way round). It does seem odd that they can be so certain of specific risk.

Namechangerooonie · 27/09/2011 20:28

Yes, unrestricted. Unsupervised.

Courts not involved presumably because mother is facilitating the access (she has no problem with it, doesn't seem to care about the daughter much)

Is there any other information missing, I really don't want to drip feed.

OP posts:

Birdland · 27/09/2011 19:51

I'm a social worker and amazed by this. Are you saying that he has both unrestricted and unsupervised contact with children? I'm also suprised that social services can dictate access issues in such a way-are you sure it was solely their decision or possibly the Courts were involved?.

Not enough information to offer a useful opinion really.

Namechangerooonie · 27/09/2011 19:48

They live in my street. The girl was 10 when he started abusing her. The boys are a little younger.

I'm not sure what information is missing

I think that anyone who abuses the trust of a child or exploits them and thinks that's ok should not be around other children. I dont think anyone can say definitively that he's not a danger to boys just because he shows sexual interest in girls.

I think child abuse can equally be about power and exploitation and not just about sex.

OP posts:

blaaahh · 27/09/2011 19:32

YADNBU

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