to think my ex was bang out of order...

[stayforthekids1]

to ask me if I have been taking cocaine?!?!

His reasoning...I had a very long shift at my work on saturday. I work in a bar and it was closed for a refit, this day was its launch. Closed at 3am, after all the cleaning blah blah was 5am and then (he has the kids at the weekend) I stayed and had a few drinks with my work collegues, a bit of our own celebration of the new bar etc.

He said the next day I seemed spaced out (actually just totally shattered!) and then asked me if I was taking cocaine!! I hate drugs of all kinds, particularly cocaine because it played a part in the death of my brother. I was seriously offended and think he was bang out of order which I told him. He states he has a right to ask me such things, because he 'doesnt know me anymore'. I said he had no right to ask me any such things and he knows I have always hated drugs and always will. What bothers me too is that he has probably gone and told his mum and sister he suspects I am using drugs, all from a very late night at work!

[stayforthekids1]

I say that because he tells his mother and sister everything. After the reading of my facebook he told them all about my 'new partner' and everything else he had read to. I fully believe he would be telling them about his 'suspicions' because he is very keen to play the victim over our marriage ending and make me out to be so terrible. Despite the fact our marriage ended because he started getting violent with me, woke me up at 3am one night, pissed out his head, on top of me, shouting and screaming at me and punching the head board and mattress, clipping my arms in the process.

Obviously my own family and friends would not believe him, in fact they will be outstanded.

Whilst I was typing this, my mum walked in and I just told her. She says she thinks he is trying to build a case against me, in terms of the children, because of the fact that I have threatened going down that route due to catching him out with his use of drugs the previous week.

[stayforthekids1]

Booyhoo, I have always had a fear of them and the fact they can kill you. With the cannabis, it was on two occasions as a very young teen (13).

[booyhoo]

let him tell his family. you know the truth. i have to say if i really believed my ex to be using cocaine, (aside from not leavingthe dcs with him) i'd probably tell my mum too. he is entitled to offload onto someone. we all need to talk to someone about what is going on in our lives. you have justsaid yourself you told your mum about what happened.

itis very possible he is trying to build a case. anditsounds like he is panicking a bit after you catcinghim stoned with the dcs at his house. you know you dont use coke and a simple drug test willprove that. dontworryabout it. you can prove itis allrubish if he ever does try touse itin court.

[minimisschief]

yabu i think as the father to your children he has every right to outright ask if you are taking something.

He knows about your brother and maybe he saw you spaced out and not all there and put two and two together. maybe assuming that it is a possibility if your brother was into cocaine then you could be too.

in my eyes he is doing the right thing by his kids. that is more important than the possibility of your feelings being hurt

[kelly2000]

On the face of things he was not out of line asking.

BUT, putting it together with his behaviour in general I agree with your mother he is just building a case against you, even if just for his own family.
Lets look at this, he is a violent ex, that goes through your personal correspondance (which FB messages are) and does not like the fact you have a new relationship, he does drugs when looking after the dcs, and now suddenly he feels worried about you using drugs. I would do what your were going to do and seek professional advice, and I would go for residency, with him not having overnight stays and I woudl nto have him there everyday. He uses drugs and got violent with you for gods sake, and it does not sound as if he is the least bit ashamed.

I would also defriend him and block him on FB, as he probably checks up on you that way too.

[stayforthekids1]

thanks kelly. I see that he is not being unreasonable to ask the question in itself, but I genuinely dont believe he actually thinks I would do that. I just received a text from him: Hi stayforthekids1 im sorry i jumped to such a ridiculous conclusion. you seemed a bit spaced out today and i was a fool. Sorry.

I am going to keep it and any further texts he sends from now on. I am also going to be keeping a journal. My mum thinks I should go and see a solicitor and get at the very least, a legal separation.

The sad thing is, I really hoped we might have been able to stay amicable, but in the past two weeks, I have had to put up with being called a slag, accused of taking drugs and pushed over on my birthday, smacking my head off the windowsill. Along with many other little comments and digs. I have been doing everything I can to try keep things okay for the sake of the kids, but this is just one thing too far. So solicitors it is and if that makes me unreasonable, so be it.

[oldraver]

If he ever so much as mentions this again just say ok I will take a drugs test right now so long as YOU do. I reckon he will soon shut up

[mumsamilitant]

Think its exactly what boyhoo said. He's up to it therefore suggests you are!

[Springyknickersohnovicars]

Stay don't be so quick to get the family courts involved if you don't have to, they're always to be the weapon of last resort.

OK you have bigger issues than him claiming you are taking drugs. You have your safety and that of your children to worry about. He's violent and your home should be a safe place for your children, keep him away.

You are too close for comfort and he is abusing that big time.

You need to decide what contact you want him to have and put that as a proposal to him in writing with handovers for the children in safe places. Then see what he comes back with.

You have to let him know that he's had all of the free punches and shoves that he is going to get and the next time you will be going to the police. I'd be going to the police already as if you are not logging these incidents then they didn't happen.

[LadySybil]

i dont know what you posted on any other threads, because i dont make it a habit to stalk people.
Im going by what you said in your original post, and how i would react were it my kids. You asked for opinions, and you are getting them. if they dont agree with yours, then dont flame us because we responded to your request.