is it reasonale for a 5 year old with ASD/LD to play out unsupervised?

[thecaptaincrocfamily]

Just want to know what people think. A child who lives nearby is constantly out by himself, in and out of my house and going off out of view of the house. The DF keeps asking if I have seen him and clearly isn't watching him.

[thecaptaincrocfamily]

I do understand how wide the spectrum is, for example my friends ds is 5.6 with speech that is 1 to 2 word sentences, enjoys playing and showing things to other children but has no imagination for role play. My ex DH had 3 cousins all with Aspergers syndrome, they were all different in ability and severity. I have encountered children during my job as a CM, again who were all different. The one thing that I have found is that they were all gullible in so far as if someone tried to get them to go with them with treats they would go. They were all pretty impulsive which is dangerous near roads and many of them would just run given freedom to do so, without thinking about boundaries. Not only that they were easily led so would be very likely to go off somewhere unsuitable with older dcs.

I don't allow my NT dd1 who is 5 to wander without knowing exactly where she is heading and where I can find her. I am lucky because she is very sensible and will not leave someones house without saying, then she comes straight home. I certainly would not let her out when I don't know where she will go. IMO it is dangerous.

[Strawberry64]

Thanks SaM last thing I wanted was to seem like a generaliser! But hi!

[SanctiMoanyArse]

Strawbs

Not sure if we've met but welcome to MN: it's great to hear new experiences and takes all the time. Adds so much to debates. There are so many stereotypes about ASD and that works both ways- everyone with ASD is either just mildly quirky or severely impaired, not so.

[mumeeee]

No. In fact any 5 year old isn't old enough to play outside unsupervised,

[Strawberry64]

Carlywurly, neither do I...

[carlywurly]

Strawberry, there was nothing at all wrong with your post. I really don't understand why you got that reaction for it.

FWIW, I wouldn't let my ASD 6 yo play outside the back garden unsupervised, nor my NT child tbh.

[Strawberry64]

Sanctamoanyarse, thanks. Really, thanks for understanding my pov. I do understand everyone is different and some of those with asd will never be able to play in their own room alone, let alone outside. Thanks for giving me the word I was searching for. I do not have classical autism or even come under the xx for as, but I do fall under asd, shows you how wide the spectrum is. I played along aside until 5, showed obsessive behavior and would do odd things that calmed me and had social story training into I was 11. I failed the sally ann smarties TofM test when I was 11. I have incredible concentration which can drown out people shouting at me. I still suffer badly from sensory overload, but no where near as bad as i was younger. I still have routines that make me feel calm that I have to do, just no where near as intense as when I was younger.

[SanctiMoanyArse]

Mitmoo absolutely wrt to all children.

DS3 never ahd any boundary issues as he simply isn't active enough to be pushing any: OTOH this makes him unsafe to let him out. He is too trusting and has no nouse at all.

There is a child with AS here who plays out aged about 7, he seems to be OK. Not the choice I would ahve amde for him but parents do seem to be in denial anyway. Has survived 3 years of it though.

[Mitmoo]

I don't think AS comes into it on this one the child is five and the parent has no idea where they are. That's not acceptable for any child. The only thing I would say about children with autism is that, and this is probably the only thing I would ever generalise on, is that they need firmer boundaries and more guidance earlier on, not let to get on with it.

I have a child with HFASD.

[SanctiMoanyArse]

And one of boys can lie like anythingf the other not so much. There are reasons for this and I am doing my research on a facet of this right now.

[SanctiMoanyArse]

Depends entirely on the child; generally I will say no but some kids are not less able than others- just different. Neitehr of my duo are allowed out at 8 and 11 (causes big fights but I am convinced) though I knew a child who was allowed to run with the pack to develop social skills.

I have big issues with 5 year olds being out anyway but that's going to be absed on where I live as much as anything- all road and no safe space IYSWIM..




Strawberry is bang on about the spectrum from a different perspective (close to end of my MA in autism- yep, am Peachy). Most I would say no but until you have met every child with a dx you have not seen the full range.

[Strawberry64]

Also, our road has no traffic, very well hidden, and a close community where everyone knows everyone and will look out for each other :-) vvv. Nice area where we have had no crime in over 20 years :-)

[Strawberry64]

And at the other1% of the populations, some parents couldn`t give a flying f about their kids. You are the only one that knows best, non of us are in your situation!

[Strawberry64]

Forgot to mention we lived in a cul de sack and other kids of same age played out. Very 1940s lol den, tree houses swings everything. Didnt mean to generalise. Also went to asd specialist school when I was younger. Didnt expect to get flamed though. All I meant to say different asd children cope differently in different situations, so all I was saying is some of us can, not all, some parents are comfortable, some not. Aware that some don't even have the ability to speak and exhibit dangerous behavior, whilst some of us can hope if we are prepped enough at the right time and have understanding group of friends and parents who know what our potential is as well as our limits. Like all kids, depends on the area and how confident the kid is and whether they have the ability. You tell me nt to generalise, but believe it or not, some of us are at the completely other end of the ability spectrum and should be encouraged and supported to make our first steps to leading an independent life, don't assume if people have certain conditions that that forbids their parents from trying. Sorry if I offended.

Just wanted to get out not all people with asd are the same, like all children, some will be better at coping than others. :-)

[AnyFucker]

IMO, no child of 5yo should play out unsupervised

[thefirstMrsDeVere]

My DS lies like a big fat lieing thing who lives in Lieland.

BTW.

[thefirstMrsDeVere]

My DS has ASD and LDs.

He is now 8 and I let him play out the front for short periods.
We keep the blinds open so I we can see what he is doing.
We watch him all the time.
I want him to be able to play and mix with other kids but we have to be realistic about what he can cope with. Hopefully the more practice he gets the more he will be able to cope.

At five there is no way he would have been safe to play out. No way.

But then nor would have my NT DS1. He was a nightmare, no concentration, no common sense and he is 'G&T' apparently.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

i wouldnt let a 5yr play outside alone regardless if sn or not

[OpenMouthInsertFoot]

"if you have met one person with autism, you have met ONE person with autism"

Never a truer word said, squidworth - well, never a truer word typed, anyway

It's a funny thing about autism, that people say people with autism are... people with autism do...

You simply don't get it in very many other ways. Can you imagine - people in wheelchairs all... Black people all ...

Yet if you are on the - massive! - autistic spectrum, somehow you are popped out of, I dunno, some sort of mould, iyswim.

I have 2 children. They both have autism. They are totally different in every way. You simply couldn't get 2 more different personalities if you tried!

[lesley33]

As he has SN YANBU. But in many other countries e.g. Germany, children aged 5 routinely get to and from school themselves. That would include taking ordinary buses in large cities.

[halcyondays]

Yes, that's right, festi, he didn't stay in own street, but had wandered off and his dad didn't know where he was but didn't seem overly concerned. All children with ASD are different, but I live in a cul de sac, lots of 4 and 5 year olds play out, but only in their own street. They wouldn't be allowed to go any further, from what I can see. I don't think any child of that age should be playing out if they can't be relied on to stay nearby, in their own street.

[festi]

I think the issue from ops original thread in the week is that the boy wanders off without his parents being aware of it. he had left the road they lived in whilst playing with her DCs.

[squidworth]

A useful phrase for autism "if you have met one person with autism, you have met ONE person with autism". It is a huge spectrum from a person described as having a few quirks to someone whose life is disabilised by autism. ASD or no ASD I would not like a five year old to play unsupervised.

[Hulababy]

I wouldn't let any 5yo play out unsupervised personally.

[Pagwatch]

I wouldn't let any child of 5 play out unsupervised.

But is the usual response to posting a thread and getting disagreed with, to repost to try and get a different opinion? If you are sure you are right isn't there a point when you just accept that not everyone is going to agree with you? If this goes tits up will you start another thread?

I am just curious.