should i stay or should i go!?!?!?

[mrsandrexx]

i am new to this so please stick with me as im not really sure how this netmums thing works but im trying bcause i really need help!

i live with my partner of 4 and a half years have one DD,love them both more than life itsself. problem is i lost my job about 6months ago my partner works hard and is paying everything rent/bills/food ect which is maxing him right out. which is leading us to massive arrguements. I am trying my best to find another job. but feel like am banging my head off a brick wall. must have applied for 60+ jobs and only had 3 interviews. my partner is now saying he cant afford to "keep me" as he puts it,and says i would be better off being a single mum! this is the last thing i want. so should i stay or should i go? (i dont want to be a single mum living off benifits,but feel like im getting pushed into it) as i have no money no family and maybe soon to be no house.

anyone any advice on how to handle this/him ???
ps sorry my first post is a -ive one. x

[FilthyDirtyHeathen]

It does sound like an excuse to end the relationship .

Maybe get an appointment to talk to the CAB so that you can get a handle on what your rights are so that he doesn't try and fuck you over by persuading you that you should leave the family home.

Also, remind him of his moral responsiblity as a parent to provide a home and food for his child. At the moment it sounds as though he would happily see his own child homeless.

To be brutally honest he sounds like a prick. Please be strong and don't let him railroad you into anything in a hurry.

[NinkyNonker]

God, what an arse.

[ZhenXiang]

Mrsandrex - is DP the house owner or tenant for your home?

In which case a letter of confirmation from him stating that you cannot stay will be enough for the council to accept you as homeless and in priority need (with your daughter). They might also require proof of his sole tenancy/ownership in copy of rental agreement/deeds.

They have a duty to put you in emergency temporary accomodation until you have completed your homeless application when they will decide to put you into second stage temporary accomodation if they accept that you were not made intentionally homeless.

If you are the tenant/co-owner I would suggest you seek legal advice as it would be a bit more complicated. Housing lawyers should be able to advise you.

[mrsandrexx]

east ayrshire. the thing i really dont understand is he was never like this,he used to be so easy going loving,funny, nice to be with ,now passed couple of months since things money wise have got really tight. eg having no money at all and no food he has transformed into a monster. i am feeling it to feel like shit because having to borrow money of people not being able to take my DD anywhere but would never take it out on him,like he has done me. so the only reason am holding on that things might change is because he never used to be like his and hoping he go`s back to what he used to be like. am i silly for thinging like that? or is he just a wanker thats showing his true colours now when the goings got tuff?? aargh

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

Has there ever been money issues before? Like when you had your DD, was he eager for you to go back to work straight away or anything?

Do you think he might be having an affair?

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

Sorry got to go out, will pop back later.

[mrsandrexx]

he has sole tenancy of the house the only thing my name is on is the council tax and all othere bills letters ect go to the same address.

think a trip to the CAB maybe on the cards

thank you for your help/info really means alot.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

East Ayrshire? You can walk into a council property in about a fortnight. Seriously. I know of a single woman with one young child got a three bed, and her single pal (no dc) got a 2 bed. Another single woman also got a 2 bed. However, these are not in the most desirable areas.

[mrsandrexx]

not been any money issues as bad as they are now,when my DD was born i was the one pushing to go back to work as i wanted as much money as possible to help support the whole family. i dont think hes having an affair as he rarely gos out the house, plus he tells me about his pals, work pals. that are doing it and the way he talks about them he seems disgusted with them,but then again dont think i would rule it out as i dont have a clue why hes being so mean to someone hes meant to love ,huh god knows.

[MardyArsedMidlander]

It's kind of ironic that he's disgusted at his work pals having affairs yet seems to think it's OK to throw out you and HIS CHILD just because he resents paying for you? I can't see how he has much of a moral high ground TBH.

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

He might be saying that he's disgusted with them to try to cover his arse a bit?

Has he ever given any signs that he is weird about money before? Or that he wouldn't want to be the breadwinner and supporting his family?

Does he begrudge paying for his daughter as much as he does paying for you?

[aldiwhore]

He's not your partner, he's a twat.

Leave, be a single mum, build up a support network of people who actually give a damn, maybe meet someone who'd do anything for you.

If everything's in his name its probably easier to get away. Pack your stuff when he's at work and if necessary find a refuge... it will be hard, it will take time, but in the long run you'll be free (ish) of this arse of a 'man'.

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

How are you OP? Any developments?

[mrsandrexx]

im still in the house hes not even talking (shouting) now i am getting the silent treatment,,soo confussed! any ideas on how i find out if hes having an affair? i asked him he says im a nutter!

[startwig1982]

While I sympathise hugely, I have no words of wisdom but can offer hugs! Plus, I did think from the title that this might be a karaoke thread...

[FabbyChic]

Firstly you would need a deposit and rent in advance to rent somewhere, then probably furniture to furnish it. You would get your rent paid as a single parent, and your council tax. You would be entitled to benefits, income support, child tax credits and family allowance.

if your partner earns below 44k you are at present entitled to tax credits are you getting them?

[squeakytoy]

How old are you? Do you have family nearby who can help you with this? Sorry to say your partner sounds like a controlling idiot, and to be frank, you would be better off without him.

[Someonesnotinbed]

If you go there could be trouble with the DSS if they suss you're still together

But if you stay it will be double since you will have the money worries, plus your partner will feel that you're imposing on him.

[FabbyChic]

YOu can have a boyfriend and claim benefits, for fucks sake.

YOu can still be together but not live under the same roof it is not illegal and you cannot get into trouble!

You can even sleep together under the same roof three times a week, you can still see each other every day.

[hammerhead]

Call his bluff and tell him you're leaving as soon as you can find suitable accomodation. Look at the CSA calculator online, it is fairly easy to use. Tell him how much he will be expected to pay towards DS. He will pay more or less depending upon how many nights DS stays over with him - the calculator explains all this. Ask him how he would like to divide up the furniture and your joint belongings. He cannot expect his DS to live in an empty house.

If he still insists on you leaving then I am afraid he just wants to end the relationship and is looking for an excuse to get rid of you and DS. If I were you, I'd tell him to get lost anyway, he sounds like an immature loser.

[mrsandrexx]

wow thanks everyone lots of helpfull stuff there! Someonesnotinbed the DSS know we are together,thats why he thinks we would both be better off money wise living apart. i am 25 squeakytoy ,just got my dad that lives near by but feel like a cant talk to him cause i dont want him to worry about me.

i am starting to think moving out,being a single mum(eeek! im scared) try and get a place of my own, get my head sorted out, learn to stand on my own two feet give it some time and hopefully he might see what hes lost. hope that happends and by the time he dose see that i hope i never take him back .grrr yhink hes actully putting me off men for life.

[mrsandrexx]

think not yhink

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

I can't see that he wants to continue the relationship if he's asking you to move out. It just doesn't make sense that it would be for money only. Who would put their child through the upheaval just for money only after 6 months of being a bit skint?!

I can't see that you can stay with him now anyway, no matter what happens. He has shown himself to be unsupportive (literally won't support you even though you are the mother of his child) and you can't live your life like that. I couldn't anyway.

I assume you are doing full time child care for your dc at the moment while you are not working? Does he think that is worth nothing?

And why the fuck isn't he speaking to you? What does he think you have done wrong? I don't get it.