to think that it is far harder for a woman to leave a relationship than for a man to

[soggy14]

and that lots of women still end up trapped in pretty rotten relationships because they gave up careers etc to have kids/support partners and it is very hard to get back on the career ladder/re-establish yourself. In many cases the male half of a partnership can still leave the reationship fairly unscaved career wise but the womnan can't - even with maintenance the childcare infrastructure is not there to anable many women to re establish themselves career wise

[Cocoflower]

Im pretty sure men leave realtionships for a massive spectrum of reasons- no different to women. They are human too.

Back to the op- yes in some cases- but there are also women with very rich DH who can end up quite wealthy out of divorces too

Especially if their DH was very controlling with money- they will suddenly have access and control to a large sum so end up better off than married when the had limited spending power

[AnyFucker]

Ray did I say all men ? Nope, I didn't.

And fair play to you for attempting to refute two separate poster's opinions in one succinct observation. That takes a special kind of skill.

Which you don't have.

You are of course entitled to your opinion though.

[SunRaysthruClouds]

AF and Minx - since

"men will only leave when they have an alternative lined up." and
"Women tend to leave for a variety of reasons, disillusionment, dissatistaction, emotional abuse and neglect, being treated like s**t basically, getting bored etc.etc"
..and one assumes when they also have an alternative lined up,

then based on these generalisations women are clearly less capabable of resolving problems and are less mature or responsible than men; since we all agree that it takes two in a relationship and women are equally capable of being the source of unhappiness they must be more easily dissatisfied. Or men are more easy going.

Or you are wrong.

[wildfig]

Well, you're also assuming that all women are mothers. There's a difference between arguing that mothers find it harder to leave relationships between the impact on their children/financial situations post-separation, and arguing that women find it harder to leave relationships generally because they're conditioned to keep trying longer, or don't want to be alone, or whatever reason you'd cite to support that.

[soggy14]

I'm not assuming that all women are SAHMs - I work. I just think that there is still a lot of prejudice around against women with children (last time I went for an interview - to move from PT to FT - was told by one of the panel that interviewed me (all women in their 50s) that I was considered not suitable as they had decided that there was a risk that I'd get intoa mess if my childcare arrangements fell through - was actually shocked by this but having talked to friends about it have found that these attitudes are around. And no I couldn't report this as I had no proof - just a verbal unwitnessed conversation when I asked for feedback. So muy point is that for women everything is often harder to do in a relationship whereas for the man it doesn't make so much difference and I suspect is still often easier as there are still attitudes around about how a man need a woman to support him.

[eurochick]

The key is keeping financial independence.

[Wamster]

I disagree. Men do not only leave a relationship because they have an alternative lined up. What if they are being abused-financially, emotionally, or physically? These are all reasons why people leave.


Men can be victims of violence and abuse, too. Sometimes they leave because they have had enough. I think it is really unreasonable to say that having an alternative lined up is the only reason they leave.

[Snorbs]

[Declaration of interest: I'm a man]

I've ended two relationships and been the one left in two more. In neither of the relationships I ended was there anyone else involved. In the first instance I came to realise that the relationship simply wasn't working and there was no realistic hope that it could. I moved out and lived the life of a single man for about a year before I started another relationship.

In the second instance I ended it due to emotional abuse. It was a hell of a lot harder to end the second than the first as we had DCs together and I was facing the very real prospect of having my contact with them severely curtailed. The main reason I stuck it out in that relationship for so long was fear of losing touch with my children.

In the two situations where I was the one being asked to leave, in one there was someone else involved (on her part) and in the other it was pretty clear it just wasn't working and she simply decided to end it before I did. Fair enough.

Quite frankly the thought of trying to maintain relationships with two women at the same time brings me out in hives. It's hard enough work dealing with one...

[minxofmancunia]

YANBU,

Agree with anyfucker men will only leave when they have an alternative lined up.

Women tend to leave for a variety of reasons, disillusionment, dissatistaction, emotional abuse and neglect, being treated like s**t basically, getting bored etc.etc.

If i was to leave it would be out of an overwhelming desire to be on my own. I would NEVER live with a man again, NEVER have shared finances and probably never commit to a monogamous relationship. I'm somehwhat disillusioned by the whole marriage fairytale. And now I'm part time I'm too skint for a mortgage or even rent. So I'm stuck, and I actually think if I was still independent it would make our relationship better as I'd feel less trapped and therefore less resentful and bitter. I intend to up my earnings and start saving as soon as I can.

I think the reasons celebrities move from relationship to relationship when they decide enough is enough is because they can just jump ship into a new property without any hassle...

[needinstructions]

From my observations, people (men or women) rarely seem to leave relationships unless they have a new partner lined up ready. I don't think this necessarily means that the affair is THE reason for the split though, just that people tend not to be brave enough to leave if they think they'll be on their own.

Obviously it helps if you're financially independent but I still think most people have a fear of being alone/lonely or not being able to cope with children on their own/missing them that would override any desire to leave unless you can actually properly envisage the 'new and better' life ahead.

Of course that 'new and better' life may not turn out the way you expect, but it may have been the catalyst for leaving a situation in which you weren't happy. Don't know whether this is a bad or a good thing - probably depends on how serious that problems were in the original relationship.

[TheBride]

If you are married, sometimes you're financially ok having being a SAHM because you can still argue for spousal maintenance as well as maintenance for the DC's and a 50/50 asset split.

If you're not married, this doesn't apply though.

[mayorquimby]

Wouldn't agree with your theory. There's different worries.
Of the type of women you are describing (given up career/financially reliant etc) the flip-side for men is losing/reduced contact with their children, having to leave the home, financial responsibilities.

[Whatmeworry]

As a small and unrepresentative sample, of the people I know with DCs I counted 7 divorces:

• 3 men had affairs ( in 1 I dont blame him)
  
• 2 women had affairs (in 1 I dont blame her)
  
• 1 woman left (probably having affair as shacked up not long afterwards)
  
• 1 woman just got fed up with husband and left him
  

Nevertheless, that's a lot of women ending things.

[HappyMummyOfOne]

Surely if you give up a career and rely on another adult to support you then you do that knowing if anything happens you may struggle to financially support yourself be it male or female after so many years out of the job market. Lots of parents continue to work for that very reason.

Men get the raw deal from the courts as custody is usually awarded to the female whereas if 50/50 was given as a starting point more men wouldnt have to stay in unhappy relationships because they fear they will see very little of the children if they end things - something women dont have to worry about.

[TrillianAstra]

Women are also encouraged to believe that their worth as a person is (to some extent) measured by their ability to catch and keep a man.

[Wamster]

Yanbu to think this way. If it is just an observation, you are right, but the blame lies with the person who let themselves fall into this situation.


By the way, men leave relationship for a variety of reasons not just because of other women.

[exoticfruits]

Even if you are a SAHM you could leave by yourself and get a job. The person who has the difficulty is the one who takes the DCs, that does make it difficult, whether you are a man or a woman, even if you are highly paid.
Leaving the DCs is a high emotional cost.
I think that OP is making the assumption that all women have no jobs or incomes and they will be the ones to keep the DCs.
In many families the woman earns more, the father may even be a stay at home Dad. All you can say is that a stay at home parent would find it more difficult.

[Proudnscary]

Well the OP seems to have only been talking in financial/practical terms, not emotional terms and in that case is being WILDLY unreasonable for the presumption that women are all SAHMs!!

[Whatmeworry]

Yabu you are confusing women with stay at home parents

That.

Also, some people (men and women) tend to be more able to let go of emotional investment.

[Proudnscary]

individual

[Proudnscary]

It completely depends on the indivdual circumstances!!!

I am stunned that you are assuming all women 'give up careers' when they start families.

I didn't!

[exoticfruits]

Anyone who has given up work to stay at home would find it difficult and the one taking the children would find it difficult. It generally happens to be the woman.

[jellybeans208]

No cause men lose ther children which is more important than losing money. You still get money in single parent benefits and for a lot of men they wontmake anywhere near as much as the woman would by doing that if they are on a low wage like a lot of men are.

Also if you were a single parent you would get your childcare paid so could find a job

[minimisschief]

Yabu you are confusing women with stay at home parents.

[missmogwi]

YANBU