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AIBU?

to want to discourage ds1 from joining army cadets.

71 replies

VoldemortsNipple · 04/09/2011 14:54

He used to do scouts, which he loved. I know he will love cadets and will get loads out of it. But I just feel its the first early step to join the army and it makes my stomach twist.

I know joining cadets doesn't mean you have to join the army, but DS1 quite likes the idea and if they didn't have to go to war, it would be perfect for him. But I'm his mum and I don't want him to. I think the instructors will brainwash him.

Also I think the cadets could make him a target for bullies. The training centre isn't in the safest area.

AIBU to have these thorghts over a kids club? He's 12 by the way.

OP posts:

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exoticfruits · 05/09/2011 11:03

YABU. They do great things and have great opportunities, all for free or very little cost. They don't all join up. If he wants to join I can't see why you would stop him-it only makes it more desirable. He is not you and there is no reason why he should hold your views. Let him make up his own mind.
(I am astounded by the number of people who give birth and think their DCs should agree with their views).

exoticfruits · 05/09/2011 11:04

Why would the leaders brain wash him? Why would he be the target for bullies?

exoticfruits · 05/09/2011 11:05

In fact I would say that the majority don't join up.

TeamDamon · 05/09/2011 11:23

In our school the CCF is run by ex-military personnel (now on the teaching staff) who are all suitably qualified for the job. There is no question of it being a recruitment exercise, but what it does seem to do is attract the highly organised, highly motivated students who enjoy the challenges it offers. They have a massive range of opportunities for outdoor activities and learning new skills. Last year, I took two ex-students, both cadets, with me as support staff on a Gold DofE expedition and they were worth their weight in gold. Utterly reliable, competent and unflappable.

The CCF can turn out some superb young adults. If my DS wanted to join when he was old enough, I'd be grateful for all the opportunities he would be getting.

seeker · 05/09/2011 11:25

For me it wouldn't necessarily be about not wanting him to join up. It would be not wanting him to b in a Services environment. But, as I said,nI hope my children would have to tools to make an informed decision.

exoticfruits · 05/09/2011 14:20

Exactly-let them make an informed decision rather than 'my mother thinks'.
DH was in the air cadets at school. Where else do you get to fly gliders for free?! He didn't join the forces.
DS applied to join the RAF -he didn't pass the interview. It was his decision. I was pleased that he took another direction, but I would have supported him.(he wasn't in the cadet force)
The only person's career that I can choose is my own.

Nailitorelse · 05/09/2011 14:57

YABU (although I do understand why) - it may be a great way to ensure that he has a focus and an interest going into the difficlut years of being a teenager, in an attempt to keep him off the streets and getting into trouble when he is bored.
In fact, perhaps we should insist that all 13 year olds join one of the cadet forces for at least 2 years, to try and get the youth of this country back on track and to repair the damaged caused by the massive lack of parental guidance and morality in certain sections of society.

seeker · 05/09/2011 16:12

Over my dead body, nailitorelse!

Why can't he go to Scouts?

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 05/09/2011 16:38

DH was in the army cadets; he seems to have done almost exactly the same things as I did in the St John Ambulance cadets (camping, outdoor activities, marching!), only I did no gun stuff, and more first aid.

Would St John Ambulance be more... ethically acceptable?

exoticfruits · 05/09/2011 16:39

My DS chose Scouts-but they had a good, well led group. I can quite see that if there isn't a good Scout option someone would go for cadets instead. I think that cadets is cheaper-they even get most of the uniform.
Just looking on the Air Cadet web site it gives opportunities for:
camping,rock climbing, abseiling, high-level hill walking, mountain-biking, canoeing, high rope work and sailing ,gliding, powered flying experience, Duke of Edinburgh award training etc
There is no obligation to join up.
It is up to the DC to see whether it suits them. I wouldn't have done it when young-but they are not me.

OhdearNigel · 05/09/2011 17:05

YABU. I did army cadets, in fact it was compulsory at my school for all the boys between the ages of 13 and 16. They certainly did not push anyone into a career in the army, far from it. Only 1 of the boys in my year went into the services, he's a fighter pilot.

Army cadets is brilliant.

OhdearNigel · 05/09/2011 17:05

Should point out that I am a girl and did ACF from 16 - 18 (boys school with mixed 6th form)

Pocketsocks · 05/09/2011 18:27

YABU, get him to be a sea cadet, they are way cooler!

Seriously as others have said, the cadets is a world away from actually joining up and we never had anyone pushing an agenda on us. At the end of my time with the sea cadets most of the staff was made up of cadets who had turned 18 and wanted to stay put, not recruiters.

Santac · 05/09/2011 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VoldemortsNipple · 05/09/2011 22:25

exoticfruit did you even read through the thread?
I have not tried to push my views on to DS, neither would I. The thread title says want to discourage. I explained that I thorght it would be good for DS and my reason was based on my own insecurities.
After reading the replies from people who explained to me what cadets was all about, I realised that I didn't need to worry.

update
We took DS along to the cadets tonight to get some more information. The TA base was very secure. There were young lads inside who saw us trying to find how to get in. One came over and helped us straight away. He buzzed up to the office and told the lady a new recruit wanted to join. When we got through the gates, he shouted to another boy to take us up to the office. This boy took us through with no back chat or moaning. Every single one of the lads were polite and curtious, a real credit to there parents and the cadets.

Anyway we spoke to the leaders and DS is joining up on Thursday. Thank you everyone for all your words of wisdom.

OP posts:

EdithWeston · 05/09/2011 22:31

I'm so glad you had a positive impression, and I hope it works out for you both.

We met a bunch of cadets at an Armed Forces day event at a local park: you couldn't hope to meet a nicer, politer group of articulate teenagers who clearly loved what they were doing.

timidviper · 05/09/2011 22:43

TeamDamon has said everything I would. My DCs both went to a school with a cadet force and belonged to the army cadets, DS from 13 to 18 (he became an officer in 6th form) and DD from 13 to 16. Both had great fun, really enjoyed it and learned a lot.

There was never any pressure at all to enlist.

Hope your son enjoys it as much as my DCs did

seeker · 05/09/2011 22:54

Voldermort - why not Scouts?

VoldemortsNipple · 05/09/2011 23:18

Seeker, he went to beavers, cubs and scouts from when he was six until last Christmas. We have moved house and it was becoming to difficult to get him there. I don't drive, so it meant getting two buses. I would get home from work at 6.30pm and have to leave the house at 6.45pm to get him to scouts. Then I'd have to wait around to bring him home.

The cadet place is only a ten minute walk away. I still hate the thorght of him using the shooting range and learning to assemble a gun. I don't even let him play CoD on the xbox, but apparently they do that on a separate day. DS loved the idea that side of it.

OP posts:

exoticfruits · 06/09/2011 08:07

exoticfruit did you even read through the thread?
I have not tried to push my views on to DS, neither would I.

Yes I did read the thread. I was responding to seeker who doesn't like the services and wouldn't want her DCs joining them. Which is fine-I was just pointing out that a DC isn't necessarily going to have the same views and there is no reason why they should. People don't live their lives because 'my mother thinks' (at least I hope they don't).

GnomeDePlume · 06/09/2011 09:53

Voldemort - glad to hear that you and your DS had such a positive experience. We are waiting for DS's call up papers invitation to attend an enrolment evening. I suppose the difference for us is that my family has a sort of semi-detached relationship with the armed forces so it doesnt seem at all strange or wrong to me.

My DCs all tried other groups - scouts for DS never replied, guides were religious, St John's were hopeless. That leaves cadets for us.

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