to think that you should establish how well you & your partner will support you/your children?

[OneMoreChap]

You've decided you want to have kids.
You have decided with whom you want to have them.

They are willing to have kids.

If they are a man, should you check that they will support you through pregnancy, birth and early years, and look to see if they are supporting their other children, if any?

If they are a woman, should you check how well they - and any previous partners - are supporting their existing children.

Should both of you look to see how well you can support your children, before looking to benefit support?

[FWIW, I have 2 children with XW; DS & DD both adults now, though in education. I have, quite rightly, spent scores of thousands in supporting both of them to adulthood. XW & I were both professionals; both worked bar XW taking about 18 months out of work late pregnancy early years.]

[Triggles]

Let's see.. on page two and already taken a shot at poor people who have children as well as victims of domestic violence.

This type of thread has been done to death.. and it's sooo predictable.

Single mums are the next target, I suppose....

Don't you have better things to do than run other people down? Smug and self-righteous is not a pretty look for most people...

[Laquitar]

HalfTermHero.

[GypsyMoth]

You failed at your marriage op?

Not so smug and perfect then!

[motherinferior]

Reelingintheyears - yes, well, we're still together and have another daughter too now!

[TheBigJessie]

I know what you're getting at, but unfortunately even if men and women discuss the future, and potential situations, problems can still arise. For example, people lie to each other. (The cliched example is the new girlfriend who believes everything a guy says about his crazyex-wife" and how she won't let him see the kids, but there are lots of more believable lies people tell.)

Sometimes people ask the wrong questions in the first place through inexperience.

Sometimes people can't grasp how terrible or difficult a potential situation could be, until they've lived it, which is a very human trait. Sometimes it's harmlessly comical (a childless young person who asks, "why would a walking 11 month old still need a pushchair?").

Sometimes it's not very funny at all: a popular apocryphal story is of the new girlfriend who sympathises to her new boyfriend about how awful it must have been when his ex-wife "let herself go after the baby" and says she'll always make time to make herself nice for him. Couple of years later, she will see it from the ex's point of view.

And of course, there's infinite bunfight fodder in the people who wonder why breastfeeding mothers can't just pump before they go out!