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AIBU?

to not like my mum saying to DD1...

57 replies

Chica31 · 15/08/2011 20:59

How much does Nana love you? My DD then has to say, this much, and throw her arms wide.

Some context, we live along way from family. See my parents about 3 times a year for about a week, sometimes a bit more at a time. We go to their house once a year in the summer, this is when this started.

DD1 is 2.3 years and DD2 is 6 months.

It really annoyed me while we were there, but didn't say anything. Only there for a short time and couldn't be doing with the aftermath. But she started it again on skype today.

Would it bother you, or AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

ddubsgirl · 15/08/2011 21:11

awwww my kids nana has always said to them & other grankids that she loves them to the moon & back and doing the wide arms,its harmless.

Choufleur · 15/08/2011 21:11

DS loves me a 700, thousand, billion and 20 times around the world (well at bedtime he did). I love him that much and a hop.

What on earth is wrong with telling someone how much you love them!!

YABU.

DeepPurple · 15/08/2011 21:12

My DD loves that book purplepidjin. I'm pretty sick of reading it now.

I think it's sweet but it's obviously something that bugs you for no rational reason.

FreudianSlipper · 15/08/2011 21:13

why does it bother you

my mum is always telling ds what a wonderful little boy he is and how much she loves him. he is her favourite little person and no one is more important, at last we agree on something

really leave them to it they are happy and she is doing no harm

wigglesrock · 15/08/2011 21:17

KAZAAM it's the Barney song

My mum and dds do this, it originally came from the book, doesn't bother me at all, lots of other things my mum does

TalesOfTheUnexpected · 15/08/2011 21:18

Chica, I can relate to this in a way if you were never or hardly told by your mother how much she loves YOU, not your daughter.

My mother has never, could never and will never tell me she loves me.

She will, however, frequently tell my daughter (her grandchild) how she loves and adores her.

So, I think, if that's the case YANBU at all.

wigglesrock · 15/08/2011 21:18

Sorry KAZAMM not KAZAAM God now I feel like I'm being very shouty

ChumleeIsMyHomeboy · 15/08/2011 21:22

What a weird weird thing to get riled about. As someone said above, you do sound a tad unhinged. Are you always like this?

RumourOfAHurricane · 15/08/2011 21:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

VeronicaCake · 15/08/2011 21:24

I think 'Guess how much I love you' isn't for everyone.

Yesterday evening a very tired 15mo dd was curled up on my knee drinking a cup of milk. The lights were dim. Her eyelids were drooping as I read the very last line of her story to her: 'I love you to the moon and back'. At which point DH made a loud retching noise and said 'The problem with that story is that Big Nutbrown Hare sounds like the kind of tosser who always has to have the last word on everything.'

Is that why it pissed you off too?

KAZAMM · 15/08/2011 21:28

Thanks wigglesrock! I've got it stuck in my head now

wigglesrock · 15/08/2011 21:30

I had it stuck in my head for 2 bloody years , dd2 loved it, dd3 is not allowed to ever hear it!

prettyfly1 · 15/08/2011 21:32

YABU. A lot. My son frequently informs me he loves me to the moon and back and to infinity. At my behest I might add.

Chica31 · 15/08/2011 22:03

Thanks every one. I am being unreasonable then.

I have no idea why it bothered me so much it just really did. It didn't sit comfortably with DH either. He has no real idea either, he said it sounded like a competition?????

Anyway...I have a difficult relationship with my mother, DH and I both think she has a Narcissistic personality, she seems to "tick all the boxes".

Maybe I feel she is controlling DD too???

Don't know

Thanks everyone, I wont say anything to her.

OP posts:

Chica31 · 15/08/2011 22:07

Thanks TalesOfTheUnexpected, no my mum never really told me she loved me. I am often told what a horrible teenager I was. I really wasn't that bad at all.

However, she once told me "I do love you, but I don't like you very much at the moment". She likes to mention how she told me this as a teenager every so often

OP posts:

BBQFrenzy · 15/08/2011 22:08

Chica Does sound like you might be irked for deeper issues to do with your relationship with your mum so there might be context MN can't see.

If it's of any consolation my mother has trained all of her GCs (well bar mine, not yet talking fully) to call her Nana Darling. Not just Nana. Not Nana (her name). But Nana Darling.

She got a bit huffy when I told her my friend's DCs call their nana (indian heritage) Rani Ma - which means Queen Nana. I could just see her kicking herself mentally and wishing she'd thought of something like that instead of coming up with Nana Darling.

biddysmama · 15/08/2011 22:13

my great-grandad used to do this, but you had to (gently)smack the person in the face when you flung your arms out this thread made me remember himand cry a little he died 18 years ago, thankyou!

exoticfruits · 15/08/2011 22:19

Glad you have listened. It makes it sound as if there is only so much love to go around and love for one takes it away from another!
The more people that love a DC the better for the DC-and it does no harm to say so.

pigletmania · 15/08/2011 22:28

YABVVVVU why they hell does that annoy you . Would you prefer it if she did not express her love for your dd. Be thankful she does, because many MNetters parents do not.

MyHipsHurt · 15/08/2011 22:42

I wish my mother had said that to my DCs, just once. But then again, she's never looked at me and told me she loves me, as a child or adult, never :(

OP, what would you rather your mum say - nothing? Think how lovely your DC must feel hearing how much her nana loves her and how real it must feel for her to show it as much as her arms will stretch. Please don't try and stop this, these are lovely memories for your DC.

However, if your mum is a narc, then I do understand that it might grate a bit with you.

sue52 · 15/08/2011 23:01

She only sees her grandchild a few times a year and wants her to know she is loved. YABU.

FreudianSlipper · 15/08/2011 23:37

i can not remember my mum ever shown me affection, she says love you at teh end of a phone call but its shallow she always but her boyfriends before me, can not hug me even when i have been crying my heart out on front of her she just looks through me. once she did try to hug me felt so uncomfortable i am glad she has not tried since

but i have accepted that she is not the mum i wanted her to be and she never will. i know she loves me, not like she loves ds i am well aware who is loved more she makes it quite obvious but it just does not bother me. i can totally understand why she loves ds so much. ds makes her happy and they have a lovely relationship

i think though accepting our realtionship has helped if i hadn't i am sure i would be feeling hurt too.

you may be surprised though i was totally shocked when a friend of mine told me how much my mum praises me and thinks i am a wonderful mummy and they only time i remember her paying a compliment i thought she was taking the piss

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FunkyChicken · 16/08/2011 01:23

OP - I'm sort of with you on this one though I can't properly explain why either! I think I just find it a bit cringy when I overhear other people talking about how much they love each other - especially with tiny children who don't really understand the word. It makes it a bit cheesy/American rom commy if you know what I mean?! I DO tell my DC/DH that I love them lots - just not when other people are within earshot as its a bit sickly IMO. I know I'm probably just a bit old fashioned! I blame the death of Princess Di for the Brits all getting a bit too showy with our emotions since then BUT on the scale of things - best to just be happy that families love each other - thats the main thing!

GothAnneGeddes · 16/08/2011 02:24

I do wish people would stop diagnosing their family members with personality disorders. Mental health diagnosis is not a box ticking exercise.

OP YABU.

iscream · 16/08/2011 06:20

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