Parent tried to make me feel bad about my DD's school

[sassyminder]

But thanks God he didn't win.
My dd went to the nursery I wanted her to go since I was pregnant.
It is rated outstanding but to be honest I was ever a bit disappointed with the school, but I always thought maybe I was been to exigent.
It was my first choice primary when I had to apply for reception, as my dd was setteld and had friends (and I befriended other parents too).
But we were sent to my 5th choice which made me angry, sad, desperate and depressed for while, as the school does not have a great reputation. But turns out that the new head teacher appointed in 2007 is doing realy well and I realised that it is not the end of the world and there is nothing I can do about it. The school is graded good anyway.
Now I hae visited the school and searched about it, sopke to toher parents about it and I got a good feeling about the school. My dd is looking foward to start there and I am looking foward to the teachers home visit.
But on the back of my mind I am hoping that this does not turn to be a big disaster and I am trying be strong specially because every single friend of ours got their 1st choice and I have to put on a brave face and try not to feel sorry for myself or like the biggest loser around.
I was in a B'day party when a parent that isn't is my friend came to me with this boring talking about school places and waiting lists, clearly thinking that my dd got into school A and gossiping about other children who did not get into it. As I said my dd got into school R but that was ok and we were happy, he could not let it go and went on saying that school A was the best around and no other school could beat it and my dd would suffer leaving her friends at school A and having to start all over again...
I mean, waht can I do??
Could he just not leave it alone, hoe could he being so insensitive??
I went through a hard time trying to accept my dd was going to school R and be happy about it so she wouldnt pick up my stress or bad emotions, and this guy tried to ruin everything....

Than he said if he was me he would be on the phone everyday trying to monitor my dd's podition on waiting list but I said that even if I win the lottery today she would still attend school R and we were happy about it.

He never spoke to me for the rest of the party.

[sassyminder]

Thank you all for the positive responses!
Have this conversation happened when I just got the reception results I am sure it would have make me feel even worse than I was.
Just can't believe how some people can be so mean

[Olifin]

Sounds like you handled it well. Some people are just twats. I was recently chatting to a mum during a swimming lesson (never met her before). She asked what school my DD goes to and when I told her she started saying she'd been to look around it and really, really didn't like it; didn't get a good feeling from it etc etc. Very tactless. Interestingly, her DC is going to a school which has quite a poor reputation so I wondered if she was just being a bit defensive. As my DD has already done a year at school, I was able to say that we are extremely pleased with it; DD is thriving and very happy; we have been very impressed by the teachers etc... This woman doesn't have any children at school yet so is not talking from experience! It irritated me but only for a wee while.

[biddysmama]

my friend has 2 children in 1 school and her other child got a place at a different school, in a different town, no idea how they expect her to get them all to school, the school said theres no places even if she appeals

[mummytime]

Well done! School is such an emotive issue, and people tend to come out with all kinds of rubbish just to justify their own choices. My DC go to an outstanding school, but it still gets slated by people often with stories of what supposedly happened to " a friends child" 5 years or more ago. A near by school which I didn't like but was always "outstanding" recently went down to good, another which was failing when my eldest started is now"outstanding". Even DCs school has changed a lot, even with the same head, as different teachers do change the atmosphere etc.
I even have a friend who moved her son from his middle class/outstanding school to the "rougher" good one, and he did so much better in the second than the first.

[LynetteScavo]

Wow, he sounds like a right nob-end, and I'd be glad my DC wasn't going to the same school as his!

IME pastoral care is the most important thing about a school, and it isn't always picked up by OFSTED, I can tell you.

It is hard to stand your ground when other people obviously think your children are going to an inferior school to their child, but it sounds like you did really well with nob-end dad. Sadly, he's probably not the last person you will have to justify yourself to about it.

[mummyosaurus]

Honestly, the friends thing matters for about half an hour. She will make loads of friends.

I sympathise as I spend 6 mths worrying about this for DD. I was carefully to hide it from her and only spoke positively about school. She started a term late and knew no kids there.

She has made loads of friends, doing fantastically well and is fine.

It's our job to worry and we do it well .

The man you describe is a absolute prat and I feel sorry for his kids having him as a dad. He will learn though, as your kids go through school you learn Ofsted is to be ignored and a good feeling about a school, the teacher you get each year, the effort you put in with your child, are all much more important.

[alowVeraWithPurpleTwuntyPants]

I also don't agree with ofsted ratings. They just mean that the school was "outstanding" for the days when ofsted were in.
My closest primary is "outstanding" and IMO terrible, dd went to nursery there (early years unit) and was bullied, 3yo and bullied by reception age children, and the schools attitude towards it was that it was normal.

Anyway, she went to another primary school (also outstanding) but when we looked into the SEN department/support, it didn't live up to what I would expect.

We moved dd mid year to another primary, it got "good" at it's last ofsted, and 8 years ago was in special measures. It wasn't originally on our list of options.
But we have found them to be brilliant, they listen to the parents, support the children really well, and the general feel of the school is better, children are well behaved. And the playground at pickup time is more friendly and welcoming.


OP you say your dd is Friendly and outgoing, and there will be plenty of others who will without nursery friends. They will make new friends.

Ignore this twat man and go back to looking forward with excitement at dd starting school. he was being an ignorant twunt your daughter will love it. And so many new friends.

[Helenagrace]

I've had similar experiences. We chose a "good" infant school over an "outstanding" infant school because I didn't get the right vibe about the "outstanding" school. I've never regretted my decision. You know your child and you know where they'll be happy. A school can be amazing and still be wrong for your child.

People do get very smug about their children's schools. When said "outstanding" school crashed to "satisfactory" at their next ofsted and went through three heads in three years I too was smug - even though I think ofsted inspection are not worth the paper they're written on.

Parents will always find something to compete about - just wait until it's reading stages. Now that's competition!!

[sassyminder]

Thank you. Yes I was disappointed with the outstanding school so I do want to try the good (and smaller) one wholehearted and fingers cross everything will be ok
Thank you for reminding me that the gentleman may have issues with his dc's and fear a less than outstanding school...just made me remember how he was pushing his dd to do well on a treasure hunt...! pathetic...

[strictlovingmum]

Absolutely EllenJaneisnotmyname good school might be a better choice, especially OP you say you little girl is friendly and easy going, I am sure she will fit just fine wherever she is.
That man is a prat for going on and on about, but hey his issues with his DC'S are unknown to you, and he may feel nervous about sending them anywhere else but "outstanding" in fear they won't do very well, his problem not yours. Good luck to you and your DD.

[EllenJaneisnotmyname]

Sassy, if your child may need some help with her learning, from my experience the 'outstanding' schools aren't always the most inclusive. Your 'good' school may be a much better bet. Only my experience.

[sassyminder]

I have no concerns about how well she will settle, she is very friendly and outgoing and I am friends with her best friends from nursery and we live close as well so it won't be a problem to have playdates with old friends.
I am just so fed up of people measuring you by which school your child goes to. I don't know about your area, but here where I live it is unbearable. Specially because all the families from my country are fake catholics who managed to get their children into the local catholic school even though they complain every sunday they have to wake up early to go to church, they are such fake people, my real friends don't understand how I can not be friends with them since we are from the same country.
I don't even tottaly believe in Ofsted inspection anyway, but what worries me is the quality of teaching and the pastoral care, as I know - I mean I have a feeling - that my dd will need support with learning.

[nokissymum]

Good for you ! You have sought information about the school, spoken to other parents at the school and seem all in all happy about it, despite the fact it wasnt your initial choice.

Ignore the silly parent trying to make you feel bad. As fas as dd leaving her friends behind is concerned children at that age make friends sooo easily, it will only be a couple of weeks begore you start hearing new names my ds was the only one that went to his primary, at the time i was so nervous for him, especially since most of the other children had come from the same nusery, i shouldnt have worried, he made loads of friends, he was only 4 at the time.


Loving your "win the lottery line" must have been in big smack in the face to him, no wonder he avoided you for rest of the day.
Good luck, with a level headed mum like yourself she will do very well.

[bubblesincoffee]

It sounds like you stood up for yourself well, especially when up against an ignorant, insensitive, egotistical twat.

Ignore him as best you can, although I know it's hard.