to have been shocked by this?

[biddysmama]

because no one else seemed shocked at all...

talking at breastfeeding group about sleep, new mum was saying how tired she was, baby not sleeping, the usua
one of the other mums (she has 5 children) said she couldnt do with out enough sleep so she puts the 4 month old baby in the moses basket in the bathroom and shuts the doors so she cant hear him, she cant put him in with the other children because theres no room...

the conversation carried on about cc and cio, the usual while my jaw was on the floor.... is that normal?

[bumbleymummy]

YANBU. People have become really conditioned to the idea that you should just leave babies to cry. Quite evident by several of the threads on mumsnet that are always accompanied by plenty of justifications and usually the classic 'happy mummy, happy baby' line at some point. I don't agree with it at all whether it is in a bathroom or not!


AandK - babies NEED comfort - is that better? Why wouldn't a baby prefer getting comfort from being held to its mother's breast as other babies have done since the beginning of time over a bit of plastic in its mouth and a cot by itself? It is of course up to you whether you decide to meet that need but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist or isn't a valid reason for the baby to cry.

[kickingking]

Well, I wouldn't do it.

But apparently, my nana used to leave my mum at the bottom of the garden in her pram in the middle of winter and only take her in for four hourly formula feeds. She told me she wouldn't have dared to pick up her babies if it wasn't 'bottle time' in case the HCPs found out.

So. you know, it could be worse...

[nethunsreject]

Yanbu at all.

I was left to cry all the time as a baby. It was common practice in the 70s. Doesn't make it right.

[Whatmeworry]

...wondering how many competitive cry-caring parents on this thread have ever had a baby that cries non stop for months at a time.

I knew the theory, then I had the baby. Chucked the theory out the window and got some sleep. Much better.

[nethunsreject]

Oh, ds2 cried non-stop for his first 5 mths.

Sometimes I had to hand him over to someone else.

Or if no one was around, and I was UTTERLY desperate, put him down for a few minutes. But not routinely! And not as a means of teaching him to sleep!

I am still seriously sleep deprived, but I would rather be that than leave him to scream. I know everyone does things their own way, but the woman described in the op was practically showing off about it!

[Poweredbypepsi]

agree with nethunsreject my middle two had reflux and would scream and throw up constantly. I still think locking a baby in a bathroom is odd.

[bumbleymummy]

I was one of those non stop crying babies and I was never left to cry. My parents would take turns sitting up with me if I wouldn't settle.

[NSEWTravel]

I was the non-stop crying baby who was left. So much so - that they would shut me downstairs, and switch the hoover on upstairs so that they couldn't hear me.

I would not be aware of this apart from the fact my sister had great pleasure in telling me I was a brat when I was a baby when I was a teenager, and being 10 years older, she was aware it was done.

I love both parents have a normal healthy relationship with all 3, and my parents never harmed me, nor themselves, due to sleep deprevation or otherwise.

[Nancy66]

Between the ages of 7 and 9 months DD cried non stop - morning, noon and night.

Sometimes i'd put her in her room, shut the door and plug my ipod in - it was either that her throw her out of the window.

[sungirltan]

yanbu, op. i've read enough about cortisol flooding to know i dont agree with this. fully agree that babies cry because they need, not what - how on earth does a 4 month old have the mental capacity to decide between the two?? ffs they only have need!

and yy to this being cio not cc. not that there is much control with cc - theres an oxymoron if ever i saw one :-(

[OddBoots]

My parents did this with my (now 30-something) brother when he was a baby at the suggestion of the GP, he didn't seem to come to any harm as a result but it's not something I'd want to do with my own children.

[sungirltan]

though that tizzie hall witch would be right there with you agreeing on the want cry idea (shakes head)

[MamaMary]

My granny's neighbour had 8 children. She was a farmer's wife and worked on the farm.

With each baby, she used to feed it and then put it down in a room, shut the door and go out and work on the farm.

All 8 grew up healthy and turned out to be lovely, well-adjusted people (acc. to my granny).

[AuntiePickleBottom]

if i didn't locked myself in the bathrom when dd was 5 months old....i think i would of hurt her.

she cried and cried and cried....my HV suggested putting her in a safe place and walk away for 5 minutes

[bumbleymummy]

There's walking away for a 5 minute break to save sanity and there's leaving your child to cry themselves to sleep alone because you think you need to 'train' them to 'self settle' at a few months old. Big difference.

[AandK]

I never said I routinely did it I said I did it once!!! I needed some sleep, No harm came to him he was perfectly ok and so was I after some much needed rest!

[OpinionatedPlusSprogs]

MIL had five kids and a husband who never lifted a finger to help. She used to put them out in the garden in their prams until she had finished the housework. Would never have got anything done otherwise. Not ideal, IMO babies cry for a reason, but sometimes there is no other option.

Lack of sleep can affect your mental health so I can understand why this mother does it. Sounds like she's not getting enough support.

[fanjoforthemammaries7850]

IMO 4 months is too young to be left to cry without even CC, recommended from 6 months.

And my DD is nearly 5 and sleeps like a newborn (SN) and we still get up to her so I believe it's physically possible to wait a bit longer than 4 months

[LittleJennyRobyn]

All my Dc's were in thier own rooms at about 3 weeks old. As like someone already mentioned i couldn't get to sleep if i could hear them moving about, making suffling noises etc. I would be lying there thinking that they are going to cry any minute, so no point in trying to sleep. When more often than not they would eventually drop off again.

DS2 could wake up between 15-20 times on most nights, he didn't sleep for any more than 15 minutes at a time during the day. Nothing physically wrong, He would just cry.

Having him in his own room meant that i could go to him if the cries were persistant. As alot of the time he would cry for 5 minutes then go back to sleep. I was still exhausted and didn't cope very well through lack of sleep. but it helped having him seperated from me.
If I didn't have a spare room i would have put him in the bathroom. It just another room afterall.

Maybe this mum is in a situation like this.Which i understand fully.

[clueless1]

who says the baby is in there crying? the mum might just be a light sleeper who wakes to every sniff and move. the baby might just be sleeping, not crying the house down.

[biddysmama]

when you put a baby in its own room you can still hear if it, she put him in the bathroom and shut the doors so she couldnt hear it !

[clueless1]

is her bathroom sound proofed?