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AIBU?

To not buy my DD a birthday present

70 replies

Beckie222 · 01/08/2011 21:41

It's my DD's 2nd birthday on Wednesday and I'm considering not buying her a present.
We are having a small party with family over so she will get plenty of fuss made of her.
She doesn't need anything and I would just be buying something for the hell of it. Would I be a very bad mummy for not getting her a present? Will I look back in years to come and feel bad that I never got her anything for her 2nd birthday?

OP posts:

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BebeBelge · 02/08/2011 09:40

Oh, for goodness sake, when did i say giving material things makes a good parent?? I said give a balloon, or crayons, or (shock, horror!) a card! We're hardly talking Playstations here. As someone else said most of the fun at that age is to unwrap something, anything! I just don't get the logic of only buying a present for your child once he or she is old enough to realise it's their birthday! And I do realise OP will be celebrating the occasion with a party and her dd will have other presents but, I am still sad that her own mother doesn't think it is worth it to buy her a present.

Oh, and Mumsnet HQ, please could we have a sarcastic emoticon as obvioulsy I wasn't being serious when I said OP was a bad mother just like I presumed she wasn't being entirely serious by asking it! Sigh.

tawrag · 02/08/2011 09:43

bebe, you keep going on about the OP buying a present/card. Why? It's possible to give presents without spending anything except loving effort. Really, the fact the OP felt she had to ask the original question says a lot about our society's weird "values".

MorallyBankrupt · 02/08/2011 09:43

I do think it's odd to get nothing. I love getting DD things. They don't need to be expensive. I'm getting her some Angelina Ballerina books for her birthday and a dolls pram. There can be middle ground, between a car and nothing.

Oh and neither of my DC have ever played with an empty box. I think that may be a myth....

twinklypearls · 02/08/2011 09:53

My dd is about to be 10 so she is very aware that I don't buy presents. She dies not care.

BebeBelge · 02/08/2011 10:01

OK, I'm going to correct my earlier turn of phrase and then clear off because I can't believe everyone is taking this so piously. The reason I said 'buy' a present is because that is the OP's original wording. I have made it clear already that the gift does not need to be an expensive item. She could wrap up last night's leftovers for all I care as long as the child has something to open. PS. my dd got stickers and socks for her last birthday and ds whose birthday is next week will have similar.
Tawrag i resent your implied judginess about me because i used the word 'buy'. What rae you trying to say? No, don't answer. i don't care.

twinklypearls · 02/08/2011 11:06

I just don't get why you would buy something just so that you can tick the box that says "present bought". It all seems so thoughtless and pointless.

twinklypearls · 02/08/2011 11:07

Clearly my above post should say does not care, not dies not care. It may be shocking but children do not die because they have one less present.

Nanny0gg · 02/08/2011 11:23

Books!
You can never have too many!

YouDoTheMath · 02/08/2011 11:24

Not unreasonable at all. You're throwing her a party - that's your present. They get so much from other people don't they...

janelikesjam · 02/08/2011 11:48

a large wooden spoon and a saucepan. it will probably bring her hours of fun :-)

farnywarny · 02/08/2011 11:57

I can't believe people on this thread are saying you are being a bad mother!! What a ridiculous, narrow minded comment....

OP - YANBU, you will make your dc's day lovely, special and memorable.

On ds's 2nd birthday I spend over £150 on a thomas the tank engine set with every train and every station - he broke it and lost interes the same day...

yoshiLunk · 02/08/2011 12:12

My boys often ask when did I get this, Mum? And I can answer, Noah's Ark = first birthday, pull along cart = 2nd birthday.

However they will never ask, hey Mum what did you get me for my 3rd? So I don't think you need to worry about that.

I do however get them every birthday (so far) a small, short one-tale book and write 'Happy Birthday DC, Love M & D' My Gran used to do this for me and I kept every one.

notso · 02/08/2011 12:16

I would have to get a present, go on a trip or put some money away.

I don't buy stuff through the year really, and try to minimise tat given from others or leave it at nanas.
DD now 11 got a kitchen for her second birthday, she loved it and played with it for years, DS1 also loved it.

I really love birthdays though. I like to put up decorations, cook birthday breakfast pancakes, wrap things really nicely, and see my childrens eyes sparkle when they come down on their birthday morning.

yoshiLunk · 02/08/2011 12:17

Sorry that doesn't sound quite right, should read "they would never ask, 'hey Mum what did you get me for my 3rd birthday' for eg"

happygilmore · 02/08/2011 12:30

LOL at bad mother because of not giving presents! Completely ridiculous and I'm speaking as someone who was given very, very little as a child. I think what you're suggesting sounds great, far too much pressure on people to buy things for children these days.

FWIW DH and I have, at times, not bought each other presents for birthdays/Christmas/Valentine's etc etc but it doesn't bother me in the slightest. He is the kindest person I know, who does lovely things for me all year round, which counts for so, so much more in my book. I see being a parent to our DD in a similar way - she's only 1 and certainly as no idea what I have or have not bought her! I want her to grow up feeling loved because of our relationship and actions, not because of birthdays and Christmases. Whilst she is young we are also trying to save as much as we can so we can pay of the mortgage early, which I feel will be a better present (if you can call it that) for all of us.

My sister would be horrified by this though, for her, she has always bought loads and Christmases and birthdays, and it definitely = love, if you don't buy at least something you don;t love your children. I completely disagree but think it's attitudes like that that keep the retail sector alive!!

Sandalwood · 02/08/2011 13:08

My DD got a bed for her 2nd birthday.
She loved it: felt all grown up with the pretty duvet cover etc.

LeggyBlondeNE · 02/08/2011 13:38

Morallybankrupt - it's not a myth! When we were packing to move house my then 8-month old was very attached to an empty beer box; it was her first sitting-up toy! And at her nursery they have four big empty boxes scattered about because the kids love playing with them. I'm sure somewhere there are even photos of me and my brother using a particularly large box as a canoe around the carpet... ;-)

OP - I was treated with horror by the in-laws about not getting mine anything at Christmas, but really, when they send her an entire sack of presents just from them (one present from each of her uncles, great aunts and uncles and her dad's godparents, plus about 5 from her grandparents) what in the world is left to buy her?! All my family just wrote me a cheque for her! I don't plan on getting her a birthday present either because she won't remember, doesn't need anything, will get far too much stuff from others and frankly I celebrate how much I love her every day.

We'll be having a bottle of bubbly between the grown ups though... ;-)

happygilmore · 02/08/2011 14:21

and frankly I celebrate how much I love her every day

That's exactly what I was trying to say. It's not about being tight, I just think (dons old fogey hat) that these days love is somehow equated to gifts/money/material things. It is so so much more than that. I can't remember any toys from when I was a child, but I remember my sister (who I was very close to) used to rub my back til I fell asleep; hugged me when I cried, and used to play an "I love you more than anything in the world" game every day. That was what made me feel happy, secure and loved.

Firawla · 02/08/2011 14:30

if she doesn't really need anything just buy some things that you would have needed to buy anyway for the yr ahead, like some nice clothes in the size she will be coming into, maybe some spare crayons and colouring things, crafty type things cos it can be used up so does not add to the pile of toys in your house? bubbles, any new drinking cup or plates etc maybe with a character on that she likes? it can be practical things i dont think she will mind but better than just getting nothing!

twinklypearls · 02/08/2011 14:34

Why is it better than nothing? Why do they have to have something?

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