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AIBU?

To not buy my DD a birthday present

70 replies

Beckie222 · 01/08/2011 21:41

It's my DD's 2nd birthday on Wednesday and I'm considering not buying her a present.
We are having a small party with family over so she will get plenty of fuss made of her.
She doesn't need anything and I would just be buying something for the hell of it. Would I be a very bad mummy for not getting her a present? Will I look back in years to come and feel bad that I never got her anything for her 2nd birthday?

OP posts:

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BebeBelge · 02/08/2011 04:27

You are definitely being unreasonable and, sorry, but yes, I think you are being a bad mother too!

How could you not WANT to get your own dd a present? It would be different if you did not have much money, but even then, you must get her something. It can be as others have said a balloon, or some other cheap thing like crayons but, please, please get her something in some shiny paper. You will regret it otherwise! It's not about the gift itself - it's a symbol of celebration and being thankful for your dc's life!

CheerfulYank · 02/08/2011 04:45

YANBU in my book! I always throw big parties for DS (somewhere fun like the farmyard, movie theater etc) because to me it is more about giving him the experience than some plastic piece of junk that he'll just break or be tired of in a month or so.

He usually has two parties, one for friends and one for family, so he ends up getting masses of presents anyway. The parties are his present from me and DH.

You are certainly not being a bad mother!

noblegiraffe · 02/08/2011 07:27

Perhaps you should be more restrained with your tat-buying throughout the year and save it up for the special occasions?

tawrag · 02/08/2011 07:33

Say nothing. Buy nothing. How would she know? It's not a problem unless you make it into one!

Pancakeflipper · 02/08/2011 07:38

I cannot actually remember what I bought our kids for their 2nd birthdays and I doubt they can.

Don't worry about it. You can take her out for a birthday treat later - to a kiddies farm thingy or something if you feel guilty. Or is there something pretty you could buy for her bedroom that YOU fancy !

Pancakeflipper · 02/08/2011 07:40

Oh give over BB - the OP ain't a bad mother. A bad mother would totally ignore the fact it is their kids birthday and make their life hell for the day and their entire lives. Love is not represented by shiny paper 1 day a year ( and I love presents).

exoticfruits · 02/08/2011 07:52

I haven't a clue what I got for my DCs second birthday presents -or even if I got anything-and neither would they. You will not look back and regret it-it won't even cross your mind. As long as she gets other presents, you give your time and make it an occasion, it is silly to get something she doesn't want or need.

exoticfruits · 02/08/2011 07:53

Spending time with her is much, much, much more important than not being there but spending a fortune on a present-that is the really neglected DC.

mummytime · 02/08/2011 08:02

I have to admit when I felt like this I would buy: an item of clothing or consumables (paper, pens etc.) or even "princess" type bubble bath. But I also tried hard to not buy stuff outside of Christmas and Birthdays too much.

BebeBelge · 02/08/2011 08:13

Pancakeflipper - She asked, I answered! I absolutely cannot get my head round the fact that a mother does not want to buy something for her daughter's birthday, regardless of whether or not she needs anything! Of course, love is not shiny paper one day a year (I was being a tad flippant! ) but, for me, birthdays are important and a small way to both show love and feel loved. I say that as someone whose own parents regularly 'forgot' her birthday and is still getting over it - can you tell??. OP - if you don't get her a pressie, at least get her a card!

Olivetti · 02/08/2011 08:17

I agree with zukiecat. I does seem a bit miserable not to want to get her anything. my m-i-l is like this generally, and now DH's family barely bother even to acknowledge birthdays, and at Christmas my DD (then a month old) didn't get a thing from that side of the family. All well and good (cue choruses of "she'll never remember), but it was really sad seeing her few little things on Christmas day, and more to the point, it meant she had hardly any toys for the year ahead, so I am shelling out for them as she grows. Surely your DD will need to grow into certain books and toys between 2 and 3, can't she have one or a couple of them?

qwepoi · 02/08/2011 08:24

I think you should get her something - maybe a nice book. And then clear up some of the 'plastic tat' charity shop, ebay, local mother and toddler group? And then try not to buy too much stuff between Christmas and birthday. You are lucky she is a summer baby so you have a good spread between events.

FlyMeToTheMooncup · 02/08/2011 08:34

I think you should just wrap up something - anything. At that age half the fun is ripping open the paper! What about a new t-shirt or dress to wear on the day, or new jammies for the evening - it's not clutter then because she will get lots of use from clothes. :)

NevermindtheNargles · 02/08/2011 08:35

BebeBelge

The OP is a bad mother? So what you are saying is that it doesn't matter whether you spend all year treating your DCs, teaching them, cuddling them and generally loving them, the only gauge of whether you are a good parent is what they get for their birthday?

NevermindtheNargles · 02/08/2011 08:35

BebeBelge

The OP is a bad mother? So what you are saying is that it doesn't matter whether you spend all year treating your DCs, teaching them, cuddling them and generally loving them, the only gauge of whether you are a good parent is what they get for their birthday?

MorelliOrRanger · 02/08/2011 08:41

We haven't bought a 'gift' for our DD yet and she's 4. We've put money in her bank account (she's likely to need that later on other than some more tat that she'll grow out of in a year or two).

MorelliOrRanger · 02/08/2011 08:46

Bebebelge - what utter nonsense - giving material things does not make good parents.

moomaa · 02/08/2011 08:47

I find some of the song and dance that people make about birthdays absolutely ridiculous. I can understand to an extent if you only buy your kids toys and other nice things on their birthday and Christmas but in this house I get things throughout the year as and when they will be appreciated or needed. Birthdays do get marked but with a token normally.

We did not have birthday presents off parents as we grew up and we were still well loved and I have happy memories of childhood!!!

OP YANBU.

Balsam · 02/08/2011 08:55

YANBU. DS is about to be 2 and we've never bought him a birthday or Xmas present. Mostly because of the sheer volume of stuff he gets from four sets of grandparents, aunties & uncles, our friends etc. Any present from us will be just one more to add to the pile.

Will get him stuff when he's older and understands more, of course.

Casmama · 02/08/2011 09:04

I think Bebebelge has made her perspective very clear. I am so sorry that your parents forgot your birthday - that really is horrible but I think it is colouring your view too much. Forgetting a childs birthday is entirely different from making a big fuss of them and having a party where they get lots of presents just not one from their parents.

Op, I'm pleased to see this thread as my ds is 2 in a few weeks and I am feeling bad as my husband not working means we can't afford much but have bought a few cheap clothes and will get lots of balloons and a cheap toy so feeling better about it, thank you.

tawrag · 02/08/2011 09:08

When my dd's third birthday was coming up we asked her what she would like. Her answer: a balloon. Small kids do not need birthday presents. They just need a nice time on their birthday. Giving them that is giving them a present.

Haudyerwheesht · 02/08/2011 09:14

Dd is one is september. She is getting 5 wooden animals on wheels from us. Nothing else because we have every toy known to man plenty from when ds was little and I am so so so fed up of clutter!

We are going to have a teddy bears picnic for her too (ds's suggestion) and I might do the balloon thing as she loves balloons.

There will be plenty time to buy tat presents!

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exoticfruits · 02/08/2011 09:18

People should realise that if they are insisting on the fact they must give a present to a 2 yr old, when the 2 yr old doesn't need anything, that they are doing it for themselves. Which is fine-but the 2 yr old isn't bothered now -or in the future.

twinklypearls · 02/08/2011 09:20

I don't do birthday presents as they gets much and she has a birthday party instead. I hardly think that makes me a bad mother. I suspect that BB would call social services If she saw how little we buy at Christmas.

lancashirewife · 02/08/2011 09:26

I often get things like pj's, swimming costumes or duvet covers etc.....instead of toys. At some point i'd have to buy these things anyway, but its better than unneccesary toys. Craft stuff is good as it gets used, they love it, and then it gets binned!

And always have a sort out of broken toys, baby toys, no longer played with and charity shop them first. Our kids have tons of family members so get swamped too....

Never buy them anything between xmas and b'days.

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