AIBU that i want to leave my dh as he doesnt want anymore kids

[bliss88]

i have been with my dh for 4 years now and we are very happy, we had a baby 2 years ago and he is beautiful, Dh is fantastic dad! one evening i started to talk about having more kids and he just snapped at me saying i dont want any more! i was shocked as i thought being brought up in a big family enviroment it would make him want to have a bigger family with me! i said to him that i dont think i can be with someone who doesnt want anymore kids, he then turned it round saying i was using him etc!

i feel so upset that the man i love and who i thought loved me doesnt want anymore children with me!

i really really want more children i dont want my ds brought up an only child! i was brought up in a big family too and i had such amazing times with my brothers and sisters.

i am currently on the coil but i dont want to have it all my life as i want more kids!

What do i do??

[differentnameforthis]

whosegot re the leaving her dh 'being jumped on'. That is teh question in the title of the thread.

So I can completely understand why people jumped on that! That wasn't 'one little thing' it was the whole bloody thing!

[MsPlaced]

No she wasn't. Dramatic much?

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

Yes the thread of a title when she was upset at being faced with the prospect of NEVER having another baby! Some would have said worse.

[Empusa]

"clinging to one little thing the OP said (such as when the OP said she would consider leaving her DH) "

Ah yes.. you mean the title of the thread? The main question she asked? Wonder why people pick up on something as little as that. Silly people.

[MsPlaced]

well as long as its not smack, drugs are fine.

I'm sure she was feeling upset when she said she'd consider leaving him. And I'm sure she was upset when he already left her, and when he was using drugs so muc he couldn't look after his own child....

What do you want people to say? "Never mind hunni, your lovely man will sort it all out, big hugz!" Good luck with that.

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

Yes he smokes cannabis which long term can be bad, but they guy is not on heroine! Huge difference between the two.

differentnameforthis Of course it's good to be truthful, the problem that I keep seeing on MN is posters clinging to one little thing the OP said (such as when the OP said she would consider leaving her DH) and going on and on about it. Not even stopping to think that maybe the OP just said what she was feeling while upset, for example. This isn't helpful as then they don't get any help as they just get ripped to pieces. I think a lot of posters on MN these days get off on the power trip.

[differentnameforthis]

being a young mum is hard

No, being a mum at any age is hard! You don't have the monopoly on how difficult it is, just because you are 23!

WhoseGotMyEyebrows MN gives out lots of support, but it also does what hardly any other forum (at least any that I know of) does....it gives you the harsh truth. If you want sugar coated love ins, go elsewhere. The poster here are simply telling it how it is. Being truthful, to me, is preferable than lying & just telling an OP what they want to hear.

It isn't going to happen on MN, and quite rightly too.

[MsPlaced]

occasional spliff every hour maybe.

[Al0uiseG]

"Now i need some advice my dh is addicted to drugs...our baby is now 1 and he still doesnt seem lke he wants to quit."

C&P from another of her threads.

[WhoseGotMyEyebrows]

He's a drug addict? I thought he did the occassional spliff. Hardly the same thing.

[Al0uiseG]

Night Mary Ellen, night John boy, night Grandpa and most of all good night to those "older" women. :o

[Mouseface]

I agree again with you MsPlaced

If he is a drug addict then bringing another child into the world, al la Jezza Kyle, would be the wrong decision in my book.

Maybe baby no1 wasn't planned. Who knows but bliss (wherever she is) wants to plan baby no2.

I don't think it should be just yet until her DH is clean. The health risks to the baby are not worth the risk......

But given that bliss has vanished, we can only guess how she is planning to go with this.

[MsPlaced]

Older women? You've no idea what age anyone is here, why assume we are all older women? And if you don't think age comes into it, you are as naive as the OP.

Give me a break. I don't personally give a flying shite if she has 20 children with a drug addict on/off partner, however it seems out of the two of them, he actually has more sense. And if thats somehow nasty and sneery to say so, I'm happy to be so. In the real world though, its just rather obvious common sense.

[exoticfruits]

I haven't seen her previous threads-I don't think it fair to bring them in. Her state of bereavement means that she shouldn't be making any decisions at the moment.

[springydaffs]

and you, Al0uise? Your family up to Walton level? Your previous post was foul. You input has been a disgrace, see above.

[Al0uiseG]

I don't. Do a search and read what else the happy family get up to. It's not exactly The Waltons.

[TubbyFunster]

I agree with springydaffs, Cutoff's post was spot on. Very level headed.

[springydaffs]

So many women banging on about OP's age! . imo doing everything right in the right order doesn't necessarily mean you're going to be successful. OP took her situation on the chin, went through with the pg at a difficult time, committed to the father. Mature, if you ask me. She's sensibly asked for advice from women who are old enough to know better and has been pilloried. You older women should be ashamed of yourselves for what you've put this woman through. She has shown more maturity than some of yous who think it is smart to sneer at her for her spelling and punctuation! She had asked a perfectly ordinary question and cut to the chase: basically, is it a deal breaker.

As I have already said, imo it is. You 'older women' should be ashamed of yourselves that you used her previous threads to sneer at her.

and fwiw it was a breath of fresh air to read CutOff's post, only for her to be battered half to death by Ms's spurious accusations (cod psychology) of 'projecting'. ffs, give me strength. Some of the responses on this thread have been a disgrace.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I'm nodding like the Churchill dog at exoticfruit's posts. 23 is awfully young and for some people, another child would be a nightmare, especially if things have just started to settle down now that the first DC is a little older.

A few years will not make a difference in terms of age gaps between the children but it could make a heck of a difference to the relationship between OP and her husband.

Marriage vows are serious and I hope that OP and her husband can talk through this. Making the husband take responsibility for the contraception sounds really petulant and the only way that can go is badly. In OP's position, I would concentrate on their lives together now, enjoying DS and getting agreement that they will review in a year or so. If OP makes it clear that she will not have another child without DH's agreeemnt then perhaps he will relax on the issue and trust OP not to have an 'accident'.

I really don't see this as a 'feminist' thing, not everything is about that - sometimes it's about other issues and more importantly, a young couple's marriage.

[Mouseface]

Good thanks sweets, you? Looking forward to summer!

[TubbyFunster]

I haven't read the whole thread as it all got a bit nasty, but, he was probably just a bit tired.

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

No, its my punctuation.

[MsPlaced]

its your comprehension too?

[Oblomov]

Hello Mouseface. how are you ?

[SheCutOffTheirTails]

It's not my intelligence you're overestimating.