to be horrified at my boss - wwyd?

[Moulesfrites]

put this in employment issues but it's a bot quiet over there!

Through an emailing accident, my friend and colleague (we are both currently on mat leave) has found out that our boss has referred to her in an email to another colleague as "a fucking piece of shit who stinks of baby sick". This has followed a number of issues where our boss has made things difficult wrt part time work and maternity leave, and has a real issue with maternity in her department. I have posted on here before about her bullying behaviour and the constant disparaging remarks she makes about babies/children/pregnancy etc.

I am appalled on my friends' behalf (and think my boss probably thinks of me in the same way now, though we had a great relationship before I had ds), and she has decided to let it go, as, crucially, our boss is leaving and will be gone by the time my friend returns from mat leave. Would this usually be a disciplinary matter? Would you raise it with someone higher if you were my friend? I just cant stop thinking about this and it has really changed the way I see my boss and the respect I once had for her.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

Thank goodness other people have been able to word things better than me.
I wanted to say that the sender would be expecting agreement or she wouldn't have sent it. That suggests that someone else in the organisation thinks the same way. Shocking.

[doughnutty]

Not much said on original thread but it's here

[thederkinsdame]

I might have a little "emailing accident" of my own and send it to her new employer

[larrygrylls]

I would definitely report it.

It is indirect sexual discrimination and could put your employer in a very uncomfortable position legally. It would also mean that when you both return from mat leave it will make it much much harder for them to put you in worse positions etc. And, if you want to go part time, they will find it harder to deny your request.

It sounds like your organisation takes a dim view of mat leave and could discriminate against you both. On that basis, best to strike pre-emptively.

[cumbria81]

if the boss is leaving, I'd let it lie tbh

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

But if she lets it lie cumbria the boss could do it to someone else.

[cookcleanerchaufferetc]

If you have a hard copy of the email then I would take this further. However, if it is hearsay then you dont have a leg to stand on, except dont contribute to any leaving present!

[Moulesfrites]

Yes, we are teachers. So there isn't really an hr dept as such. Were my friend to report it she would have to go to a member of smt. She does have a hard copy. The horrible thing is, we are both supposed to be going to her leaving do tonight! I have already put in £30 for her leaving pressie! But I feel I have lost all respect for her now.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

So go to SMT unless SMT was the other person. My DH has been part of the SMT and there is no way he would dismiss that email.
Alternatively, go to the board of governers or Ed Authority. It is absolutely shocking.
And don't go to her leaving do, unless she is paying for the drinks and you can have more than 30 quids worth.
Do it soon, presumably she'll be starting at a new school in September?

[Moulesfrites]

Yeah, next week is her last week.

[bullet234]

If you were particularly evil, you could take another copy of the email, put it in a box, gift wrap the box and then present it to the boss with a happy smile on her last day.
Ok, you really couldn't, being probably unprofessional. But you could THINK about it as you reported her.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

The do something fast. I would hate to think that my DD was being taught by someone like that.
I know teachers aren't saints from the number I know, however, none would every say something like that.
And do use bullets fabulous idea.

[ImperialBlether]

I wouldn't go to her leaving do, but I would make it clear why I wasn't.

What is your friend intending to do about it?

[cuteboots]

You need to take this further as its absolutely disgusting.

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

Please please please report it. As someone else has pointed out, we should all report any bullying we hear about at work anyway. It's not just about this one person, so it doesn't matter if she won't cross paths with your friend again; it's about company culture and the wider culture, not just in regards to attitudes to work and parenthood but simply as an example of unprofessional behaviour. It is not OK to refer to anyone you know professionally as a 'fucking piece of shit'.

[knittedbreast]

ring her next work place and then show them the email.

but then i am evil

[LDNmummy]

What worries me is that she has sent this email to another colleague who obviously finds this attitude acceptable enough for the boss in question to send it to them in the first place

I would seriously worry about the attitude of the recipient too and would take action not only against this boss but also investigate where the other person stands in all this.

Please report to her next work place so no one else has to go through this. She sounds vile and I don't know if I could cope with a boss like her or understand how you have in the past.

What kind of school do you work in where this is going on?

[Moulesfrites]

She swears all the time, I think she has sort of created a weird atmosphere where she, and others think it is acceptable to say this kind of thing.

As odd as it seems, she was a great boss until I had ds, and since then she has been odd. I feel so sorry for my friend as the two of them used to be very close - in fact the boss is godmother to my friend's first child!! But since she became pg with her second, she has behaved totally appallingly towards her.

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

Don't report it to her next workplace, OP, as LDNMummy suggests ? very unprofessional. It needs to go through the proper channels at the current workplace.

[Moulesfrites]

Just to contextualise this further, some of the things she has done in the past include:

She told a colleague she could not return to her position of responsibility after having children, and said she wanted to make it a dept policy that part time workers could not have extra responsibilities.

She has made things difficult for part time workers in the past, saying for example, that we would not have classes taught by more than one teacher in order to accommodate part time staff. This is inspire of the fact that there were lots of these "split" classes elsewhere in the timetable.

She has described a colleague returning from mat leave as having "nappy brain"

She has described another colleague as " just a baby machine" and therefore not given considered her for extra responsibilities.

She has complained when colleagues have taken time off to look after their sick children that she does not get time off when her cat is ill.

She has told the childless women in the department that she read an article about how having children ruins marriages and that she wanted to show it to them.

A colleague was delayed beack from a half term holiday abroad at the time of the volcanic ash cloud - this colleague was pt and she made her come in and make up the hours - which full time staff obviously couldn't do, and weren't made to do in other departments.

She makes general, throwaway comments about "all these fucking babies" and how they cause her great inconvenience.

My friend has said she might mention it to smt after she has gone.

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

If I were you I'd strongly counsel your friend to definitely take it to smt, not 'might mention it', and not to leave it until the boss has gone. This is, sorry to repeat myself but it's serious and important; it's an issue not just about the boss but about the current workplace and a culture in which this behaviour, going from your list above, seems to have been allowed to go on for quite some time. smt or whoever deals with references can decide for themselves what if anything they say to the boss's new employers, but they MUST be made aware of what has gone on and continues to go on in your department. If there is written evidence of any of this behaviour start keeping a hard-copy record of it. If people will attest to being the recipient of the behaviour and comments, write it down, with as much detail, timings etc as possible.

I know I'm banging on but there have been two cases of bullying/possibly illegal manouevres in my workplace involving two friends of mine. One of them I wasn't around for as I was on long-term leave, but the other I dearly wish I'd got involved in, or at least found out how to get appropriately involved and take the right steps.

It is difficult to do things like this; I know you/your friend may feel that it's like telling tales or rocking the boat. But you seem to have plenty of concrete examples of clearly professionally unacceptable behaviour. Please do not let this go on.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

What thelittlestkiwi said is exactly the reason why this needs to be escalated.

I don't think I would attend the leaving 'do' tonight either - and I'd probably ask for my £30 back to go to charity - or ask the money-collector to do it, don't tell them why, just say that 'leaver' will know.

The leaver must realise that she's screwed up the e-mail and sent it to you and colleague by mistake... I'd let her sweat but let her have the surprise of a disciplinary.

It's one thing to privately think what you like, its quite another to talk like this about somebody else (a colleague) behind their back... and just how deep do those feelings go within your organisation, OP?

[LDNmummy]

She sounds like an absolute nutter with some serious psychological and/ or emotional issues.

No one should have to work with a boss like that

[TheMitfordsMaid]

This is a teacher? Shockingly unprofessional. I hope she won't be teaching my children. You should definitely take this to the LA.

[Angel786]

Am I off track by suggesting this moron might not have children? She seems very bitter.

Def report it, and take the 30 quid back too!