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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To refuse to force dd into her car seat?

24 replies

bushymcbush · 17/06/2011 19:42

I'm tired and I just don't think I've got the strength.

So I'm sitting in my car in Sainsburys carpark, mumsnetting while almost 3yo dd jumps around in the back of the car. I've told her we're not going anywhere until she's in her seat. And I'm ignoring her.

It's been 10 mins.

Should I just have the battle?

OP posts:

carocaro · 17/06/2011 19:43

No just sit there and ignore her longer, no eye contact no talking, just repeat, get in you seat now please!

it's Friday and i get you are tired and want to go home, but try just a little longer!

blueeyedmonster · 17/06/2011 19:44

Yes have the battle and go home. If she's got a stubborn streak like my ds you'll be there for ages.

youmeatsix · 17/06/2011 19:44

you cant be serious?

get her into her seat
you are the parent here

dont drive with her not fastened in properly, please

carocaro · 17/06/2011 19:44

Are you using the MN App? Do you have any frozen food?

Pagwatch · 17/06/2011 19:44

This is one where it doesn't matter a flying fuck what she wants. She gets in the car seat.
Or are you going to have the fight when she wants to knife juggle?

Do nothing for ten minutes. Then tell her she is getting in the seat. Don't be angry, don't cajole. Just tell her

You have my sympathy, you really do. But this is not up for discussion

LetThereBeRock · 17/06/2011 19:45

I'd force her into it,if you can,and ignore the screams. You could be in for a long wait.

Original poster

bushymcbush · 17/06/2011 19:46

Meatsix, I wouldn't dream of driving without her in her seat, FFS

That's why we're in the carpark.

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 17/06/2011 19:46

no yanbu!

to the previous posters... she clearly hasn't said she's going to drive off with her like it!
"I've told her we're not going anywhere until she's in her seat. "

so calm down already!

GrownUpNow · 17/06/2011 19:46

I'd ignore my DD until I'd calmed down a bit, then give her one final warning and if she ignored it, she'd be put into the seat force-ably. I'd figure she was tired and playing up being out this late, so think the best thing for her wouldn't be to prolong it as she'd only get more tired. I'd put her straight to bed when we got home, she'd probably fall asleep on the journey.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 17/06/2011 19:47

YABU only because there is no way I would sit in the car park when I was desperate to be at home. Getting into the car seat is the one occasion when I'm happy to use reasonable force. Luckily it's only once in a blue moon.

Original poster

bushymcbush · 17/06/2011 19:48

Yes I'm using the mumsnet app.

OP posts:

carocaro · 17/06/2011 19:48

you ready to get her into her seat calmly but with the necessary force without of course hurting her?!

go on lady show her whoose boss!

DoMeDon · 17/06/2011 19:48

Agree with the warning then in seat. Fucked if I could be arsed to sit about in a car park

Rhiannonian · 17/06/2011 19:49

id try it for a bit then say "right ive given you long enough to do it yourself now its my way" and just do it ignore her while you ge her in her seat then give her time out or whatever you do when you get home

BumWiper · 17/06/2011 19:50

Pick up child,shove in carseat,drive home.

You will need to develop selective hearing tho.

CMOTdibbler · 17/06/2011 19:51

I had to do it at nursery once - ds was well over tired and I couldn't force him into it during a tantrum. He calmed down and got in himself in the end

Original poster

bushymcbush · 17/06/2011 19:51

YAY! She got in her seat by herself.

All strapped in and ready to go.

Thanks for keeping me sane, oh wise mumsnetters

OP posts:

carocaro · 17/06/2011 19:58

Well done you VERY LARGE GLASS of wine for you. No shouting or wrestling, she understood you meant business.

MNHQ - you need a new TOPIC something like

LIVE APP HELP - for when we need second by second assistance

greenbananas · 17/06/2011 20:03

ah - well done bushy!! Glad she got there on her own. Your DD has now taken another step towards learning that it is not worth arguing about car seats because mummy does not relent

pfbornot · 17/06/2011 20:12

I think actually YABU because (I know you wouldn't drive with her not in the seat) car seats are an area where there is no room for any sort of negotiation. Mine are 5 and 3 and any time they have ever refused/protested I have physically forced them into their carseats immediately. They don't refuse now, they are well aware that anything I say re the carseats, goes, immediately. I think you have to pick your battles and personally I picked carseats as one of mine.

greenbananas · 17/06/2011 20:22

pfbornot, you're right, there is no absolutely room for negotiation with car seats, but I do admire mums who let their DCs choose to comply (although I realise this is not always possible, especially if you are in a hurry).

When I was a youth worker (with young people with 'issues'), I once spent the best part of an hour waiting in a locked minibus with 6 rowdy teenagers because they refused to put on their seatbelts and the driver refused to start the engine until they were belted up. They thought he would give in eventually, but he didn't. It was tedious (!) but I think that driver made the right decision and his calm attitide was wonderful.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 17/06/2011 21:07

I think bushy was absolutely reasonable and did the right thing. Her dd did what she was told, and has had a clear lesson that she won't be going anywhere in the car unless she's strapped into her seat. Well done bushy.

LittleMissFlustered · 17/06/2011 21:14

My kids assume that a car will not start uless the entire universe is buckled in appropriately. I have never told them this, it's just second nature.

Good call on making it a calm win for you, she'll perhaps remember next time she feels grumpy:)

UrsulaBuffay · 17/06/2011 21:15

Bribe, bribe & bribe again, my kid will have no teeth at age 5 but she will get in the seat & eat choc choc

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