to think that going back onto anti-depressants could be a positive thing.

[SunshineisSorry]

My anxiety is crippling me, ive been off medication for about six months, following about three years on citalopram.

Life is stressful, but its not as bad as it is for some - my anxiety is preventing me from dealing with it, its preventing me from dealing with anything. Its like i am in a constant state for "flight or fright" even when there isn't a problem right now.

Sometimes i just sit here and do nothing and hours will have passed. Im not depressed, just anxious.

The thing is, i dont want to be zombiefied again, i didnt think i was, but dp says i was - but now he is telling me to go back to the doctors again.

To be honest, the anxiety is sucking all the joy out of my life. I have problems yes, but doesn't everyone but i just elevate them to catastrophe and now sit and fret in case anything happens :(

My daughter deserves a functioning mother but i am not sure that medication is going to work for me. Ive just started doing some volunteer work in my old job, its good to get out of the house, but then i fret because im not earning any money but i am trying to keep going with this because i want to make myself more employable.

[PhishFoodAddiction]

Just wanted to echo that you're not a failure for going back to the doctor and perhaps going back onto medication. You need whatever keeps you functioning.

I'm on citalopram, and I take it before bed, so it doesn't give me that zombified feeling. I'm only on a fairly low dose, but I have to take it all the time to keep me on an even keel. I have depression but also anxiety/ panic attacks etc. These are much better on the citalopram.

I hope that you can access the right help, and that you'll start feeling a bit brighter too.

[Wottywot]

Hi OP,
I have been on fluroxetine for the past couple of years and this is my second pregnancy whilst taking it. It has done me the world of good. I don't feel strange or unreal, I just feel completely normal now and I am just thankful it has changed my life to be what it should. It just keeps my head above water. Its strange that you feel you felt zombified. Maybe I did a bit at the beginning but I really remember that. Maybe some are better than others. I find depression zombifies you alot more - sitting in a room all day feeling terrible would be worse.
Why don't you ask your Dr to try another one, as you know it takes a few weeks to kick in and settle down so try and stick it out and see what happens.

[ada07]

OK. I was only being kind. I'm tired and off to bed now.

[Punkatheart]

Good advice given already. I hope that things change for the better. Anxiety comes often from sensitive people, who feel the world a little more acutely.

Sounds as if things are awfully hard for you but here's hoping that your name is indicative of sunshine to come.

[Jellykat]

Don't know if this is any help, but on a recent handout i was given on my Womens Aid programme, there's a helpline number for 'Anxiety UK' - 08444 775 774 or 0161 227 9898.
They are a registered charity of 30 years, and may have advice on what to do next. (just googled them and they look good)

The online CBT programme recommended is called Fear Fighters, looks like you have to be given a password by your GP.

Good Luck Sunshine.

[SunshineisSorry]

ada, im not looking for sympathy really, just helps to "talk" about it. I feel so angry with myself, we have lots of stressful stuff going on at the moment but its nothing new and i should be able to cope with it. Just can't cope with anything very much - i wake up feeling like ive just stepped on a roller coaster, or that horrible gut feeling you have if you thought there was a burglar in the house, or waiting to do an exam and it doesn't go away, ever :(

[ada07]

I don't feel that I've sounded or seemed very sympathetic, sunshine. Not my intention. Sorry.

I think that anxiety symptoms do feel really quite physical because they are tied into our response to danger which is a very biological primitive area of experience IYKWIM.

A good friend of mine who is on long term antidepressant treatment tells me that she has a 'citalopram-deficiency'. I know what she means as she has relapsed so many times on stopping her meds and this pattern was also the same before she started taking A/Ds. She says it's like taking thyroxine for her underactive thyroid.

I do hope that you get some real help from yr GP. And don't forget to ask him/her about the online CBT. I found it very helpful.

[SunshineisSorry]

i don't think its withdrawal symptoms, but i can't help but wonder if my brain biochemistry is off kilter as a result of being on the meds for so long. I know how SSRIs work, and can see where there would be long term effects, even though they are not reported. Thats the thing, it feels physical - but maybe ive just been in a bad way for so long, thats how its got me. Its bloody sodding pants but im going to beat it

[ada07]

Nooooooooo strawberry withdrawal symptoms occur within days/weeks not months like for the OP. If you don't believe me check out what I'm saying on the national institute of mental health website [NIMH]

[strawberry17]

No I don't think so I was confused by this issue for years ada, it's very easy to mistake withdrawal for relapse and it is a head fuck.
I too am so sorry your dp is being so unsupportive, just what you need right now

[ada07]

strawberry the timescale is too long for a citalopram withdrawal effect. The timescale is more like a relapse.

[AnyFucker]

sorry to hear your P is being a bit of a twat, SIS

[strawberry17]

As you were on Citlopram (?) 3 years and came off 6 months ago it's possible you came off the meds way too fast and are suffering withdrawals. This happened to me many times over the years and it happens to many other people and GP's generally don't understand how to withdraw people off antidepressants properly. How fast and how did you come off them? I think probably best thing to do is go back to doctors and go back on medication and stabilize yourself, and then consider coming off extremely slowly (blog about this very subject in my profile). I too suffered the 24/7 adrenaline pumping fight or flight feeling and it was because I'd come off Lustral too fast.

[SunshineisSorry]

not anymore, not really

[JamieAgain]

So sorry Sunshine. He sounds ill-equipped to deal with it. Probably scared, but that's not an excuse. Is this a generally good relationship?

[SunshineisSorry]

I just wish my DP would be more understanding, i told him about the train thing, it wasn't so much that i felt suicidal but scared that something would take over me and i would just not be able to stop myself - his response - do it then trying to do harsh love probably, hes had enough. He is being very cold with me now i have told him im going back to the doctors, i think its because he thinks it will be like it was when i had PND. I am trying to avoid that, that is why im going back to the doctors. The cuddles I need are thin on the ground so i guess i have to get my comfort out of a packet

[ada07]

The NHS are trialling an online CBT programme - ask your GP for the details??

[SunshineisSorry]

ah right - i did ask about cbt but that is not available around here, cant afford private.

[JamieAgain]

Sunshine - you asked about CT - I think Rannaldini is referring to a Cognitive Therapist. Different professionals can be trained in CBT (Cognitive Behavioural therapy) - counsellors, nurse counsellors or Clinical Psychologists. Depends on your GP surgery they might have therapists of one sort or another in the surgery itself, or, or they might refer on to the local Community Mental health team or Clinical Psychology Dept. Or there are private practitioners.

[ada07]

I'd like to second what Rannaldini says about seeking help from your GP.

My 'internet opinion' is that this isn't a withdrawal effect from taking citalopram and you shouldn't blame the meds. The timescale is wrong.

[YellowDinosaur]

I will second the go back to your GP advice.

My dh suffers with depression and came off meds about a year ago as he felt they weren't really helping and he too felt zombified (and they were about the third type he had tried).

It took coming off them to see how much they actually were helping him and now he is much much better.

Of course your situation may be different and what works for one won't necessarily work for another but going and seeing your GP will do no harm. I reiterate that you will NOT be at risk of losing your dd for asking for help. 1 in 10 people sufferfrom depression at some time and they don't all have their children taken away - the country would grind to a halt if they did. It is always in the interests of social services to keep children with loving families where possible and this is clearly in the best interests of your dd. Asking for help is a vcery difficult but also positive thing to do.

Good luck x

[SunshineisSorry]

what is a CT?

[hiddenhome]

I dealt with the zombification effects of Citalopram by taking it last thing at night.

There are also other SSRIs that you can try that don't have this effect.

[JamieAgain]

Sunshine. It's a real shame your DP said that. He's right in telling you to go back to the GP, as you mentioned in your OP, but there is no point not telling the GP the truth.
Do what Rannaldini says and tell the GP how bad you have been feeling. This is not about getting carted off and losing your DD, it's about getting the help you need right now. In the meantime, call the Samaritans if you are feeing desperate.