to not want young children at my baby shower?

[stella1w]

I reckon this is my last change in a long time to have a quiet chat with some friends over tea and cakes and focus on ME..
This is no. 2 so I do plenty of playdates with 3yolds and what happens is they run rampant and make a big mess. I am heavily pg and just want a lowkey event.
Andif I am NOT being unreasonable how can I suggest to people they don't bring their children!

[stella1w]

Not organising it myself, but really, really want to have a couple of kid-free hours
Agree it's odd to have a shower for the second, but it's more about getting together with my childfree friends for a chat over tea and cakes before all hell breaks loose with newborn. I am not into having people drop over in the early days of looking after a baby..
Agree that not inviting kids is a tricky one.. I don't like it when people have kid-free weddings.. but honestly.. I see my friends with kids all the time and we all focus on the kids and what they want to do and like I said, I really really want to have some quiet time with the other friends I hardly ever see because their idea of fun is not sitting round a sandpit!
A shower because I used to live in America and I think it's an idea worth importing..

[GloriaSmut]

What worralliberty said.

Sake!

[GeorginaI]

I agree with stillstanding. Not sure what is so unreasonable about wanting some precious child-free time before the birth of a second child? Quite surprised by how everyone is so up in arms about friends giving presents too. Among my circle of friends we always club together and get a couple of items for the mum-to-be and just enjoy an afternoon or evening together (although we don't generally give presents at this point for a second or subsequent child). Plus I'm presuming the OP hasn't put together a baby list, which would be more grabby...

[stillstanding]

I think - that in places where these things are normal - showers do happen for non-firstborns, harrietthespook, but more toned down.

I think baby showers are lovely. I know that they are not "normal" in the UK but that is just convention here. An impending arrival is just a good excuse for a celebration as a birthday or engagement or whatever. If you have a birthday party are you being "grabby"? Not necessarily. Nothing wrong with wanting to celebrate something with friends. Lots of different ways to do it - some of which would be tacky imo (the idea of games and baskets full of those socks etc is very boak to me) but that is true of birthday parties, hen parties etc etc. And wanting it to be child-free is just as ok as for all those other parties ... it doesn't mean you don't love children or aren't ecstatic about the one arriving - you just want some child-free time before you are swamped with a newborn. Perfectly rational and reasonable.

[harrietthespook]

Is it really normal, even in Oz, to do that for a second baby, though? Just asking.

[shinydiscoball]

OP where abouts in the world are you? I ask as an Australian friend recently organised her own baby shower (in a community hall with balloons, bunting, caterers, the lot) which I was quite at, she assured me that, in their town at least, its absolutely the norm and not grabby, people expect it.

I wouldn't arrange my own as personally I do think that it's tacky to, but have held them for others before, all have had children present and all have been lovely celebrations.

If you want tea, cake and a child-free natter with friends, then ask them round for tea and cake amd specify no kids, just don't call it a baby shower and expect gifts!

[rainbowinthesky]

It's pretty ironic to want to celebrate a child butnot want to have any children there while you do it.

[stillstanding]

YANBU to want to childfree events - I love the occasional child-free event myself and if it's your party you get to decide. But do be prepared for quite a few of your friends not being able to come.

I have one group of friends who have fulltime nannies/manage to arrange childcare at the drop of a hat and they are often organising child-free things. Fair play to them - am more jealous than anything else but must admit it is quite wearing having to say no constantly and being copied in on all the "great boozy lunch, girls, let's do it all again soon" emails!

Also if you have good friends who would really like to be there but who now won't be able to because of the child-free angle, that might be quite hard too ...

[NinkyNonker]

God, when I was pregnant I couldn't think of anything worse than a 'baby shower'. I HATE being the centre of attention in such a fashion.

[harrietthespook]

Please don't organise any event called 'baby shower' for yourself. Please. This is coming from a Yank who has thumbed her nose at British disdain for them and hosted several in the UK for Brits. Unless you don't care if people think you're bonkers and grabby.

[fatlazymummy]

Well said worraliberty.

[rainbowinthesky]

Seeker, I was referring to the OP's post about the "menfolk babysitting". I know you'd never say such a thing.

[worraliberty]

God if someone asked me to go to their 'baby shower' (in other words buy me presents because I'm pregnant) and said you can't bring your kids because I want the focus to be on 'ME' I think I'd genuinely tell them to grow up and get over themselves.

Whatever happened to women simply getting pregnant and getting on with it? Extending your family is a natural thing but expecting a pat on the back and a 'shower' because of it??

[pigletmania]

If you meant a baby shower whereby people bring gifts and play silly games, sounds a tad grabby tbh a kitchen tea sounds much better. As you will learn soon enough childcare is not always easy to find and cheap so you should make allowances if people can't come or they have to bring their kids

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

The OP must have collapsed under the weight of all the presents as she hasn't been back :o

[pigletmania]

Meant yabvu

[pigletmania]

Meant yanbu gah stupid predictive text

[pigletmania]

Yanbu to have a babyshower for your 2nd child. The whole point of them is for first time mums to receive all that they would need for a baby, you already have most things I expect. Wh not arrange to meet your friends for a meal or tea/coffee and cakes at yours instead

[BugsnBites]

I think YABU to have a babyshower for 2nd baby - as expat said, fine for Baby #1, not subsequently. And always, always arranged by someone else, not the mum-to-be herself.

But child-free time down the pub with your friends is obviously your right as a human being. Just arrange the time/venue so that's it's obviously not a children's event. And don't call it a baby shower.

[porcamiseria]

its a tough one, I work FT and my kids are with me at weekends, I'd be a bit gutted to get a baby-free invite and most likely would not attend

[seeker]

I just want to make it clear that I didn;t say anything about fathers babysitting. I suggested that the fathers take all the children to the park.

Fathers "babysitting" is one of my particular bugbears!

[expatinscotland]

Baby showers are an American import. They are supposed to be given to the mum-to-be by someone else. For a first baby. They are not held in the evening. They're held in the afternoon.

So, YABU. And tacky and grabby.

[otchayaniye]

'so the menfolk can baby sit'

Have I wandered inadvertantly into the 1950s?

[hairfullofsnakes]

I agree that baby showers are a little tacky, it's the expectation of presents. I also agree that evening is a really good idea, and calling it anything but baby shower!

[Loshad]

totally with moondog on this