To think picking a 4yr old child up by their arm and throwing them on a sofa

[devonsmummy]

is totally unreasonable - followed by 4 mansize smacks to the bottom?

[Blatherskite]

I was beaten as a child. My Mother never protected me, she just let him do it. Our relationship has never recovered. We are not close.

There is no excuse for behaviour like that - PROTECT YOUR CHILD

Even if he was abused himself, that is no excuse. I was abused physically and mentally, I do not hit or bully my children and would leave DH if he ever did (although he never would, he's the most gentle man I've ever known) History does not have to repeat itself.

[GypsyMoth]

op...i wish you'd come back and talk to us.....sorry,in did a quick search of your posts as i vaguely remember you from before. you have had previous trouble with this man.....you have wanted to leave......come back to talk to us

[therealmrsbeckham]

You really need to ask? Of course it's bloody unreasonable!

Please don't try and find excuses for your H's violent behaviour there aren't any.

As other's have said, you have a responsibility to protect your child. Do you really want your DS growing up thinking that this kind of behaviour is normal?

If my DP ever raise a hand to our DC he would be kicked out of the house there and then and would not be allowed back in.

I am so an for your DS. FFS deal with this now before any more damage is done

[Yukana]

I'll say this, smacking will cause your child to fear you, which discipline out of fear does nothing but cause a broken relationship and bad memories.

I was smacked regularly as a child, I used to tantrum and throw things occasionally. I did this though because I wanted attention from my mother, I wanted love and my mother just didn't have the time.

Do NOT let your husband smack your child, ever. He probably has no idea of the long-term effects it can have on them.

[ScarlettWalking]

My god he retched afterwards :(

Do you realise what could have happened if he had gone into shock? This is very, very serious. Your h is a sick man actually, to attack a defenceless child so severely and not feel any remorse.

[ScroobiousPip]

Not acceptable. What would you do if your 'D'H hit you four times and threw you on the sofa?

The fact that your DS is a child makes it worse, not better. You have a responsibility to protect your child from harm - you need to think very hard and carefully about how you do that.

[TheCrackFox]

I wouldn't ever feel the same way about my DH if he ever did that to one of our boys. It would kill all the love and respect.

[blackeyedsusan]

you have to put a stop to that behaviour. whether he goes or you go or you get ss in to read the riot act to him...

you need some support for you. you need to listen to what people have said on here about it not being acceptable and you need to get support so you can do something.

Unfortunately the responsibility lies with you to protect your children. not an easy responsibility to hold.

[Alouiseg]

If he had done this to a grown man the police would have been called and he would have been charged with assault.

I suggest you make a phone call because your son has no one else to defend him.

My blood is boiling.

[MollieO]

And you stay with your 'd'h because???

At what point does this level of violence stop being acceptable to you? By allowing your dh to behave in this way towards your ds you are complicit as if you had hit him yourself. If your dh won't get help for his anger then you need to do what is required to protect your child and get your dh to move out.

[vinestein]

I was beaten by my mother at your son's age. She would throw me down the stairs from the age of 2 or 3 (I have a scar onmy forehead) she would beat me with objects, she woulds smack me and shout at me. I never did anything wrong- this was all about her issues.
I didn't 'get over it' it was serious abuse, it got worse when my stepfather started abusing me and being violent and culminated in me becoming very suicidal and depressed, and having extremely severe anorexia nervosa from the age of 8 until 18.

It's only now that I am nowhere near my abusers that I feel somehow 'over it' but still the pattern of being abused has now followed me and I have absolutely no self esteem, so my career is all over the place, I ended up with a DP who beat me

You must protect your son from this, it will affect him profoundly. Your role is to protect him and keep him safe.

[ilythia]

It makes no difference whether your H was an abused child. I am an abused child and would have walked out of the door had he done that to either of ours.
My DH thinks that a small smack is not harmful but I disagree, so we don't smack. He can control his temper enough to go out of the hosue/ to the garage if he is losing it with one of the children and so can I.
You need to speak to him asap. Sorry you are having to deal with this.

[ChippingInMistressSteamMop]

You had already dealt with it - he was on the back door mat. End of.

I'm not completely anti smacking, if you had said, if you don't stop that whining now I'm going to smack your bottom... I'd have been OK with that, so long as it was a smack and not a man size whack. I know it's very 'Not MN'.

He didn't he lifted him by one arm, threw him on the couch and gave him 4 man sized whacks... that it NOT a smack. One of those would be over the top on a 4 year old - but 4.

He would not have been under the same roof as my child/children last night and never again unless he faced up to what he had done and gave his word he'd never do it again... and if he did, he'd be one very sorry bastard.

[ZillionChocolate]

Sounds like the right level of force*



*if you'd like you child to go into foster care.

[PurpleRayne]

Your child is being abused. What are you going to do about it?

[Marjoriew]

Only a matter of time before he sticks on one you. Because you don't put a stop to it, he will carry on until he loses it with you too.

[spidookly]

It is not the role of a 4 year old child to have to "get over" manhandling and beating by his father.

[Boozilla]

My H and I have slightly differing opinions on smacking. I'm not totally against it in certain circumstances but if my H did that to our DS I would have launched myself at him I think.

I would most certainly be thinking about getting me and the kids out of there and I appreciate how hard that would be. He needs some help managing his temper. Seems like he's lashing out because HE has lost control and it makes him feel better. That's a dangerous set up.

Hope you get it sorted OP, I feel for you.

[Melly19MummyToBe]

"next time your dh whines about something, pick up a baseball bat and beat him - it is in his best interest after all."

What DuplicitousBitch said. I totally agree with that.

[squeakytoy]

Also meant to say, if he considers a bit of whining to be worthy of smacking so hard, then what would he do to punish really naughty behaviour :(

[MigratingCoconuts]

I think you need to think very carefully about where this is going. try looking at the womansaid website for info. about DV.

I would be thinking of ways to discuss this calmly with DH. Has he admitted over reacting? I'd be worried if he hasn't.

[squeakytoy]

I am one of the few to say I do agree with smacking in certain circumstances, but even I would say this sounds far too heavy handed and over the top.

Four years olds DO whine, so you send them to their room...

[sevendwarves]

Sorry 'D'H

[sevendwarves]

"I'm sure your ds will get over it."

Fancy looking at the bigger picture here? I'm sure he will get over it once or twice but it's hardly going to be once or twice if her DH thinks it's acceptable behaviour is it?