To think picking a 4yr old child up by their arm and throwing them on a sofa

[devonsmummy]

is totally unreasonable - followed by 4 mansize smacks to the bottom?

[theoldbrigade]

Let's take a deep breath people - very easy to say this is abusive - as we all do of course . The very fact Devonsmummy has extended a hand for help in even such a small way as this site should be applauded I feel.

A little humanity would not go amiss.

[loveabitofcake]

my dh would be out the door if he did this to our dd,i wouldn,t let him hit me so why would i allow him to abuse our child,its your place to protect your child,sort it out

[ChippingInMistressSteamMop]

I think she's worn down by this man and he has her convinced HE is always right and SHE is always wrong, to the point where she doesn't know which was is up :(

However, DevonsMummy, you have been told quite clearly which was is up... now you need to take some action. Please, if not for your own sake, for that of your DS :(

[Mobly]

Devonsmummy, you know it's beyond unreasonable, it's abusive. Are you starting this thread to show your H? Your posts are very unemotional and matter of fact and I'm wondering what your motivations are exactly.

[nulliusxinxverbax]

Ok, Ill answer this from a different angle.

If you let this go, it will get worse, it always does.
If DH is not hitting you, actually, that will just fuck your child up even more, because he will think "why does daddy only hit me? he hates me"

And when your son grows up, it will be YOU he hates. Because you didnt protect him, you let it happen.
He will see you as the weak one who was too selfish to leave.
I am speaking from experience (oh and by the way....my dad did what you are describing, exactly to me, aged 3. By 4, he strangled me untill I stopped breathing. You think about that.)

[dontcallmepeanut]

0808 2000 247 - Women's Aid. I suggest you phone it ASAP...

Anyone ever laid a finger on my son iin that manner, and they'd be enjoying a nice trip to the police station about now.

[ensure]

I think your DP needs anger management classes. And / or you should leave, to be honest.

[exoticfruits]

It is abuse and you should get help. Adults need to control their temper.

[theoldbrigade]

Is this a rhetorical question ? !
Of course this is abuse and in your heart you know this situation cannot continue.
Seek help - now !

[GypsyMoth]

mummy2bookie.......you are over reacting!! she needs support not to be told to get off MN!!!!

[GloriaSmut]

Please don't let your little boy be abused like this. I know that 4 year olds can be a pain but it would have been quite enough to say, cheerfully "No, you know you can't play that game so lets go and find something else to do, shall we?" - that way you distract the child and avoid 5 minutes of whining.

I detest smacking for the simple reason that it can easily leave children thinking that physical violence is a valid solution but I wouldn't condemn anyone who has smacked very sparingly and while in complete control. This was a beating and there's never an excuse for the sort of domestic violence that the OP describes.

[Mummy2Bookie]

If youre concerned about your lo stop complaining bout it on mn and get out of the house before ss take him into foster care.

[KnickersOnOnesHead]

There is a huge difference in a smacked bum and what he as done to your child!

You need to get out of the with your dc now!!!

[LDNmummy]

Woah just read OP's last two posts

WTF! I would knock him the hell out if it were my child!

You were already punishing him and he thinks this is what your child needs?

He sounds like an abuser to me.

[LDNmummy]

I think it is the combination that irks me, the throwing then smacking. I have no issue with smacking bottoms as long as it is done on the rarest of ocassions and only on bottoms or leg areas. The throwing bit seems unreasonable to me, especially followed by smacks. I would be and to see that.

If the throwing had been done in jest, children generally can take it, I think it is more the fact that the person is doing it out of anger that is horrible for the child.

I would talk to your husband ASAP and see what response you get, that will tell you if you need to take further action.

Smacking is ok if done very sparingly and not like this with the throwing. I would be furious with my DP if he ever did that and we were both smacked very regularly as children (he wouldn't though). I find it a little alarming TBH and he would have more than four smacks to worry about from me.

[Blatherskite]

It's OK Alouise, it's over now - and it will never be repeated.

[Choufleur]

If my DH did something like that to DS (which I'm certain he never would) he would be given a very clear ultimatum: ever do anything vaguely like it again i would pack his bags and make him leave.

I completely agree that whining children can severely test your patience but you should never resort to violence or being aggressive back. Walk out of the room and take 5, 10, 15 mins to calm down if you need to.

[onehotmomma]

No OP that is not in any way acceptable. Yes a whinging child does grate but smacking child 4 times and throwing him on the sofa was way over board and I couldn't stay with someone like and neither should you :( poor ds

[BooBooGlass]

That poor boy. By stayign with this 'man' you are showing your ds that you think it's ok. Do you really want your ds to be living in a house where he's afraid he'll be the victim of physical aggression? I don't care that he's never hit you. He's hitting a 4 year old. Absolute wanker.

[MillsAndDoom]

I'm shocked that you even have to ask if that behaviour is appropriate. Of course it is not.

[Alouiseg]

Blathers :( that's so sad.

[therealmrsbeckham]

Oh blimey so this isn't the 1st time this man has behaved unacceptably.

devonsmummy please come back and talk. There are lots of people who can support you and offer you practical avice so that you can make a happier life for you and your DS - and you both deserve to be happy.