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AIBU?

to wonder how the f^ck we ever managed without

42 replies

einstein1 · 14/04/2011 21:57

therapy?

OP posts:

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GotArt · 15/04/2011 22:21

sausage I got what you meant in your initial post.

All I can say is that my family, mom, sisters and mom's side, would make for very good dysfunctional family viewing on Dr. Phil... which is why I don't speak to the lot of them. Life has been grand without these people in my life... except my youngest sister, she's on my side. Its true, family is the root of most peoples problems.

Birdsgottafly · 15/04/2011 08:51

Sausages-I agree with you, i wasn't directing all of my post at you. The thing is most counselling regards the 'client' as the expert in themselves, so you are right about doing what you think is best for yourself.

sausagesandmarmelade · 15/04/2011 08:37

I think that some people just need caring and looking after - but don't have that.

There shouldn't be a stigma for those seeking help...I wasn't trying to imply that there was.

People are individuals...and what works for one might not work for another.

I think it can be good (for some) to put things into that box....
It's not always the best thing to delve into things and bring them to the fore. I think that can actually be quite dangerous and damaging...but then I am no expert!

I accept that there is a need for counselling/therapists...GOOD ones and am glad that there is more in the way of regulation now.

Birdsgottafly · 15/04/2011 08:30

Sausages-It a tough one because in some cases it isn't therapy that is needed. CBT and as you say breathing exercises can work on temporary panic attacks.

But then its not uncommon for someone to think that they have 'put their hurt into a box' and for it to come out again. For some women this happens after giving birth especially incases where they have suffered at the hands of their mother.

It would be nice if the stigma was removed from seeking help, because a person is struggling. Those with any form of mental distress are such an easy target, i don't see why others cannot refrain from saying anything negitive about them seeking help.

The form counselling described by the OP of 'sitting and nodding' is not one that is accredited by the British Society of Counselling Psychotherapy any longer. there is always interaction. But i will always agree that regulation of therapies has been a long time coming and still does not go far enough.

sausagesandmarmelade · 15/04/2011 08:17

Rusty - it was an NHS check up. The hygienist appointment I had recently was £50...a private one because they don't do NHS ones at my dentist.

Fortunately I have a tesco dental insurance scheme which means I can claim back for NHS treatment....sadly not the costly scrape and polish!

sausagesandmarmelade · 15/04/2011 08:16

Birds - thanks for that.
I went for a counselling session once or twice...I expected great things...but the counsellor did just as I described. I've been through panic attacks when my DD was very young and I found it v hard to cope at the time...and I got through those by using strategies that I had heard about (breathing techniques etc) and with a lot of support from my family (I was very lucky to have that support). I am not a stranger to abuse...but found my own way of dealing with that and somehow managed to put past hurts into a 'little box' in my mind and leave it there, making a conscious decision to not let those things scar the rest of my adult life. They haven't.
I in turn have supported others....

I do know of those who have benefited from really good counselling sessions (someone in my own family actually) but...as I said...I don't think ALL counsellors are good.
That particular one...had been through a lot of the things she was counselling about. She used her own experiences to positively help others...as she could truly empathise. She was brilliant!

I'm quite a private person actually....but without having elaborated I can see that some have read my earlier comments as flippant...and based on ignorance.

I don't feel people should have to divulge intimate details on here...but without doing so people will assume that we are making flippant comments....if you get my meaning!

belle7 · 15/04/2011 08:11

i myself have had counselling and have found it very useful. it doesnt give you the answers it empowers you to find your own answers .
I dont think i would of come through a perticuliar tough period in my life as well as i have and been able to talk about it.
I think theropy is fab and would defo recommend it .
( ps im new to this site so please dont shout me down lol)

RustyBear · 15/04/2011 08:10

Sausages -can I have the name of your dentist who only charges £16.50?

Birdsgottafly · 15/04/2011 08:05

Also most people do not understand the whole nature of counselling and different therapies such as cognitive behavioural therapy. Before i qualified in counselling (which i only did because i had a free day a week and wanted something to do), i thought it was just listening to someone self indulgently, waffle on. I was really surprised by what counselling is all about and what it achieves.

Birdsgottafly · 15/04/2011 08:00

Sausages- you are right that there is not enough regulation for therapists so the quality cannot be guaranteed. However using 'common sense' does not solve emotional problems. It is often the families that have done the damage. At one time child protection was non exsistent, the idea of completly breaking off from our parents was frowned upon, so your statement could be found offensive by some. It does not recognise why people need therapy.

Birdsgottafly · 15/04/2011 07:55

OP-In what century? People were too engrossed in trying to survive. Life expectancy was shorter, 'quality of relationships' didn't exsist. Why would couples/families need counselling? If a wife or children didn't do as they were told, they were beaten. Certainly many people definatly needed therapy otherwise the amount of cruelty would not have exsisted, just look at the workhouse system in the uk towards children, those running them could not have been altogher sane. Mentally ill people were locked away, put to death, tortured etc. I could give you countless examples.

As other posters have said religion and the ability to talk to the 'elders' has always been around, which is a form of therapy. But living in fear of the consequences of not behaving in a certain way is very different from being menatally healthy.

Read basic phsychology books its all explained in there.

sausagesandmarmelade · 15/04/2011 07:55

The question was AIBU to wonder how we ever managed WITHOUT therapists!

That was...BEFORE they existed (I assumed).

So what was wrong with my comment...

We used basic common sense....and listened to our family and friends.

I also said...

I'm sure there are some specialist therapists that do a good job...but often people pay thru the nose to have someone sit on a chair, nod their heads occasionally and offer very little in the way of advice!

Nothing wrong with that either...there are some that do a good job...but I think there are many that don't. So I'm not understanding why some are SO OFFENDED by what I've said...

Is there a correct line to take with these questions?

and why does my response warrant a 'sock puppet' accusation?
Unbelievable...

thumbwitch · 15/04/2011 07:45

People who have no recognition of the need for therapy, whether they need it themselves or not, continue to stigmatise those who do need it. Which means that a sizeable proportion of those who do need it won't seek it because they're afraid of being laughed at, told to "just use common sense" (FFS), or told they're "mental".

People with that attitude (yes, OP, that means you, and you S&M) are utterly unhelpful to people with issues that they cannot resolve themselves - and as for family and friends - HA! They're often the root cause of the problem!

flimflammery · 15/04/2011 07:38

And [bitter laugh] at the idea of 'listening to my family' instead of going to see a therapist.

sausagesandmarmelade · 15/04/2011 07:29

Why the name change thumb?

Are you saying I'm a sock puppet?

Alouiseg · 15/04/2011 07:27

Yes good question op, my gp smirked after he had suggested "counselling" and I said "no thanks, just the drugs please".

thumbwitch · 15/04/2011 07:21

sockpuppetandmarmalade - would you like some lichen therapy too? or perhaps a ? I suspect you're one of those really helpful people who thinks others only have to "pull themselves together" to get over their troubles, hmm? Good to know you're talking from a stance of great lack of knowledge there too.

KingofHighVis · 15/04/2011 07:13

I've never had therapy and therefore cannot provide useful comment.

sausagesandmarmelade · 15/04/2011 07:08

16.50 for a check up isn't exorbitant...and if you don't need treatment, that's it...you're done for 6 months.

Therapy on the other hand IS very expensive and (from what I gather) you're often given a session of visits (could be wrong here) and may or may not get very much from those visits.

laptopwieldingharpy · 15/04/2011 07:02

Religion or drugs

flimflammery · 15/04/2011 07:00

I'm sure there are some specialist dentists that do a good job... but often people pay thru [sic] the nose to have someone sit by a chair, look at their teeth and offer very little in the way of fillings.

flimflammery · 15/04/2011 06:58

I know, let's derail this completely and make it 'Complete the following sentence: AIBU to wonder how the fck we managed without...'

My submission is

(to wonder how the fck we managed without) dentistry

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sausagesandmarmelade · 15/04/2011 06:47

We used basic common sense....and listened to our family and friends.

I'm sure there are some specialist therapists that do a good job...but often people pay thru the nose to have someone sit on a chair, nod their heads occasionally and offer very little in the way of advice!

CheerfulYank · 15/04/2011 06:18

Therapy = fabulous if needed.

Americans = fabulous in any case. :o

Einstein darling, would you like a ?

GotArt · 15/04/2011 06:16

I guess you don't watch Dr. Phil.

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