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AIBU?

AIBU re work colleague and her sick "child"

46 replies

CaveMum · 14/03/2011 20:30

Right, I've been on Mumsnet for a year or so now and finally feel brave enough for AIBU

On Friday one of my work colleagues announced that she would be leaving the office at lunchtime and not returning for the afternoon as her daughter was at home ill. Now before you jump on me I have to point out that said daughter is NINETEEN YEARS OLD and has a full-time job! She was not at deaths door (she had a bad cold) and does not have any underlying health issues.

Our boss did not have a problem with her leaving as she is normally very good about making up time (she works part-time) and to be fair he is very flexible with all of us if we need to pop out for appointments, etc.

I guess my real issue is AIBU to think it is weird that a parent would take time off work to look after their adult child?

Thoughts?

[dons flame retardant jacket]

OP posts:

Report

hardhatdonned · 14/03/2011 20:51

YABU as someone with a CFS type condition a 'cold' can knock me for 6 and i end up off work for a week or more, and i am ashamed to say i have relied on my mums help with my dc which includes her having to take half day's flexi time.

At 19 I was living on my own quite happily and without kids so didn't need mum to run round after me. But if she has an underlying health issue don't be too harsh a critic.

If she's just a lazy moping whinge bag, well, lay into her.

melpomene · 14/03/2011 20:52

I agree that a 19 year old should be able to cope with a cold, if that is all it is. But on the other hand, if it's generally a flexible work place and the woman can make up the hours easily, and if the nature of the work is such that she's not inconveniencing colleagues/clients by leaving early, then it's not really a big deal.

sherbetpips · 14/03/2011 20:52

I am guessing that her daughter needs her for some reason and she dies not wish to share that info with work. Let's hope it's nothing serious.

zukiecat · 14/03/2011 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eaglewings · 14/03/2011 20:56

I was the other side of the world from my parents when I was 18 - backpacking. Not sure Mum would have taken time of work even if I was closer

CaveMum · 14/03/2011 20:57

Fair enough, it is useful to hear other points of view

OP posts:

TheSmallClanger · 14/03/2011 21:18

I suspect the "cold" was a cover for something more serious or personal, that may have happened very quickly, hence the crapness of the excuse.

If she is normally conscientious, I'd just leave it and not mention it again.

nectarina · 15/03/2011 11:17

YANBU! that sounds pretty ridiculous and shameful.

BUT by the same token, it sounds like you work in a flexible and supportive environment that you should be grateful for. I've worked in places that make you feel guilty for not coming in when very unwell, and I ended up feeling paranoid about taking off 2 days a year for sickness.

Ormirian · 15/03/2011 11:20

You don't know the details though. There might be something else going on.

I got seriously flamed on here when I objected to a colleague constantly taking time off to look after his kids because his wife had a cold/headache etc. It turned out the flamers were correct - she was suffering from severe PND.

Ormirian · 15/03/2011 11:22

And on the surface I find it less odd to want to look after a child, even one who is 19, than a partner. Old habits die hard.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 15/03/2011 11:25

Sorry I think YABU because it is none of your business. The agreement was between your colleague and her boss - if workload comes back on you - you need to raise it with your boss.

Agree with Ormirian.

FWIW I left home at 18 and my mother NEVER called me because she said I was an adult now and could look after myself.

jeee · 15/03/2011 11:30

One of my DH's colleagues took time off as a result of a bereavement - her horse had died. Now, that's odd.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 15/03/2011 11:31

I don't think that's odd at all

ShatnersBassoon · 15/03/2011 11:33

If it isn't a regular thing then I would assume she truly believed she had to be there for her, whether that was because of a cold or something she didn't want to share.

confuddledDOTcom · 15/03/2011 11:46

If the work place is flexible and she always makes up her time then why shouldn't she go home and make some soup or drink or whatever for her daughter? If she was shirking to do it then it would be an extreme reason but I don't see the problem.

As for comments about independence, my sister never liked being on her own, even now she's married she will stay with my parents when he's away because she doesn't like being on her own. Turns out she has narcolepsy and catalepsy so night times are difficult for her, everyone thought she just didn't like it, even she did, but she's actually getting ill at nights. My OH has been working away since September and I've been living with my children at my parents house since as Mum has watched me have a bad TIA and seen me have many others and doesn't want me looking after the children on my own. I haven't had a TIA in about 5 years but the image of me headbutting the bin in my hospital room or on the hospital floor when she and the MW tried to move me but I was too heavy for them has stuck with her.

You don't know the full story, however long you've known someone. When our eldest was born at 31 weeks my OH's boss gave us a big bag of clothes, OH said "his daughter was born premature too" I said "Yes, he had twins last year" he hadn't even noticed that it had gone from twins to his daughter within that year. As I said, you don't always know the full story.

PigValentine · 15/03/2011 11:47

YABU. My sister is 24, and it is possible my mum would take time off work now if she is ill - she has ongoing mental health issues and gets very down when even slightly poorly. She would be out drinking at the weekend still too . I would imagine there is more to it.

Even if there isn't - if this woman is good about making up time, and you all benefit from your bosses flexible attitude, it doesn't really make any difference why she was off - she obviously doesn't take the piss generally.

Mymblesson · 15/03/2011 12:04

Do you have to do her work for her if she takes time off? If so, then you're not being unreasonable.

If you don't, then it's an arrangement between her and her boss, none of your business at all and you are being unreasonable due to the resentment you feel on account of her going home early.

Mumleigh · 15/03/2011 12:14

I phoned my Mum at work from hospital once when a routine IVF appointment went wrong and I was distraught - she left work straight away to be with me. I was 31! Sometimes you just want your Mummy!

I agree that a cold is not serious enough to take time off for but as previous posters have said there may be something more serious going on in the background and she may need some support.

Rannaldini · 15/03/2011 12:15

i would say that it depends on the child and the mum
my mum wouldn't have done so but that is not to say that i won't
sooooo
yabu

mollymole · 15/03/2011 13:21

if some one is really ill then it does not matter how old they are - does it - we all need a bit of help at times - and you cannot always see an illness.
your colleague and work place seem really nice and if she needed this time i think you should support her

Honeybee79 · 15/03/2011 13:24

YANBU, assuming 19 year old is not seriously ill and has no special needs that mean she can't look after herself.

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