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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect mid twenty somethings to act like the adults they are?

30 replies

A1980 · 12/02/2011 00:13

This is going to be a bit of a rant so, sorry.

Work earlier this week a more junior member of staff who I supervise and who is 25 years of age, comes in announces she's not feeling well. She hasn't been eating much as her mum (whom she lives with) has gone away for a couple of weeks and she is "fending for herself" at home. Yes, she actually said fending for herself. She's actually having to cook and clean for herself too, the poor little love.

She has a little bit of a temperature and she came into my office to tell me this. But she's fine and able to shriek and laugh with other colleagues while she's googling her symptoms and she did manage to make it to work on a long commute. She looks fine, she sounds fine, most likely she is fine.

Imagine my surprise when I find out she needs to go to A&E as she thinks she has meningitis......?! She leaves all urgent work behind for other people, including me, to do for her. She's out for over four hours as unsurprisingly A&E put her at the back of the queue and threw her out immediately after she was seen telling her there was nothing wrong with her. She was most upset by this. But not so upset that she couldn't go out drinking with her mates that night as planned.

I have other junior members of staff that are like this. Low fever, sore throat, tiny rash, on the phone to the doctor or off to A&E they go as they think they're dying of some horrific disease. I feel as if I have a queue of school kids at my desk constantly who don't have any common sense.

Some of them are less than 5 years younger than me and they can't seem to handle themsleves. Some people are married with a couple of children by 25.

Is it just me. It has been a long week so I may be just be a heartless cow today Grin

So AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
A1980 · 12/02/2011 00:16

Sorry I'm not saying all mid twenty somethings are like this, please don't flame me as that's not what I mean.

Just an irritating number of kidults at my office Grin

OP posts:
nellynaemates · 12/02/2011 00:18

YANBU but I certainly don't think it's limited to youngsters (being a most mature married mum aged 25).

Original poster
A1980 · 12/02/2011 00:22

That is true also nelly. I said that in my second post, certainly not all youngsters like this.

OP posts:
Meow75 · 12/02/2011 00:26

Two things spring to mind here, when I read your OP.

1 Too much mollycoddling has been going on by Mums for many many years

2 I know equally as many people in older generations who have repeatedly VERY serious medical conditions that turn out to be little more than an ingrowing toenail or similar.

FTR, as a Secondary School teacher, and coming into contact with the up and coming generation of employees, I don't see it getting any better.

raffle · 12/02/2011 00:29

I'm a newbie, first post Smile
Am also suffering staff calling in sick. My most favourite one being a text I recieved earlier saying 'I've thrown up and really can't make it in....unless you can't cover, then I'll drag myself in'.
Now, surely either you are sick and unable to work, or, you are pushing your luck and trying for a freebie? Hmm

Original poster
A1980 · 12/02/2011 00:32

Hi raffle. Welcome.

Meow, you're right, older generations can be like that too. But my view of it is probably distorted as I'm in charge of the youngsters Grin

OP posts:
keeplaughing · 12/02/2011 00:33

You are not heartless cow in the slightest, but your rant did make me laugh (in a good way) Smileat the stupid little (swear word). If you are her manager you should take note of all this and keep it for appraisal time. Also talk to HR / your line manager about it so that you keep professional control of the situation. She is taking the piss and needs to understand she can't. If you don't get this back up, your company isn't worth it.You sound as if you either need to be more assertive or move maybe if they're not interested?

Catnao · 12/02/2011 00:34

I was a mother and full time employee (as a teacher) at 23...I still call my mum about ridiculous things like "Does Catnao junior have meningitis cos his arms hurt?" occasionally - luckily, my mother is very much of the "Get a life" variety, although great in a serious crisis!!

Salmotrutta · 12/02/2011 00:35

I would soooo want to kick their arses if I was you!!!

I teach (yes, I know ...... groan) in Secondary School and I'm constantly horrified by the naivety of the "yoof" of today.
They have no backbone. None. They get spoon-fed everything. I despair - and I know that someone will come on here defending the nurturing nature of today's society, but seriously..... ? When I was growing up there were no Guidance Teachers or Social Education classes. We were brought up by our parents - not the school. Many parents nowadays seem to have an expectation that School should work out the problems of their children. If the child has a behavioural problem - "let the school sort it" seems to be the mantra. I would ask "why is it school's job to do that?" They are in the business of education. Not "Managing Behaviour Problems Which are Personality/Dysfunctiional Problems".

I am now prepared to be flamed {dons hard hat}
Sadly, it is the case that today's children/young people have been mollycoddled beyond all reasonable boundaries.

Firawla · 12/02/2011 00:37

no yanbu she sounds like an idiot! i really dislike these kind of immature people, 25 is not that young. as you say many people have 2 or 3 kids by that age (myself included) so when i come across someone like this i just think to myself how pathetic, grow up. perhaps she needs a talking to at work about how to behave if she is seemingly fine and shrieking and acting healthy with colleagues yet at the same time faking it and rushing off to a&e for nothing

Original poster
A1980 · 12/02/2011 00:39

I don't think she was faking it to get out of work. She genuinely thoguht she was very ill. She just didn't seem to connect the dots that she couldn't possibly be that ill if other than a low tempetaure she was acting normally.

Complete lack of common sense.

OP posts:
Mahraih · 12/02/2011 00:47

She sounds like an imbecile, emotionally immature and in need of a good kick up the jacksie.

If her mother is enabling her, she doesn't have much incentive to change. Maybe you could supply that incentive in the form of a bollocking, OP?

Really gets my goat. I'm 22, work bloody hard and am now on mat leave with DS. I've been 'fending for myself' since university!

peeriebear · 12/02/2011 00:50

My friend's sister is like this- she is 24 and still living at home. her mum still gets her up in the mornings, cooks all her meals, does all the washing, ferries her about, even takes her to the doctors and goes in with her!! As a result she has THE biggest sense of entitlement on the planet and still acts like a stroppy teen. I think her mum should push her out of the door to be honest... When I was 24 I had a job, my own (rented) house and a 3yo DD!

Salmotrutta · 12/02/2011 00:50

So tell me A1980 ..... do you think we are breeding a nation of f*wts? Because I think we are.
Stupid parents who don't bother to teach their stupid kids how to deal with life/how to look after themselves/how to interact with others. And so the stupid gene continues.
And to think that in days gone by they would have been punted out to the Trenches in WW1 Sad

Original poster
A1980 · 12/02/2011 00:55

I really don't get it Salmo as I am not even a decade older than some of these girls and I'm not like that! Where did it all come from?!

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 12/02/2011 01:14

I really believe we are breeding a nation of wimps. It's all gone "touchy feely".

rightpissedoff · 12/02/2011 01:25

agree it's recent

in the fifteen yrs since I started the power of the child has taken over the UK

do not leave in a car
do not leave in the house
do not leave while you pay for petrol
socialise at age three months ie it's not just down to you mum
do not feed anything solid till they are sitting up
feed them THIS no feed them THAT
give calpol every second of the day unless you are giving nurofen
your child is at imminent risk of death from any number of normal everyday situations
they must read at this stage NOW and they must pass X behavioural milestone THEN
etc etc

a nation of parents has been infantilised

and now a nation of children

rightpissedoff · 12/02/2011 01:26

mn feeds it

Mumcentreplus · 12/02/2011 01:36

I have to agree...and the men are wimps with hips (maybe it's the trouser shape?)

AgeingGrace · 12/02/2011 02:02

YABU, not because of what happened but because of what you wrote at 00:39. It's just part of being a boss, you have to tread a line between being their mentor/parent/friend/accountant/dictator - and sometimes it stinks.

TGFI!

crystalglasses · 12/02/2011 02:36

Young people are leaving home later, having children later, have difficulty in finding work - all this is probably prolonging dependency on their parents. it's well known that people regress to childlike dependency when they return to their dp's home and dps like to treat their adult dc as if they ARE children.

mrsunreasonable · 12/02/2011 21:52

I have the very same issue and feel like shouting when I was your age I had a husband, a mortgage and a baby so stop whining your mum bought the wrong crisps and grow up!!!! Rant over.

bumpsnowjustplump · 12/02/2011 22:09

my partner is like this Grin if he has a headache he thinks he has a tummour.. but to his credit he always goes to work it is just me that has to listen to the endless whining... and that heavy intake of breath when ever he moves...

mamadiva · 12/02/2011 22:09

Christ my mum moved 250 miles away when I was 16 so I have had my own place since then!

Although I did pull 2 sickies so we could play a scrabble drinking game when I was 18 HmmBlush:o

I am now 24 and have thankfully just about grown out of that, and yes I do occassionally phone my mum for random advice and major Blush! Guess who moved 250 miles towards her mum with DP when I found out I was pregnant at 19 :o

I do know what you mean though I see loads of peopple my age and think OMG grow up and stop panicking about how to clean your knickers! If your that stoopid by disposables...

Rant over!

bumpsnowjustplump · 12/02/2011 22:10

oh and he is a lot older than mid 20's

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