to think 4pm on xmas day is too late?

[macdoodle]

for XH to pick up the DD's :(
They are 9 and 3, overexcited and tired. DD2 is shattered and poorly.
We have had a lovely day, apart from the fact my mothers dog nipped DD2's face :(
He said he would pick them up between 2-3 for a few hours and to give them their presents.
So we had an early/rushed lunch, finished at 2pm, DD1 rung him to say they were ready, he said they had just started lunch and would be there at 3pm
At 3:45 and DD1 getting anxious, he rung to say he would be there in 5 mins and to be ready. He arrived at 4pm clearly drunk and proceeded to rant aggressively about the dog without even trying to discuss it and see how DD2 was.
When I said he couldnt take them and he was too pissed to drive, he sneered and said he wasnt, GF and their DD were in the car (a big stupid 4WD that I am pretty sure she isnt safe to be driving on the icey snowy roads).

So they're gone, upset, I am going to get back 2 very tired, hyper, irrtable children at god knows what time. He wouldnt have them tomorrow as he's "out", I offered earlier he said no.

I'm NBU am I??

[mollycuddles]

Not always knowing the back story is why I usually lurk rather than jump in and pontificate. In this case op's dd2 being bitten did bring joy at Christmas. Macd's exh will have been bloody delighted at the chance to stick the knife in. He won't have cared about her being hurt at all.

[MmeLindt]

Molly
Going by the info in the OP, I would be concerned about the dog bit too - when I read the rest of the thread it was clear that it was not an issue, but not knowing MacDoodle's story or any other details, it is no wonder that the dog bit was picked up on.

MacDoodle
Glad that you got the DC back and that the policeman who came to see you was on the ball.

Do you have a lawyer, have you had proper legal advice. I think you need to push ahead on getting a custody agreement set up and getting money out of your ex. He is taking the piss, time to put a stop to it.

Put it behind you, it is just one day. You are making a lovely life for your DC without your abusive knobhead of an ex. That is more important.

[ragged]

Here, here, Mollycuddles.
At least they're back with you now, OP. Keep papering over the cracks as best you can, for the DC's sakes.

[mollycuddles]

ffs what is it with MN and dogs?

I tend to lurk on these threads as I'm not sure what I have to add being lucky to have married a good bloke but I always notice macd's threads because her exH really is a total twonk. Why have so many people focussed on a minor dog nip? That wasn't what destroyed xmas for these two young girls and distressed them so much.

Hope you manage a nice day today x

[macdoodle]

I didn't blame the dog at all. We hdd dealt with explained he.got a fright and she had to be more careful. We were supervising closely I was sat on the floor with them it was just one of those things she leaned over and accidentally hurt him and he snapped. No ones fault not dd2 the dogs or mine. An accident which ex blew ou..t of all proportion

[VallhalaLalalalalalalalaaaaaa]

Glad it's sorted for now at least and that the children are safely back with you.

I back Midori 101% in all she has said - you cannot blame a dog for snapping when he/she has been hurt and the adults should have been supervising the 3yo and the dog far better then it wouldn't have happened.

[Anniegetyourgun]

Glad to hear there was a happy ending, and thank heavens for sensible policemen!

I hope you realise there is actually no chance of XH behaving like a rational adult, because he isn't one.

[macdoodle]

Thanks all, the policeman came to speak to me, he had checked the records and found all the domestic abuse and harassment stuff, so was very very symptomatic. He was happy that we handled the dog situation, discussed with DD's about not teasing the dog,not scaring it, and keeping them seperate for now.
He then went to speak to Xh and the children :( And ex brought them back about an hour later!!
They were ok, DD2 was absolutely shattered and went straight to bed. DD1 was more upset that the dog might need to be put down, reassured, and happy with her lots of expensive presents from XH. Personally, less presents, some chid support, or pay for some music lessons etc woud be prefereable, or even some consistent access. But she was happy.
I am done being reasonable and letting him do whatever he wants whenever he wants. I want a proper access agreement that he sticks to, will complete my CSA claim which he keeps getting me to put on hold, and he can remove all his shit in my garage. He ruined xmas for me, totally unneccasarily if he could for once behave like a rational adult.

[Secretwishescometrue]

How awful for you :( hope your girls are home with you again

[ChasingSquirrels]

Did he bring them back?
I hope, that despite everything, they had a nice time with him and are back happily with you and have had a good night sleep.

[fuzzypicklehead]

bump--what happened? Did he bring them back?

[thesunshinesbrightly]

Try mine bloody boxing day cause xp was to busy with the in laws to have them today.
No phone call nothing.tosser.

[salsmum]

Mcdoodle I feel your pain my ex has been a knob today and bought a bad end to what should be the best day of the year x

[diddl]

He´s supposed to be caring fpr his children butis drunk so his GF will do it.

So what´s the point of them going?

I think that that should mean he doesn´t get a visit tbh.

[midori1999]

No offense, but if your DD was allowed ot disturb a sleeping/half asleep dog then the adults are at fault foe the nip/bite. She wasn't harmed, but you should make sure she is unable to disturb the dog in future or even if n ot meaning to harm her, he could do more damage next time (catch an eye etc) and it's as unfair to the dog as your DD. He is a twat to call the police though and sounds like he is determined to continue to behave like one.

I agree you should see a solicitior. It's not like he can shop for things they need for an overight stay tonight as everywhere is closed, so he is not putting them first at all. Surely any reasonable adult would discuss the concerns re: the dog with you rather than simply call the police?

I hope you're not too upset.

[MumBarTheDoorSantaUsesChimneys]

YANBU about the timing. DS, 6yo was bouncing and full of the joys at 2pm and then visibally tired and lagging although still happy at 4pm.

RE the dog. Difficult one as although it wasn't bad it could have been. My guess is though that if he's not paying child support he will not keep the children - they will cost more to keep than the child support to pay!

If he's been drinking I would imagine thats clouding his judgement.

I hope it all works out and your DC's are OK.

[Ephiny]

He's entitled to be concerned, dog snapping at child is not good, but calling the police seems a bit of an overreaction. Better surely to have a chat with the OP and her mum about how to stop it happening again, e.g. teach dd to be more careful around the dog, put dog in kitchen while children are playing in living room, whatever seems like a sensible solution. That he's not doing that implies he's not actually concerned, just wanting to cause trouble for the OP.

And YANBU about him turning up late, and drunk.

[IAmReallyFabNow]

How would you feel if the dog was his and had bit her when he was looking after her?

He might be being an arse but his daughter has been bitten by a dog and he is entitled to be concerned for her safety.

[macdoodle]

She wasnt alone, we were all in the roon, dog lying in front of the fire, me and DD2 sat on the floor opening presents, DD1 and my mum on the setee. DD2 leaned forward to I think hug him and sat/or stood on him, and he turned on her.
Of course, its bad and we have taken steps to sort it out, if he could talk to me like a rational adult then we could have discusse dit. Instead he ranted and swore so I had to ask him to leave.
Calling the police and keeping 2 tired, overexcited children is crazy. He full well knows they are in no danger, he just wants to be in control/hurt/punish me.

[Starbuck999]

YANBU in being annoyed that he has changed plans, 2 hrs late does make a difference to tired out kids.

However YABU about him calling the police about the dog. Even a small bite is still a bite, even if you want to dress it up as a nip I guess the dog wasn't to blame as dd was sitting on it/ tormenting it - but why was she left alone with the dog in the first place. Perhaps he just wanted it looked into.

[macdoodle]

He wasnt supposed to have them overnight!!!! Just for a few hours to do presents, he is refusing to bring them back now because of the dog bite.
He never has them overnight, never wanted to, and has been working away for 5 months, only got back last monday.

[macdoodle]

I'm sure he will return them if not tonight then tomorrow, as he has a pub day planned.
The children will not be happy or settled, DD2 will want me. Their presents are all here, he has NOTHING for them, no toothbrushes, pj's, clothes. Last time he had them he "forgot/couldnt be bothered" to feed them.
This is nothing to do with concern for the children but all about getting/controlling/punishing me.

I won't bite, I learnt long ago it make sit worse. We will however be going back to communication via solicitor and a court agreed access.