To want to tellmy cousin her daughter is a rude ungrateful cow

[charlieandlola]

My dad died earlier this year and he left £10k to each of his sibling's relations .
I am executrix so have just sent the money out.
My cousin was lovely to me and my mum sending cads photos and messages to us after my dad died.
Her daughter is one of the beneficiaries and have we heard from her either before we sent the money or after ?
Nope despite us being friends on fb and Twitter .
She is 27 married with an 18 month old baby.
My mum is simmering gently about it.
I am nearly at the point of ringing my cousin as amfeeling like I could slap her daughter .
Families death and money eh !

[Jumpty]

I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt. There's a mixed bunch of views about this on here and maybe she didn't realise you would be expecting thanks / condolences. Maybe FB her and ask if she got the money and ask if she could drop a note to your mother.

[QuintessentialShadows]

Yabu, I think.

Some distant relatives sent me a box of trinkets after my fathers aunt.
I offered HIM my condolances when she died. But did not thank them especially. My mother had said a simple "thanks" when they handed the box over, as they did not give it to me personally.


I should add, in the box was a lovely silver bracelet with a matching ring. Beautiful.

The same aunt gave my father (79 years old at the time) £100.000 in her will..... He said it was very unexpected. But seeing as the aunt and her siblings threw my father and uncle along with their mum out of the family home when his father (my grandfather) died and STOLE it, I guess it was her way of saying "sorry".

[mollymax]

i think this just shows that a lot of people do not know how to handle death, or know what to say to those greiving.
Did she come to the funeral to pay her respects?
when my father died, I had people cross the road to avoid talking to me.

[PuppyMonkey]

I was going to say maybe she is just feeling awkward and flummoxed about how to deal with the situation??

I like the word executrix, btw.

[charlieandlola]

This is interesting. No firm outcome.

I think I am n b u but I do take the point about people dealing with death in different ways and avoiding bereaved people.

I think the overriding point for me iis that my father gave the gift not me and it would be nice to have that gift acknowledged. £10k is not a small sum and she was quick enough to provide bank details so she can't claim she didn't know she had received it. As my father is no longer here, I still believe that she should acknowledge the gift to my
mother and tell my mother that she is sorry that my father has died ( even if she coyldn't give a toss) .
My mum has taken pleasure and comfort from hearing how the other cousins are going to spend the money.

[Jux]

You're quite right. She is rude and graceless.