to use naughty step for meal time issues

[mrsunreasonable]

I really don't know if I am or not DH thinks I am being a bit unreasonable so thought I'd see what you all thought.

DS1 (3 1/2) is a good eater usually but recently if there is food on his plate he is not so keen on he chews it FOR EVER!

Recent example he had yorkshire pudding, mince and gravy and carrots. He ate all Yorkshire pud up straight away then with a bit of nudging all his carrots then said he was full. I said if you are full you won't have room for pudding he said he still wanted pudding so I said well you will have to finish your tea off first. So he takes one mouthful of mince and is chewing it for literally 5 minutes! I say come on eat up your mince he says he still has some in his mouth so I say well you've been chewing that for ages eat it up. Another few minutes of chewing elapse so I say right swallow that mouthful or you will be on naughty step he continues chewing makes no efffort to actually eat food so I put him on naughty step. After every three mins I go to him and say has that food gone he smiles opens his mouth it's still there so I say ok you can stay there for another three mins this goes on for about half an hour!

DH says not OK to punish him for not liking food but it is not food he doesn't like he has eaten it before just less keen on it that all other elements of tea and of course pudding. Is naughty step ok or should I be doing something else?

[flingingflangin]

Ok I see now! I have a nanny. She gives my DC any number of treats to make/keep them happy! I started to leave huge quantities of fruit about as an alternative. They then started eating masses of fruit instead of breakfast, lunch, dinner! It's a hard battle. But cutting snacking definitely works!

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Sorry that's iPhones auto spellcheck

Mb is mum boss - I'm a nanny

'waits to be yelled at'

Both mb and I have had long drawn out meal times - as I said they never have to eat it but do stay at the table to chat etc

The kids could sit and poke at food yet not want eat nor leave it - hence we started the buzzer

Very rarely used now :)

[flingingflangin]

Buzzer sounds awful tbh! I'd hate that and as a child I'd be waiting for the bugger to go off. Like a competition. By the way Hungary is a country. The word you are looking for is hungry. What is an "mb"?

[Blondeshavemorefun]

MegBusset ditto - even when had a large breakie and snack not long ago

im hardly starving a child, and they always eat the next meal lol

[Blondeshavemorefun]

thats fine, dont have a problem people disagreeing with mb and our way :)

the point we are proving to babs is that if she ate her breakie then wouldnt be hungary and if she ate most (doesnt have to be all) , then would get rice cakes/bread sticks/rasins etc

there are times she eats breakie and then doesnt want a snack at 1oish lol

[ivykaty44]

the others are right and if you carry on with the naughty step for not eating food you could well creat food issues that last your ds a life time

I would make small yorkshire puddings and pop just one on his plate and less mince, then see if he can eat the mince and yorkshire and then be allowed another yorkshire.

my two would 't eat mince for a long time due to the texture - they wouldn't eat burgers, leeks or cooked mushrooms due to the texture - but they eat lasagna and cottage pie where the mince is very mosit mixed in with others foods

[Altaira]

Blondes, sorry but I don't completely agree with your approach either. Toddlers use up a lot of energy and if she doesn't eat breakfast, I would offer a small mid morn snack. Thats not grazing btw.

OP, feel for you, but I think you may need some outside help and support with your food issues.

[ballstoit]

YABU. Far too much fuss over the meal, giving him lots of attention and a tool to wind you up when he chooses. I dont offer pudding unless dinner has been mostly eaten, although there is some leeway if I know it's something they're not keen on. Quite often they dont want pudding because they're full up from the meal. It's not a big deal either way.

Having said that, I do expect food to be tried (just a small forkful) each time I serve it. It's a standing joke in my extended family that Balls expects things to be tried at least 10 times. Even my Dad has had to try things he professes not to like .

Mainly though I want my DC to enjoy mealtimes, it's the only bit of each day where we all sit together and chat. I'd be sad to think that my DC dreaded mealtimes.

[perfumedlife]

Gawd I hate the bloody naughty step. It just labels kids naughty and changes nothing.

YABU but you know that, chill out. He won't starve and loads of us hated proper food as kids and adore it as adults.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

reading back what i wrote, it makes me sound awful, but i promise im not :)

mb and i support each other, i dont do breakie as when i get to work, we go to school, so mb will say babs didnt have breakie( by this i mean she maybe ate 4 spoons of cereal or 1/4bit of toast)

she has a beaker of milk at brekfast and water during day, and yes if she hasnt eaten breakfast then wont have any snacks till lunch - she will hardly starve - but neither am i going to not let her eat a meal then snack/graze during the day

there are times one of the 3 i look after wont want to eat, and as i said thats fine, but then they are not going to get down and play/watch tv while others are eating

we sit down as a family at a table and chat about the day etc - too many familys sit with trays on laps watching tv and never talk

the buzzer is that so they have a rough guide as im not spending hours eating food, tbh i rarely need to even do buzzer as they eat well - also it started when they were going to school as needed to learn to eat quicker as would say i only managed to eat some of my lunch and when quereied it with teachers, turns out rest of class finished and my dc was talking/messing about etc

[MegBusset]

Memoo DS1 (3.9) claimed recently to be so hungry that "My tummy is dying!" with much melodramatic clutching and moaning. IIRC it was about five minutes after his previous snack.

[Beamur]

My philosophy is that I'll give DD her dinner, she to eats what she likes and tries to avoid the rest, I ask her to try it and she usually does but I leave it at that. I don't make pudding conditional on finishing either - why insist on making your child eat too much simply so they can get pudding? It makes pudding too 'valuable' and too much of an issue.
If you feel that morally pudding should be conditional, then maybe offer a simple nutritious pud like fruit or yogurt so it seems less of a treat.
My DD will not eat meat, she simply does not like it. We're not a veggie household, but I'm not going to force her to eat it.
I too recall being made to sit in front of a disgusting cold meal and not being allowed to leave the table until I has eaten it, and I won't do that to her. I have problems to this day in leaving food when I'm full and its not a habit I want to pass on.

[Lara2]

sorry, dire punctuation - OH's iPad.

[Lara2]

I agree with the previous poster mince is yuk. My hounded won,t touch the stuff d neither will OH,s 94 year old granny.

Food battles will be your Vietnam - you,ll never win and it will end up being bloody miserable and stressful in the meantime. The other posters have all given great advice.

By the way, I eat the things I like best first too - only way to do it!!!! : )

[MemooMerrilyOnHigh]

Blondes, you let your 2 year old get so hungry her tummy is hurting?

[NoelEdmondshair]

Blondes - you say don't make issues, then tell us you have a buzzer at the table! So they're forced to sit at the table for 40 minutes and if they haven't eaten everything they don't get pud??

[midori1999]

I would never make an issue out of food, it can be very damaging. I can remember being sat at the dinner table in tears as a child whilst being made to sit until my plate was clear and being threatened I'd get it for breakfast if I left any. I still struggle to leave any food on a plate now, even if I'm really full.

I have never made an issue out of my children eating. I like them to try things, but if they don't like it, they can leave it. However, I have always just put a small portion of whatever it is on their plate each time we have it, and ask them to eat it, but don't make a fuss if they don't. They eventually eat pretty much anything.

I don't make them clear their plate and as long as they've made a good effort to eat what they have, they can have something after, although we don't really have puddings.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

dont make issues with food

give an alloted time, i do 30mins and after that they get a 10min buzzer, if they havent finished when buzzer goes they dont get anything else to next meal

i also will never force a child to eat and if they dont want it then fine, but they must sit at the table till everyone has finished

there have been times when didnt eat much tea at 5ish and then nothing till 7.30ish breakie

same as babs 2.5 keeps not eating breakie, and it goes in the bin (well actually dog lol) and nothing till lunch time

she says im hungary, tummy hurts and i and mb simply say, then you should have eaten brekafst, you are hungary

we do give lunch a bit earlier and she almost eats it without swallowing

[ArfurSleep]

disassociating food and love can be tricky

rejecting food is not rejecting you

[MadameCastafiore]

Pick your battles - food really shouldn't be one of them - we are very very strict about table manners and eating properly but would never force our kids to eat something - I remember sitting at the table for hours on a sunday being made to eat meat - which I wasn't fond of, watching the fat in the gravey turn into little white globs or chewing and chewing until I started gagging - couldn't imagine anything I would rather not put my kids through more.

I would have just taken his food away.

[TrappedinSuburbia]

yabu.

ds (5) tried that last night, ate all his veg (strange child) and left all meat then asked for pudding.
I said nope, you've not finished your dinner, so he ate the rest of his dinner, because he knows I mean that they're will be no pudding.

I don't make a big fuss, its no big deal in this house, not eating majority of dinner = no treats after.

ds doesn't get in a strop about it because i've never made a fuss, its just the way it is.

[TrinityMotherOfRhinos]

please just chill out

and for gods sake dont get hung up on what a 7 month eats

[happycamel]

What's making me smile is the comments about little boys eating favourite foods first and then leaving other food and wanting pudding.

My HUSBAND does this! He lines the food up in a circle around the plate in order of preference then eats each type one at a time, rotating his plate. I'd love to know what his mum was doing when he was a kid (sadly she passed away so I can't ask). I'm dreading our dc learning from him.

I won't let him have pudding if he doesn't finish his main course. I hide the spoons and another of his little foibles is he has to eat pudding with a spoon so a drawer full of forks and knives leaves him totally stuck!

[mrsunreasonable]

Thanks. I think i knew deep down I was being unreasonable but messing about with food is the one thing that REALLY pushes my buttons I am also currently being very unreasonable with my 7 month old for not eating much! I think I need to just chill out (easier said than done!)