to expect DH to actually go to bed

[Fibilou]

dh has been on late shift the last 3 days. he finishes at 11.30 and gets home about 12. And then stays up until 2-3 am watching TV. then has the cheek to moan the next morning that he is tired. I was particularly annoyed yesterday as I was at work at 8am, he stayed up until 3 and got knocky because I told him to get up and sort out the baby. Now he knew he was looking after her for about 4 weeks so it was not a surprise that I dumped on him.

I have worked shifts all my life until I went back from maternity leave so I know that you need a bit of a wind down when you get in but FFS, 3 hours ? When you know you're looking after the baby 5 hours later ? And then be too tired to actually do it properly (he made her stay in bed with him all morning )

He thinks I am being unreasonable; I hardly get a minute to myself nlow I am back at work and frankly think he is behaving like a child

[SuePurblybiltByElves]

Hold on, that's very sad about your friend but it doesn't mean that you have to accept your DH behaving like that. Obviously you shouldn't have hit him (imagine you've got that message by now!) but he is still acting like a knob.

for the MC.

[peeringintothevoid]

I think YABU. It's not up to you how long he winds down for after a late shift - he's an autonomous adult, not a child. I can understand why you're irritated with him, but it's not up to you to dictate his bedtime or what he does/doesn't do when he's looking after his daughter.

And as for the slapping.. I take it you wouldn't mind if he'd slapped you straight back then? Because frankly, that's probably what you deserved.

[ConstanceFelicity]

"I take it you wouldn't mind if he'd slapped you straight back then? Because frankly, that's probably what you deserved."

Wow. That would have solved a lot, wouldn't it?

[peeringintothevoid]

What, and her slapping him solved anything, did it?

If you're not prepared to get back what you're giving out, then you shouldn't lash out.

[newwave]

You saw he had been on porn sites, in this day and age who dosent know how the remove their surfing history

[MouldyMoldie]

peering, that was a weird thing to say. Of couse her slapping him didn't solve anything, but an eye for an eye? Really?

[pilates]

I was beginning to feel sorry for you until I read the slapping. He does need to buck his ideas up but that is extreme behaviour on your part. Have you ever slapped or hit him before? I think you need to apologise to him and sit have a chat about how you are not happy with the way things are at the moment with a view to resolving the situation.

[mayorquimby]

"He does need to buck his ideas "

why? what's he done wrong?
I've seen loads of times on here "I'm knackered today. aibu to keep the kids in their pyjamas and snuggle up in bed with them watching movies under a blanket?" or some variant of such a suggestion, and it is usually met by unanimous "yanbu, sounds brill" etc.

[thenightsky]

3 hours to wind down after work isn't that much. If i get home from work at 5.30pm, I wouldn't be going to bed at 8.30pm.

[HelenLG]

I was thinking the same thenightsky anyone who works 9-5 gets a lot more wind down time then 3 hours...

Also, what someone chooses to look at on the internet is their choice, it doesn't really matter whether it was porn or not. I'd be pretty pissed if my DH had a go at me for the time I went to bed and what I looked at on the internet.

That said, he should be able to look after the baby. Again tbh, I'd rather DH spent time in bed with DS and everyone was safe rather than him getting up, popping him down on a mat and falling asleep on the couch.

[peeringintothevoid]

MouldyMoldie "Of couse her slapping him didn't solve anything, but an eye for an eye? Really?"

I shouldn't have said "Because frankly, that's probably what you deserved." - that was too strong. The OP didn't 'deserve' to be hit, but she shouldn't have been surprised or outraged if he had hit her back. I feel strongly that if you hit someone, you should be prepared for them to hit you right back. A man gets (rightly) pilloried for hitting a woman, yet a woman hitting a man is seen as somehow more acceptable. It's not.

[MouldyMoldie]

I agree with you absolutely peeringintothevoid, just thought you were saying she deserved a smack, which no-one does imo. More crossed wires than a bunfight I think :)