DH and I had our first child in Feb.
My mum is divorced and lives alone near us. His parents live about 3 hours drive away.
We would visit them about every couple of months, maybe every three months before baby. They never visited us apart from a couple of times. His dad stopped working in his 30s and hasn't done anything since then, he doesn't like socialising (refused to come to our baby's naming ceremony) and has few friends.
Before baby, when they did visit us we'd give them our bed and sleep on the futon in the spare room.
Since baby arrived when they came down they stayed at my mum's. This (I thought) was more convenient for everyone as my mum had the space, a spare double bed and we only have the 2 bedrooms - our room and the spare room which is now the nursery. I thought they all got on well.
His mum came alone and slept on our sofa once. I just assumed that his dad didn't want to bother coming for one night only.
Then she came alone again for just an afternoon on the train and I overheard her say that his father didn't want to stay at my mum's house because she talks too much and he feels that he has to 'perform' for her. I asked mum about this (she is quite chatty which can be tiring but she means well and is a nice person) - she said she knew she had this tendancy and tried her hardest not to chat too much when he was around.
Although she can be annoying it makes me furious for anyone else to criticise her. Maybe that makes me a hypocrite but I am upset that he feels this way about her.
Since having the baby I really feel that I don't want to give up my bed to them, I don't think they'd be comfortable on the futon (he has hip problems) and it seems crazy that they won't just stay at my mum's in a nice, comfy double bed down the road just at night and spend the whole day with us.
Maybe I should be giving them my bed and inviting them to see their grandson more often. Maybe I should invite them and say they can have the futon and I move the baby in with us whilst they're here.
But I'm not disposed to be nice and invite them now that I know what they think of my mum.
I used to be the one who said to DH "Isn't it about time we went to see your parents?" etc. but I don't now. If he wants to arrange it I'll go along with it but there's no way I'm putting myself out.
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AIBU?
To have stopped making an efford to see PIL
9 replies
easternstar · 04/10/2010 22:23
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