Big of a rant but I'm also seriously questioning my relationship (and am also very hormonal) .....
Our car needed £2k spent to get an MOT so it had to go. We were advised to put it into an auction as it would fetch a few quid, being essentially a good car. Great mechanic fixer upper etc.
The car sold last night - on it's 5th auction. I left DP to take care of the sale etc but it didn't sell initially - I couldn't figure out why. After the 4th auction he tells me he put a reserve of £750 on it!!!!!! DP eventually reduced the reserve to £400 & car sold for £475. He was originally told by the garage he'd "get about £500 in an auction" so the experts were spot on. Pity DP choose to ignore them and think he knows better. Great I say so after commission we'll get over £400 - good step towards a new car. Except NO - there is a £30 per auction charge. 5 auctions x £30 = £150.
PLUS as it took 2 weeks to sell he has to pay another months insurance £50, plus another months parking permit we don't get refunded - about £10. So because he decided against expert advice and my opinion, to put a reserve on of £750 AND LEFT THAT RESERVE ON FOR FOUR AUCTIONS (I am shouting) we get less than half what we would have.
It's not a huge amount of money - really not a big deal. EXCEPT I now think he's a total moron. How did I not know this about him before??? I have been trying to figure out exactly what his thought process was, how did he make these decisions? The conclusion I keep coming back to is he ignored expert opinion and advice, ignored me, ignored simple mathematical sums, and put the car into the auction with a stupid unobtainable and unrealisitic reserve price, knowing full well that selling at auction was pretty much the only option left for the car.
So he took all that information and made the worlds stupidest decisions - one after another, all the while avoiding my questions, avoiding mentioning costs other than the sales commission of 10%. OK, so put it in at £750, but then knowing you were charged £30 per auction wouldn't you lower the reserve the first time it didn't sell???? Would anyone with a modicum of intelligence leave it in there for FOUR auctions??? And he didn't tell me about all this until last night when the information drip drip dripped it's way to me.
I can't even look at him at the moment. I am seriously questioning his intelligence, thought processes and ability to make a reasoned decision. God forbid he would ever have to make an important decision about/for me or DD. I do not trust him to do so. I just think he's moronic - and that is dreadful. It's not like I had him up on a pedastal or anything before, but I don't think it's unreasonable to think this simple task would be handled much better than it was. Or at least to see a little logic applied to the decision making process. He won't talk about it further without getting grumpy now.
He's done similar things at work a few times. Been in full knowledge of certain facts and then made on the spot decisions ignoring every fact that HE KNOWS making a stupid decision that is swiftly revealed to be completely wrong and he looks really bloody stupid.
I accepted early on that I would have to handle family finances etc as it's far from his strong point, but now I feel as If I have to do everything & I hate it. And I also want some kind of legal paperwork in place so he can't make any important decisions about my life should I fall ill. I simply don't trust his decision making process.
AIBU to be so fucked off about this? And how do I stop looking at him and seeing someone I just don't know (or even worse, don't want to know)?
AIBU?
to dread the idea that DP might one day have to make an important decision about my or DD's life ......
FindingMyMojo · 29/09/2010 10:30
I'm pretty sure they start the bidding at whatever they can, but when the price is not met, then declare the item unsold at the end of the bidding for it IYSWIM.
It does sound as if you're slightly overreacting unless this is the straw that broke the camel's back. He sounds like he ticks most of the positive boxes.
Have been through similar angst with DH over the only things he had financial control of at our wedding. He's now reached the point where he admits that I'm better at dealing with ALL our finances, although I tell 'consult' him about some things sometimes, mainly to make him feel less useless tbh.
The hard bit is not flinging it in his face if he threatens to do something similar again 
redsky yes I think you are right. When we talked of the car going he played it so cool - in fact we discussed how I was more upset at the loss of the car than he was!! It's was all a clever disguise I think.
BBJ I don't think I'm controlling, though I as I said earlier I do feel that most decisions that have to be made re our family & life have to be driven by me. I would certainly prefer more of an equal share of the load with DP, but he hates to make decisions or bring about any form of change. And I've given an example in the OP as to how weird his decision making process can be.
Most of the time I'm pretty easy going. We do need to make some serious changes in our lives though in the next year - whereas I'd like to work as a team, talk things through, share the necessary research and then make decisions together, it can feel like I'm banging my head against the wall, or worse that I end up dragging DP behind me, like a bloody albatross. When we've made changes in the past he has often been unhelpful during the process, and then very thankful to me once the change was made. I guess an analogy of the differences in our personalities, is I can see (for example)a run down property and I see the structure is sound & the problems cosmetic, with a little clean & decoration it will be absolutely lovely, whereas he would look at anything that wasn't already is tip top condition as an unhabitable disaster to be avoided at all costs.
I accept that he has quite a 'fixed' aspect to his personality, but the acceptance doesn't mean I often feel like I'm struggling with stuff alone, that should be shared.
I'm feeling much better today than yesterday & have worked this largely out of my system. Many thanks to all who've replied to me - it's really helped process everything.
DP is doing lots of overtime this week - we'll talk stuff over the weekend, but I'll be gentle. 
I'm not angry, a little exasperated I guess. A lot of it is about acceptance of things I don't understand (my instinct is initially to really want to try & find a way to understand). I still think his behaviour re the car was moronic, though I know HE's NOT a moron. There's a difference.
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