Support Network Requirements

[CeruleanBlueX]

Hi all, going through the adoption approval process and have a panel date set, but am worried about my support network. I've got a great one, but it's comprised solely of family members. And that seems like a problem, and that without non-related support, we may get rejected. It seems mad to me.

My partner and I can offer a great home environment, our support network will always be there for us, we just don't have friends we can list to be part of it.

Has anyone else faced this problem, and what happened?

[solongandthanksforallthedish]

They want to know you can build a network from scratch, so outside the family. This is important because post adoption, often the support network you had aren't seen for dust, and you have to reform a network, especially if your kid has additional needs. You need to show you're the type of person who can build networks.

[CharlieSays13]

They just want to see that you have a wide range of people who you can rely on for support for different things.

As well as the family and close friends that you would expect to support you we also highlighted others such as work colleagues who would pick up our slack if we had an emergency. We work for ourselves so this was particularly important.

Ask to be put in touch with other adopters in your area, our panel seen this as a huge positive. It was the best thing to happen for us and we're now very close friends with a family that completely understand our family needs.

Mention some of the groups you intend to go to with your LO, maybe have a visit before they come along. The support you will get from other parents will (hopefully) amaze you.

Our Circles of Support is totally obsolete 5 years on. Most of our family found they struggled to support us due to the way we needed to parent. They were all adamant they would be there for us but they fell away very quickly. Hopefully you won't have this issue but things change so much once you actually have you're LOs it worth broadening your support as much as you can. The panel will want to see that you've thought about this and are prepared to think outside the box. Good luck!

[ImAMessNess1]

I would say you have friends and colleagues etc that can offer non practical support, but you are very close to family and you feel they are a great all round support for you. Focus on your intention to build a network by attending adoption support groups etc. Say you realise you need to meet other parents.

We got questioned on lack of support to babysit etc I said we had 2 family members we know could help, more in an emergency but that our intention was to use a nursery only for childcare as we want to maintain stability and not have them moving around different carers. They liked that.

[SinceISawYouLast]

We had a similar situation, we thought about practical things first - who could you ring if you locked yourself out the house with a toddler in the rain? Broke down ten miles away and couldn't get to nursery pick-up? Who dropped off food when you had covid? Who could collect a prescription if you were at home with a poorly baby? Those people are important and can be neighbours, colleagues, family.

Then think about YOU, who could you call at 3am when the baby won't stop crying and you're exhausted and need a friendly voice? These people don't need to be physically close, just always on your team :-) WhatsApp is handy here as you can see who is awake...!

You might make friends at a baby or toddler group and swap numbers, tell the panel you're hoping to build friendships with mums at the Friday morning library bounce and thyme, or Tuesday afternoon daddy-and-baby swimming lessons. Show that you're researched things and plan to go, look at your local Children Centre or Family Hub for all sorts of cool free stuff eg baby massage (can't recommend that one enough!)

Does you LA have a buddy system for new adopters, or new adopters coffee morning at soft play once a month? Those will be your people!

Stress that you're looking to make connections, plan to stay in touch with foster carer if you had a good 'un (ours was fab and literally was the 'guide book' everyone jokes kids don't come with!).

Go out for a coffee with one or two contacts from your prep group (if that still a thing?) as adopters at the same stage are the equivalent of antenatal groups with babies the same age. The stage will be more important than having children at the same age.

Good luck - our circle looks nothing like it did on paper but it did the trick at the time I suppose! Be open to making new connections, we had one former colleague in our outer circle who suddenly stepped up and has become a good aunt to the children and a confident for me, you just never know how things will change.

[CeruleanBlueX]

Thanks all for your replies. I've found them really useful and will help me with conversations with our social worker.