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Gift ideas - older child adopter

11 replies

gracepoolesrum · 28/01/2024 23:58

A close friend is about to solo adopt a 4 year old, I'm over the moon for her as it's been a long road to get to this point and she'll be a wonderful parent. I'd love to get something for her and something for her child, if it's appropriate. Has anyone on here adopted an older child, would an age-appropriate toy be a good gift? Or would you have preferred a keepsake? And what's a good gift for a new adopter? This is all new territory for me. Thank you.

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Ted27 · 29/01/2024 08:21

@gracepoolesrum

It's very thoughtful if you.

My son was a but older at 7 and came with loads of stuff from foster care.
I would avoid toys and games as you won't know what they will bring from FC and its not long since Christmas.
Also remember that although it's an exciting time for the adults, its a very scary and traumatic time for the child so the last thing they need is to be overwhelmed with new stuff.
So, personally I'd go more for a keepsake or a nice edition of a children's classic book. We have a collection of the complete works of Paddington, Thomas the Tank etc. We have kept them all so my son can hand them down to his children - our first family 'heirlooms'

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LeoLeo2 · 29/01/2024 13:36

That's a lovely idea. Mine were also slightly older but I would echo what Ted says about clothes/toys/games etc.

One of my favourite gifts was a little kit for making handprints - gold paint and a small 3D canvas board. We did handprints on the day they moved in - one hand for each of us so it looked as though we were almost holding hands. That is still up on my wall now, many years later. I look at it and marvel how tiny they were!

Books are also a good option - beware sets of fairy tales though; so many are quite scary once you read them through a traumatised child lens.

I know someone who was given an annual pass for their local zoo and they used that well. Or maybe tokens for the local swimming pool - it's a good bonding opportunity to have a swim together.

Possibly think about when in the year their birthday will be for those types of gifts - a 4 year old may already be in school and not get so much use out of an annual pass (especially if busy places prove to be difficult to manage).

My favourite gift though, especially as a single adopter, was one of time. A very good friend came round one evening a week, after my children were in bed, and cooked for me. To be able to relax, chat while she cooked (and washed up) and eat a meal with another adult was absolute bliss! She kept it up for over a year too; really helped with the feeling of isolation and overwhelm. Needless to say, she is still a very good friend.

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Torvy · 29/01/2024 21:49

Congratulations to your friend! What a lovely idea :)

As other people have mentioned, the gift of time, clean laundry, babysitting or hot meals is amazing to be honest, but I get that you might want to give them a thing.

I would get them to double check what the child has already, and what she might want to buy herself, because some purchases are a bit of a rite of passage. Nothing quite like browsing the kids section after years of skipping it! We wanted to buy a lot of books and clothes ourselves because we hadn't done it and we wanted to.

It depends on how sentimental she is- we err on the side of practicality rather than sentimentality because our house is too small for much other stuff! Her taste might be different.

We adopted slightly younger but now have a 4 year old. I figured I would list some stuff that you might not have thought of but that we now use often enough for it to be a practical gift. We have 2 rambunctious boys, so maybe ignore some of the stuff if she has a very quiet child!

Practical stuff:
Booster cushion for sitting at the table in a pattern they like
Balance bike/scooter and helmet
Fold up crashmat from ikea - it's called plufsig
Contigo water bottles with the auto spout (great for sucking and regulation and have lasted us a year so far)
Chewellery- we needed loads
Personalised rucksacks for school
Tiny play kitchen from amazon that fits the side of our fireplace
Peanut ball
Some sort of outside toy- rocket stamper toy works well for energetic kids
Nightlight (dinosaur, unicorn stuff like that, you can get ones that are personalised)
Nooie baby camera (you can use it to talk to the kid, and ours feel reassured that we can see them).
Gro clock
Swimming towels with a hood on, goggles, swim cap if they are planning on swimming stuff
Wellies and rainsuits
Weighted blankets
Bed tent
Trunki in the character they like.
Tonie box with some tonie characters
Tablet headphones (this one is a bit controversial/a big ticket item, but if she is planning on giving a tablet maybe some accessories for it). I would recommend Bluetooth ones!
Extra tall babygate
Flashing toothbrushes
Walkie talkies
Disco ball - great for afternoon dance parties!
Lava lamp- hypnotic enough to entertain a kid for at least a few minutes!
Bath toys

Non clutter stuff:
disney subscription
spotify premium subscription
Clarks/startrite voucher for school shoes
Takeaway vouchers
National trust membership- we love ours!

Sentimental stuff:
Token for a photoshoot later on when they are settled
Footprint or handprint sets
Scrap book
Matching mummy and me jumpers (I did NOT account for how much I needed these in my life.)
Book from wonderbly- the characters can be personalised and they are quite open ended

All that being said, the honest to goodness best thing is the promise of a good meal and a non judgemental person at the end of the line in a difficult moment is the best gift.

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gracepoolesrum · 29/01/2024 22:23

Thank you all for your responses, I really appreciate the time taken and have some great ideas to mull over now!

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UnderTheNameOfSanders · 30/01/2024 06:41

If buying gifts go for slightly younger in age if anything, not older. Children who have been in care are often a bit behind.

Give presents for child to the parent, unwrapped, let them decide how/when to passing on.

Craft supplies are good.

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Jellycatspyjamas · 30/01/2024 11:07

We were given a family photoshoot with a long date - could be used up to a year down the line. They’re still my favourite photos of us. We were also given a day pass to a local attraction which could be transferred to an annual
pass for a small fee - let us see whether the kids liked it before committing. Another friend bought us National Trust membership for the year which we used a lot.

I’d avoid getting “stuff” unless it’s something like a keep sake - my kids came with so much stuff we couldn’t keep up with it.

Don’t forget flowers for the new mum.

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CharlieSays13 · 30/01/2024 17:15

The best thing we were gifted was an outdoor swing and chute. They had to leave outside toys behind when they left their foster carer and they really missed them as they loved playing outside. They probably saved my sanity! Ours were 4, 5 and 6 when they came home.