Adoption order rejected, child returned to birth family

[Lilka]

In the news today

Basically, in a first as far as I've seen, a Judge has rejected an adoption order application and returned the child to their birth family - I say returned, actually the baby has never lived with this aunt. The child was placed at 7 months, and is 20 months old now, but it was 5 months into the adoptive placement until the birth fathers identity was fully established (wrong bf named initially) and although the actual bf is incapable of parenting right now, he fought the adoption so the baby could live with his sister, who has been positively assessed, and the judge ruled in their favour after the hearing in November. The LA and Child's Guardian supported the Aunt.

Daily Mail article

The full court judgement is here, obviously better than any news story, but much longer

I have many conflicted feelings about the case and Judge's decision, but of course my thoughts are mostly with the baby's [s]adoptive[/s] parents right now

I also wonder whether this decision will impact upon future cases or not. Professional views on the case? (Spero?)

[lougle]

It isn't a decision taken lightly, though. Adoption is a last resort for children who don't have a suitable family. This child did have a suitable family, it just wasn't known. The father did make sustained efforts once he knew the child was in care.

AFAIK adoption orders are not a fait accompli and they shouldn't be seen as such.

It is harrowing. There was no easy answer here. To be honest, the adoptive family's situation seems much more stable than the family's. But children don't get adopted because their home isn't ideal. They get adopted because their home situation is so bad that to leave them there is worse than removing them.

This judge did a very difficult thing. I expect it would have been far easier for the judge to say 'too late, it's sorted' and issue the adoption order. But the fact is that adoption orders are not a rubber stamp and the issue should be explored thoroughly before the order is made.

[trafficjam]

Just reading the assessment and it appears the bf didn't know the child was in care- he assumed he was with the bm who deceived him in this (although clearly he was prepared to take her word for it). The bm also maintained a different man was the father and that man agreed he was.
So, to be fair to him, he didn't just wait around till the last moment.
I just feel so anxious that we are reliant on ss assessing the right people and ensuring all avenues are explored prior to placement. Where parentage is unclear, we need to be confident that this is explored as far as is possible. It sounds in this case like the sw and court originally accepted the mother and her partners explanation for obvious racial differences in the child and man on the birth certificate whereas wider rumours indicated clearly the paterity of the child lay elsewhere.
My other big concern is how little emphasis is being given to the trauma of moving the child again from the adopters to a family member he has never met.

[lougle]

"little emphasis is being given to the trauma of moving the child again from the adopters to a family member he has never met."

To be fair though, a foster carer who grew to live the child after fostering him for a year or more would not be allowed to adopt the child because it would be traumatic to move them on to adoptive parents he had never met. From the child's point of view at that age, it's no different.

I appreciate it's hugely different from the adoptive parent's point of view, though.

[trafficjam]

I know what you mean lougle, our children are moved prior to coming to us and we definitely see the impact of that and have to manage it. It just seems so unsettling - we spend a huge amount of time reassuring our children about being their forever family, we won't leave etc. Then in this case they will have to reverse all that and start introducing this boy to a family he has been unaware of and uproot him again. I hope they have a robust support in place for all of the people involved.

[DennyDifferent]

As a prospective adopter this scares the life out of me. The judge was the right person to make the decision so I am not going to argue with it, but reading the full court judgement I am feeling a little bit sick.

[KneeQuestion]

Shouldn't have read it, but the comments on the daily mail article are sickening.

Loads of racist and anti single mother comments, suggestions that the paternal aunt only wants him for the benefits and what kind of upbringing will he have [with a single mother]

A few comments suggesting the aunt is doing it to 'remain in the country'

'what about his white heritage' etc

Tossers.

[Threeplus1]

I'm not an adoptive parent, neither was I adopted, but I have two very good mixed race friends who were adopted into white families in white areas, where the fact that they were 'different' was ignored (apart from the bullying at school). Both have serious identity issues even now as adults, having never felt like they truly belonged despite being loved by their families and being given every advantage. Yes, they are white too, but no white person looking at them thinks that, they are automatically presumed to be black. Being surrounded by white people there was no need to reinforce this aspect of themselves. But it's about so much more than just skin colour. Their hair is different and no one knew what to do with it. They know very little about their heritage from their African Caribbean side, the food, the language etc. they missed out on having the most obvious part of them acknowledged and reinforced. Their parents loved them and told them they were just like everyone else. This was a mistake however well meaning. I realise this is hardly representative of all transracial adoption experiences, but it can't be discounted.
The adoptive family in this case are surely heartbroken, but it's not about them. If the judge, having all the facts if the case, deemed this to be in the best interests of the child, then regardless of the feelings of the adoptive parents, that must be respected.

[dibly]

Why must that be respected? There are several instances of judges making ludicrous comments and decisions, regularly around rape cases for example. This and recent court decisions are proving to be extremely damaging, mainly for the children involved.

I know it may be from a well meaning place, but as an adoptive parent, I find some of these comments really hard to swallow. What adoptive parents completely, and maybe uniquely,understand, through experience, is how the trauma of being moved from one home and set of parents to another really really affects our children. I find it difficult to believe that the benefits of moving to his aunts will outweigh the trauma the LO will face in having another significant move, and the consequences to attachment and ability to form relationships that this may bring.

My LO, adopted 5m ago and now 16m, has just gone to a Christmas party with DH. It breaks my heart to see her look of panic as I waved her off -in her mind, following her experience, every goodbye might be the last time she sees us. The love and effort that this adoptive family have invested to make this LO feel secure, confident and able to reassure the child that this was their forever home, has all been smashed. At a time when local authorities are stretched beyond measure and there simply aren't enough adoptive or foster parents coming forward, then this decision is massively damaging and the consequences could ultimately mean lots more kids moving round multiple foster homes for years to avoid a repeat of this scenario.

[Threeplus1]

But surely over time with consistency and love from you your daughter will become settled and secure. Identity issues can last and affect a lifetime. How also, would the child or adult react to the knowledge that they could have been raised in a willing and suitable birth family?

It's heartbreaking for the adoptive parents, but you can't ignore the huge importance of cultural heritage nor the even bigger importance of the fact that the birth family wants the child and has been proven able and suitable.

[trafficjam]

Unfortunately consistency and love won't necessarily solve issues created by trauma. Some of the adoptive parents have been on these boards with children for a decade and are still parenting children with trauma and identifying the triggers to their behaviours. There are long-term issues here and knowing how little support adopters are given post placement I'm not convinced the necessary support will be offered to these families.

[Lilka]

But surely over time with consistency and love from you your daughter will become settled and secure. Identity issues can last and affect a lifetime

The effect of early moves and trauma can also last a lifetime. How a child is affected is completely individual, but it's a myth than love and consistency will always 'fix' the issues caused by losing your parents/trauma. My DS was 23 months when he moved in, has had the benefit of all my consistency and nurturing for nearing 8 years now, and still has obvious issues stemming from his early experiences, and will continue to have the majority of them into adulthood.

No one has a crystal ball, but it is most certainly possible that the way that 'Child C' relates to the world and others will be negatively affected by these moves for a long time or for the rest of his life.

Personally I still feel just as conflicted as yesterday.

[FamiliesShareGerms]

Threeplus - some children, as a result of an unstable and fractured early childhood, never develop a secure attachment to anyone. This can manifest in all kinds of ways, some extremely serious both for the child and their family. Unfortunately sometimes love just isn't enough.

I'm absolutely not diminishing the importance of a sense of identity, or indeed the importance of birth family. But a child with a secure attachment, I'd suggest, is better placed to develop a sound sense of self-identity than a child with attachment issues.

[Threeplus1]

I'm not meaning to offend anyone here. like I said, I have no first hand experience of adoption other than through people I know. I'm not completely talking out my arse though as I am a person of mixed parentage and do have first hand experience of the issues of identity

[nooka]

It looked like a very very difficult situation with no good resolution.

The decision taken was tragic for the adoptive parents and their families, as they will lose their much loved child, and unlike birth parents in a similar situation will have no prospect I assume of any further contact. If the other decision had been made and the child had been adopted then it would have been very sad for the paternal family who obviously very much felt that the child should be brought up with them, but their grief would have been for a child they never knew as the father never met him/her and they have only a photograph or two.

For the child it's impossible to say which outcome is best, as the judge states it is all speculation. There will be trauma of separation with the move, and there will be trauma of identity if the adoption went through. Both choices involve loss. The view taken seemed to be that over a lifetime the second was more important but I can't see that this could be anything other than a personal view as it's such an unusual situation that I don't suppose there is much evidence to go on.

I just hope that the promised support is given, that the child does cope and is able to transition to the aunt and that his family really embraces him/her so that he/she is loved and cherished and feels like he really and truly does belong.

And I hope to goodness that the poor adoptive parents are given lots of support too, because apart from being acknowledged as fantastic parents they were hardly referenced at all. I can't begin to imagine what they are going through.

[Kewcumber]

My son like Lilkas is still dealing with the effects of adoption as a one year old - he was 9 last week. He is also transracially adopted. Currently his "adoption" issues cause a significantly bigger problem than his racial identity does, though I totally accept that might change.

As I said upthread threeplus1 you really can't compare adoptions 20+ years ago with current practice. As it happens (though to be fair not veryone does this) I did a specialist preparation course that deals with some of the issues of transracial adoption.

I really don't know what the right decision was. Really I don't, with a child of a different race I am perhaps more understanding of the importance of race in placements as I live with it. But I do think it illustrates just how little even people in the industry (as it were) understand the effects of even mild attachment issues on a day to day basis. The struggles DS has as a result of his (relatively mild) attachment issues pervade almost every aspect of his life. His race not so much, partly because of the area we live in and his particular group of friends.

[Kewcumber]

There is evidence that with certain caveats (not ignoring race as an issue and part of your identity, promoting positive role models in your family of all races etc) that transracial adoptions don't have a different outcome in terms of measured self-esteem than same race adoptions.

There was a great piece of work pulling together all the various research done across Canad and the USA and scandinavia (no point doing any here - its still so rare as to make any results statistically insignificant)

[Devora]

I'm conflicted too - truth is, we can't know which option would be better for the child, in the end it had to be a subjective decision. But I absolutely agree with others that those who haven't seen it with their own eyes often underestimate the impact of early life trauma and how enduring attachment issues can be [said with feeling].

I think there is no question that the old practice of adopting black children into white families within white communities where 'colour-blindness' is the most enlightened you get was hugely damaging. But I don't think it can assumed that a transracial adoption with parent/s who are informed and sensitive, in a multiracial community, in a markedly less racist society, is necessarily comparable. I am the white mother of a black child, and I'm very aware of the importance of racial identity to her, but within her family, her school and her community there are many many children who look like her. Like many adoptive parents I have paid to attend training courses on how to support her racial identity. I make huge efforts to support her understanding and enjoyment of her heritage. (To be fair, my other half is black so it's not strictly a transracial adoption, but every mother who is a different ethnic heritage to their child should address this - and where both parents have a different ethnic heritage there is loads they CAN do.)

I'm particularly interested in this ruling because my dd has a younger half-sibling who, having been offered to us, was later settled within the birth family. Which has left me with lots of questions, which will never be answered, about why this option was not taken for my dd. I guess it comes down to different individuals making their own decision at different times - there is no objectively right answer. My dd has the advantage of a safe, stable family life but the (significant) loss of growing up apart from her birth family. Her sibling is undoubtedly in a more chaotic environment but won't have to endure the transition or loss involved in adoption. Nobody can measure the impact of disruption on this particular child - apart from anything else, we don't know how resilient this particular child is. But what a terrible, heartbreaking situation it is. The adoptive parents must feel as though their hearts have been ripped out.

[Devora]

I'm sure Kew won't mind me saying that, so far, racial identity issues seem to have been a bigger deal for my dd - who is exactly the same skin tone as one of her parents, and has zillions of cousins with her exact same racial heritage - than for her ds, who is very clearly a different racial heritage and has nobody within his family who looks like him. Kew may be a better transracial adopter than I, our kids may have different fish to fry, or of course they may both change in years to come. So how you weigh up the potential significance of all this in infancy, I don't know.

I'm one of the old codgers around here, and in my (70s) childhood mixed race children were considered great objects of pity. My family were very left-leaning, hippyish, liberal, and also racially mixed. But I still remember how freely and commonly people talked about the problem of mixed race. Outright racism was completely mainstream, and liberal people would say, "I'm not racist, and I'm not against people marrying outside their race, but I don't think it's fair to the children. They don't belong anywhere, do they?" That was not considered racist; it was considered enlightened. How on earth could a cultural climate like that support positive racial identity for any dual heritage child, let alone one who has been adopted? Our world has changed enormously. My mum was freakishly unusual in having a whole load of siblings with a different skin colour from her - in most cities, that is now a common sight.

[JammyJimmy]

This whole case both terrifies and saddens me greatly.

What strikes me is that his birth family don't see the child as a person yet, they are fighting for the idea of the child who they deem to be 'theirs'. If they knew and loved this child in the same way as his adoptive parents they would not want to put him through the significant trauma he's about to face. I think significant direct contact would have been a reasonable alternative in this case, which the adopters had agreed too.

No-one well ever know if this was the right decision long term but my heart goes out to the child and his adoptive family.

[Threeplus1]

How could they know and love the child in the same way if the LO was already 5 months into the placement with the adoptive parents when paternity was correctly established? The birth family aren't wrong to want to raise one of their own!

[Devora]

I don't see either family as being in the wrong. In either position I would do exactly the same.

[FamiliesShareGerms]

I agree that if I was the aunt and able to look after the child I'd push very hard to be able to do so.