Thinking about adoption

[Friedbrain]

Hi..

Wow.. Where do I start..

My partner and I (both women) are thinking about the possibility of adoption.

So where do we start...
What thibgs do we need to 'pass' to begin with and what things can fail you.

Our background.

Partner is 39 and a nursery manager has some savings

I am a nanny finishing current position in August but looking for a new job at moment, and have no savings

We rent a 2 bedroom flat.
Neither of us have children

We live in London

Would love to hear from anyone with advice.

Thank you

Thank you so much if you made it this far

[Moomoomie]

Take a look at some of the older threads on here about starting out.
There is nothing you have said that would rule you out.
You would need to think about which one of you would be the "main" carer, or would you share the adoption leave?
Best thing to do is contact your local adoption agency or council to see if you can attend an informal introduction meeting. Our LA has them often, they are very informative, I have spoken at them before as an adoptive mother.
Best wishes and let us know how you get on.

[Italiangreyhound]

Good luck Friedbrain.

When you start to explore this with a county council, local authority or a voluntary agency they will ask questions like, how long have you been together.

Money is only an issue in that you need enough to support a child and also you are usually asked to take a year of adoption leave, which obviously costs. Also if you are not currently working you may wish to find out how adoption leave (which is very similar to maternity leave) would be treated (in some jobs you need to be in post for a certain amount of time before you are entitled to it).

You do not mention your age or how long you have been thinking about this and I guess all these things will be talked about either on the phone, a an introductory/information evening or at a meeting at your home if you formally apply.

Feel free to ask more.

[Devora]

Hi Friedbrain, and welcome to the adoption board! Key issues jumping out to me are:

1. Which agency? As you're in London, you're in the lucky position of having loads of agencies on your doorstep. You don't have to go with your home local authority - in fact, some won't place in borough - so you should ring round a number to get a sense of which will work best with you. This is particularly important as a lesbian couple, because some agencies are far more positive about this than others. If you want to know which London agencies I have found most lesbian-friendly, please feel free to PM me.

1. Finance. No savings isn't an issue (I never have any) so long as you're financially stable. Crucially, you need to be able to explain how you will take time off work to care for the child. If you adopt a pre-schooler, they usually want to hear that you will take a year off work.

1. Housing. Two bed flat is fine, I think (I was approved to adopt in a 2 bed flat) but they will also want to know about your local community - does it have parks, decent schools etc.

1. Support networks. They will want to know that there are people there to support you, who can step in and look after your child if you're both ill etc.

1. Resourcefulness and resilience. You're not expected to be the perfect parent, but you have to demonstrate an openness of mind (to finding out about the particular needs of adopted children, to varying your parenting assumptions and practices), resourcefulness (being committed to find out what your child needs and if necessary to fight for it) and resilience (coping skills if things get tough, self-awareness, ability to understand your child's needs as separate from yours and prioritise accordingly).

Have you discovered the newfamilysocial website? It's the national network for lesbian and gay adopters and there's loads of useful stuff on there plus a discussion forum. adoption UK and BAAF also have lots of information for would-be adopters.