First day of the holiday and I've yelled at DD1 6yo, already! I know she has been having a hard time coming up to the school holidays. She hates change and lack of routine. She gets very sulky and stroppy and argues over everything constantly, even the smallest thing. (For example I suggested it was going to be a hot day and she said no it wasn't)
She has been bullying her 3 yo sister this morning, talking like a baby, sulking if her sister gets any attention and so I've tried all the techniques that her psychologist suggested. Noticing with her she is having a bad day. Wondering what this is about etc. this has led to her getting incredibly cross and she spent literally 20 mins crying and screaming like a toddler.
I tried cuddling her, leaving her and in the end just sat with her till it stopped. Mid way her sister started crying and wanted a cuddle which just made her ten times worse.
She has eventually calmed down. Not really sure if I helped or not. And she's now outside playing. We were supposed to go out today for a picnic. I don't know whether I should go or not. She will be distraught if we don't go but I don't know what I will do if she carries on like this at the park!
I don't know how we are going to get the through the summer holidays. All I want to do is go to bed and cry. I feel bad that I yelled at her when she was upset. I really shouted I just didn't know what to do, it had gone on so long and i was so frustrated! And she was being so jealous that her sister had started crying to and I couldn't just leave her to cry!
Dd2 doesn't want to play with her because she's being controlling and stroppy and this is making it worse! Sorry about the rant. I can't get hold of DH to talk to and had say something to somebody!
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Arrggh!!
RooCluckers · 24/07/2014 10:30
Aw poor you! First day of the holidays is always the worst. We are in Scotland and have been on holiday for a good few weeks now and things have settled.
Don't think anymore about the yelling apart from to acknowledge you are human!
Just show her you are there for her and love her. It really is all any of us can do at times. Can you ask her about the picnic....see if waiting til another day would be best? She might be happier playing outside at home, maybe even have a picnic in your garden? 
Hi Roo I am the worst, shouting sometimes and really getting drawn into arguments etc. 
- Try and stay calm, model that calmness and if you feel you are not able to do that and it is safe to do so, step out of the room for a minute to compose yourself.
- Try and see if there is anything under the behaviour that needs addressing, would a few reassuring words to dd1 before you cuddle dd2 help dd1 to know she is special, could she join you in giving dd2 a cuddle. My two are a bit jealous of each other, well really my birth dd 9 is very jealous of ds! So today when I was cuddling dd and ds said he needed a cuddle dd said lets both cuddle him. So we did, on the sofa and dd's Godmother, who was visiting, joined us (tentatively - she's not used to how rough they can be!) in a group hug.
- Try not to be drawn into arguments, I know I do! All the time! If you say it will be hot and she says it will not, ignore it. As long as she has her sun cream and hat on (or whatever you say she needs) before she goes out then you know it will be hot, she is dressed for it so so what if she does not see it! My dd is always arguing about unimportant things and I ALWAYS get drawn in, so I am giving myself advice as much as you!
- If dd1 needs to know the schedule, why not make one. Our social worker suggested doing one for our ds when he came. During the introductions we had a plan for what would happen each day with a picture (just clip art), e.g. making a cake or going to the zoo/park, playing in garden etc. You do not need to stick to it if the kids don't want to do it, you could plan the next day together, just one day ahead and make a picture for the plan together. It could include a lazy day with a film, a shopping trip, seeing friends, etc. I think I will do one myself! My kids do tend to like to do what we have said we will do so maybe best not to plan too far ahead. You can be open to change but if they are keen to stick to the plan then make sure weather will not alter what you will do.
Ha ha enough from me. I am talking to myself really!
Roo I am so with you! DD (6 in September) had a very similar morning - lost every one of her 20 pennies a day pocket money before 9.30, all for hitting me or DS, tantrummed repeatedly, kicked hell out of her bedroom door, threw her play kitchen across her bedroom, and when I lost my temper and shouted back (from about 10 feet away) kept yelling 'stop shouting in my face!'. I couldn't stop thinking 'oh god, this is only the first day of six weeks'.
Bet the SW was really glad she'd chosen today to visit, she really got both barrels from me about the LA dragging their feet on the support package I asked for . I may have actually said 'if the rest of the next 6 weeks is like this you can have her back, and if you think you can get a FC to take her for less than it'd cost to give me what I've asked for, have at it'. I would so not have spoken to her like that if I hadn't been on my last nerve, so maybe DDs behaviour was a blessing in disguise! Glad your day improved, hope tomorrow is a better one.
It's nice to have company though not nice we're all having the same difficulties!
Roo we are pre adoption order - I've said I'll put in the paperwork when I get (something close to) what I've asked for. I guess we'll see who blinks first - at the moment it won't be me!
Italian TV ban - I'm a single parent with 2 DCs, how would I get anything done!!?
Merry mine play with toys (at the moment anyway), but when they were first placed they didn't seem to know how to play, they just used to get absolutely everything out and then chuck it around.
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