About nine months ago DD1 (13 now, adopted at 4 months old) was arguing with me and told me that I didn't understand her because I wasn't her 'real mother'. She clearly felt that she had detonated a nuclear weapon and was rather shocked and awed by what she had done. I laughed, told her that I'd been waiting for her to say that for 12 years, that I probably would understand her better if I had undergone more grunting and blood when she was born (DD1 is an arbiter of irony) and that as far as I was concerned she was my real daughter. DD1 laughed too and the nuclear weapon was defused.
Both DDs have made it a point in the last few months to refer to their birth parents as their 'real parents'. I tend to smile and shrug and just say that they both seem very real daughters to me. They are both strongly attached, thriving children and I think they are using this to test and re-test my reaction.
Of course there is a little jab of pain every time they say it, even if DD2 (11, adopted at 12 months old) happens to be snuggled in my arms when she does so. However, I think for now I should let it go as this is probably about checking that their world is secure. At some point later, I may ask them to stop doing it as it hurts my feelings.
What do you think? Should I be handling this differently?
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My DDs are referring to their birth parents as their 'real' parents. Is my reaction the right one?
25 replies
Issy · 15/04/2014 20:29
OP posts:
MyFeetAreCold ·
16/04/2014 17:27
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