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Intros and beyond

14 replies

Maiyakat · 08/03/2013 12:26

I have been matched with a fabulous little girl, and if all goes well at panel intros will start in April! Grin

LO will be 11 months old at intros, which is a lot younger than I was expecting! I was wondering if anyone who has done intros with such a tiny one has any advice on how to make things go as smoothly as possible. I'm also a bit unsure about how to manage things initially after placement - I know I need to take things slowly with introducing her to family and friends, but as a single carer I will need to have some people involved relatively soon.

Thank you!

OP posts:
Happiestinwellybobs · 08/03/2013 13:44

Oh fabulous news :) We met DD a year ago. She was 10 months old. We took the lead from her FC and let DD make all the moves. We were fortunate that she was a sociable little girl and wasn't really fazed by us. Our FC let us get stuck in with nappy changing and baths quickly whilst making sure we were confident with it all. We discussed how it was going every day with the FC, took her suggestions on board and listened to her advice.

When we brought her home (after just over a week with her) we limited visitors to home for the first three weeks. That's not to say we didn't go out - we visited parents homes very briefly and went to the park etc. We tried to mirror things she had done with her FC. It was apparent that she needed stimulation as would get bored at home, so we started doing baby groups etc - and that helped me too. So my advice would be to keep intros to only those very close to you. For the first week we showed DD pictures of GP's and my sisters family as she met them pretty soon.

Good luck with it all :)

fasparent · 08/03/2013 16:22

Hi FC here, Happiestinwellybobs is spot on , can add nothing except use things such as clothing, toys, which LO comes with familier too her in smell, touch and sight introduce new stuff slowly. wish you all well for the future

Moomoomie · 08/03/2013 16:44

As above, keep things as much as she is used too.
Try and get a parent facing pushchair if you can, great for attachment as she will be able to see you as you are walking.
Keep to the same milk and bottles.
Keep her close when you get home, she may be too big for a sling, but I found a hippy chick hip seat invaluable.
Best wishes, a lovely baby. I miss my babies!!

Magslee · 08/03/2013 20:07

Congratulations! I'd sgree with whst the others have said. i spent most of the first week after my ds moved in just the two of us but going out every day to the park etc. I then started meeting with close friends in the park quite often but tried not to introduce too many people and kept meeting the same ones and then after a few meetings outside they would come to the house. I think it is important as a single adopter to see people early on - I would have gone mad quite fast otherwise - but just keep it low key - I told my friends to make it like we just bumped into each other and not make too much fuss of him and that worked well. Best of luck

FamiliesShareGerms · 08/03/2013 20:43

Oh congratulations! Nothing much to add to the above except don't underestimate how tiring intros will be, so make sure you have some support lined up for you during this time

sweetmelissa · 08/03/2013 20:46

Huge congratulations on your wonderful news!!!

Many years ago we adopted a six month old baby, having previously adopted her toddler brothers. I think so much depends on how you and the current foster carers work together, at what is an emotional time for both families. I remember we spent a week visiting the foster home to see the baby, doing slightly more as regards her care during each visit. We took one of her brothers with us each time to allow them to be introduced. The foster carer then visited our home with the baby, when again we would do a little more for her.

I also recall following the foster carer's routine for the baby, even if it was something I would personally not have done that way - obviously use the same milk formula/food/nappies for a while. Two little tricks that seemed to work. We left something behind (a jumper as I remember) that was impregnanted with our smell, that the baby slept with in the foster home - then once she came to us. she had teddies from the foster home that had their smell on them. That really seemed to help. I was so desperate to buy so many new clothes/toys and so on, but really it was better for her to play/wear her old familiar things for a while and introduce other things gradually.

We were always very strongly advised not to introduce our new baby to others for a few weeks or allow others to cuddle/feed her. I did intend to follow that but seeing the joy on our parent's faces when meeting the new addition, we threw that idea out of the window straight away! I am glad we did now, as she always had a wonderful relationship with her new grandparents, and we certainly never had any of the difficulties the SW had warned us of. Maybe we just got lucky, but really there was never any problem.

On the actual day the baby comes to live with you permenantly, I think I would recommend 'hand over' to be quick. It will be so emotional for everyone (and now I am a foster carer I realise how difficult it is from their side too) so I really think dragging that day out would be a mistake.

I wish you good luck on all the wonderful and exciting times to come, and hope you have a wonderful life together!

Maiyakat · 08/03/2013 22:15

Thank you all for the advice and lovely comments Smile

I have 2 parks close by, hopefully the weather will be ok so we can have lots of trips there!

My parents are quite low key people, so wont be too overwhelming - might need to keep an eye on some of my friends though!

OP posts:
HappySunflower · 08/03/2013 23:28


Things that worked well for us:

  • Introducing new people in a public place, for us that was usually a park.
  • No visitors at home for a good while, it depends on your child's history really, but we waited six weeks until anyone other than our social workers visited us at home.

-We didn't visit anyone else's home for a long time either, so that little one learned that home was home.
When people do visit, when you show them in, if you enter the room before them your child will not be so thrown by seeing someone new or different. his feels a rude thing to do to visitors but made a real difference to the way my child coped with new people in the early days.
  • Turn your heating up and vest tops to encourage skin to skin contact
  • Having a bath together helps to build trust and promotes positive attachment.
  • The Tomy talking photo album is a gat resource for use before, during and after introductions.
  • Find out what fabric softener/ washing powder the foster carers use. If you wash bedding, and your own clothes in this then all will smell familiar which may be of comfort in the early weeks.
  • Get plenty of sleep, as you'll need to bank up energy reserves for all the nights that you will spend standing next to your child's cot, looking at them in tearful disbelief that they are actually yours forever!
Italiangreyhound · 09/03/2013 00:01

Maiyakat congratulations, how wonderful.

Lilka · 09/03/2013 00:43

I don't believe i can add anything to the wonderful advice above, but huge Congratulations to you Maiyakat Grin

firenze2 · 09/03/2013 12:33

Congratulations, Maiyakat! That's great news. :)

Maiyakat · 25/04/2013 20:42

Just thought I should update...
My DD (how weird is it typing that! Grin) has been with me 2 weeks now. Her foster carers were fantastic and made intros as easy as they could be, although it was still very tiring and emotional.
We have been slowly getting out and about (including some 7am supermarket trips!) and meeting people. It was so lovely when she recognised her grandparents, they are well and truly wrapped round her little finger! She is a fantastic little girl and I feel very blessed.

OP posts:
Happiestinwellybobs · 26/04/2013 12:54

Oh that is lovely Maiyakat. Glad everything is going so well :)

Moomoomie · 26/04/2013 21:13

Thank you for updating, I have been thinking of you. So glad all is going well.

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