As the title says really. I just need to post this somewhere and this seemed the right place.
I always knew I was adopted, it was never a secret or really something that bothered me.
But natural curiosity always made me wonder about my biological mother. My mum (adopted one but she will always be mum to me) died 4 years ago, my dad died 19 years ago, and as I had no siblings, I felt rather lost in the world, so my curiosity stepped up a level and I thought I would try and find the woman who had given birth to me. It was luckily quite easy thanks to the power of the internet.
I had also been looking in the wrong country for the last decade when I made my half hearted searches, so no wonder I hit a dead end.
Anyway, I found her, right name, right age, living in the USA. And after a few glasses of wine last week, I just rang the number.
She answered.
Probably the most awkward stumbling introduction of my life, and I feel a bit bad for just springing the call on her, but hey, I figured she has had 42 years to wonder if one day I might just find her.
Well, we spoke for an hour, and I now dont feel like I have a missing piece of my personal jigsaw. She is going to write to me and send me photos.
The next night I also had a phone call from her neice, who is older than me by a few years and had always known of my existence. She said my BM was so utterly thrilled to have heard from me. She has spent the last year battling cancer and just been given the all clear, and hearing from me was her dream come true (thankfully!!).
That was last Thursday, and I have felt so wierd since then. In a good way. I always said while my parents were alive, I had no need to even find my birth mother, but after my mums death, I felt the need to find out more strongly than ever. I knew my BM would also be getting older (she is 68 now) and realised that if I kept hesitating, one day it would be too late. I am so glad that I have done it and it is so far going ok on both sides.
Thanks for reading my waffle. And if there is a better place I could have posted this, please advise me and I will ask for it to be moved.
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.
Adoption
Spoke to my birth mother after 42 years..
squeakytoy · 25/09/2012 21:47
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Good luck!
Does she know how alike you look? Can't imagine how surreal it will be when you first see eachother in the flesh but I hope it's surreal in the most wonderful way!
Have a lovely lovely time and I hope everything works out as you want it to xxx 
xxx
I dont regret it either.
The narcissistic bit is very hard to explain without it being long and drawn out. Basically, the whole family is pretty disfunctional.. mainly due to my mother and her sister, their string of failed relationships with wealthy men, and kids who were left to bring themselves up, (with no shortage of money, but clearly a shortage of attention).. one of my cousins comments was "you really want to thank fuck you were lucky enough to be adopted". 
Much of this has been in the past and has calmed itself down now as mother and aunt have got older, but I can see the hurt that is still there with my cousin. She only had two brothers, who both died at early ages (36 and 48) due to drink and alcohol problems, and she holds her mother indirectly responsible due to the lack of attention because she and my mother were out partying all the time as they were growing up and basically left them to sort themselves out.
As I say, its difficult...
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