How on earth do I learn a foreign language?

[User854]

My husband and young children are bilingual and I feel sad that I can’t speak to them in or understand the second language (we do one parent on language so all my husband’s communication with the children is in his language).

I’ve been using Pimsleur for a year or 2 now but I’m not getting very far. My memory is hopeless and it feels like an insurmountable task.

How do I get fluent/semi fluent in a foreign language as an adult? It must be possible but feels impossible.

I’m time poor and sleep deprived too which doesn’t help, but that won’t change for some years.

I knew basics from school then did reading and watching movies with subtitles. Do you watch cartoons on DH’s language with kids? It might be your first stage.

Not sure if there any different approaches for different language’s depending on language structure.

I would like to learn another language too. I’ve just started this week by listening to music in the language. A band that sings in the language and also people who cover English songs in the language on YouTube. I thought this would give me some basis for pronouncing words ect as a start. Now I’m on holidays too I am going to try watch tv shows or movies I know really well in the language. I’m just going for subconscious exposure for a while then will start actually learning. I’ve go an audiobook on it, and then I might look at an online diploma or something next.

I think it’s easier to immerse yourself in it - maybe have set times of the day when you only speak to them in that language?! Or night classes?

Duolingo. It worked for me. You can learn at whatever speed suits you, from 3 minutes a day to however long you want.

Duolingo is a good start. Then you can learn some of the basic words, try to pick them out when your dh and dc are talking to each other. Gradually add more until you can get a general sense of what is being said.

It'll go exponentially from there, given you have the language around you all the time.

I'm learning Spanish with Babbel. I do one live class each week which is brilliant. I would do more classes if I had more time. It isn't the cheapest, but I learned enough Italian through the app to get by in a place where hardly anyone spoke any English a few years ago. I wasn't perfect by any stretch, but I was understood. Once you get started you need to be using the language regularly, in a safe space where you won't be judged for getting things wrong.

Duolingo is a great place to start. I also really recommend listening to an audiobook of a book you know really well (Harry Potter!).

As a language teacher I'd say no online method will work well on its own. You really need to join a group class or find a one to one teacher. You have an advantage in that you are getting exposure to the language at home even if you're not speaking it. Alternatively can you not ask your husband to teach you at least the basics and practice with you when the children are in bed/at school?

The best way to learn a language is complete immersion. Could you go by yourself to the country and do an intensive course in a language school while staying with a local family? That would be the ideal. If not, is there a language school nearby where you could do total immersion classes? For instance, you can do that the Institut Francais in London and you see massive improvements after a short period of time. Many language schools will do intensive courses for people who are moving to a country, for instance, and need to get to a reasonable standard very quickly. Is something like that an option for you?

Use Translator app.

And how is that going to help her learn the language. What a (sorry but ) stupid comment.

Your husband should help you!

Online lessons or face2face
Books
Audiobooks
Podcasts
Music
Streaming in the language (use a vpn)
Holidays in the country
If possible find friends speaking the language

Would it be possible for you, and family, to go and spend extensive period (at least 1 month, but hopefully 3 to 6) in his home country or another country where his language is spoken. Full immersion supplemented by a good course.

Is there a university near you? They will do adult education classes. Or a language school where you live? When I studied a language at evening classes run by the university some of the evening learners used to have regular meetings with one of the foreign students at the university who had offered to meet up and chat with the evening class students in the language, in return he wanted a bit of talking in English to perfect his skills. We were also fortunate because our tutor was a native speaker of the language too.
Get your husband to talk to you solely in the language for X hours a week, no exceptions.

I started learning Italian with Duolingo & the Coffee Break Languages podcasts, then joined an online weekly class & now go to a face-to-face one. Duolingo & Coffee Break gave me a decent start but it’s the classes that have made the real difference.

You have the best resources already in your house… Your husband and children! I've lived abroad and the only people among my friends/colleagues who became fluent were those who hooked up with a local boyfriend or girlfriend :)

my husband speaks another language to me.

When we first got married we read a book about raising kids bilingually and it highly recommended that both spouses at least understood both languages, otherwise you end up having to translate for each other and it becomes much harder to maintain a bilingual house.

On the basis of that we went and lived in his country for 6 months. I did an immmersion course for 1 month and then lessons.
After the one month, we stopped using English at all when with family and friends. His sister was very tough about it, but also really good, she patiently re-explained things in simpler language, and slowed down and was never impatient. But also never used English.
By the end of the 6 months I was able to participate in a social occasion held entirely in the other language.

Immersion is truly the best way.
Once you have that groudn work then you can build on it with online course etc.

Do you ever go and visit his country? Could you plan to go eg a couple of weeks ahead and do a language course and then dh and kids join you and you visit his family, and encourgae everyone to speak in his langauge?

Vocab building - put post its on everything with the word on in the other language.

Join a conversation group. Listen to books/tv in that language.

If your DH taught your DC why can't you ask him to teach you? I think.in the beginning it's best to just listen and then move on to learning a few words like a small child learns, then a few phrases then sentences.

Duolingo. Which language ?

Duolingo
Michel Thomas
Read, start with your DCs books.
Watch everything in that language or with subtitles in that language.
Ask your DH to talk to you in that language.

Duolingo can be good, but it depends on the language. It's not great at teaching grammar, so I would try and get a grammar book alongside.

If you can get evening classes, thst will really help - many will start September, but a lot of providers have had funding slashed, so there's much less provision than there was. It also depends on the language.

There may be online classes - I'm learning a language via Zoom, and we have people from at least 2 other countries outside the UK, so timezones permitting, that might be an option.

Again it depends on the language, but some may have publishers which do books aimed at adult learners of different levels. There may also be magazines or online resources aimed at learners.

Otherwise, just getting newspapers, magazines, YouTube videos - anything in the target language. You're not going to understand it all at first, especially if it's aimed at native speakers, so don't be disheartened - but it will get you used to the sounds of it, to the look of the words - especially important if it's a non-Roman alphabet. Over time, you might pick out particular words then sentences. Documentaries can be easier - slower, more formal language than a fast-paced soap with arguments and slang terms.

Little and often every day if you can.

If you say what the language is, people may be able to point at specific resources- there could be a great variation depending on whether it's a European language, Asian, African, Chinese, but I bet there would be someone in MN who would know.

I have no special knowledge so don't wanna stuff up the OPOL method but...if you are in the UK and will remain here for some time, could you use DH's language with him, even in front of the children, even if you still speak English to the children? My Polish friends use mostly Polish at home, but like all the Polish kids who have grown up here , the children's English is excellent....since it's all around them outside the home and over half their screen time is in English they cannot help but grow up fluent.

@fungipie

goingtotown
"Use Translator app."

"And how is that going to help her learn the language. What a (sorry but ) stupid comment"

Don't be so rude. I am learning a language and use Duolingo and a translator app. The translator app is useful for me. I use the conversation function and it helps me practice my pronunciation. Some of the sounds are really difficult for me to say correctly so I practice until the translator app can understand me easily. It's really useful.

So I think you were unpleasant and wrong with your comment.

I agree with this, I am learning Hungarian and use a translator app, amongst other things, it helps with just those words in the sentence you don't know, eventually you become more familiar with a wider range of words. Repetition is needed to become fluent.