Help needed planning our wedding!

[Namerchanger1]

Partner and I have been together for a while and got 2 DDs (2&4). We got together later in life so children were our priority and now we are planning our wedding. The thing is, i am not sure what kind of thing I want. He feels the same, we almost have too much choice.

we dont want a £30k barn wedding, so the options are:

1. legal bit at a register office for bridal party of 10 then to a local pub for a party for 100
2. Festival style party in our garden for 100 (do the legal bit first, small group)
3. or cut the numbers right down, do something a bit more luxurious for 50 or so, either home or abroad

we have £15k to spend, could push it up a bit but don’t want to go crazy.

we do want the party element, so not keen just to go to register office tomorrow and get it done. We have wills etc in place and equal money, savings and income. No worries there

what would you do? What’s been the best wedding you’ve been to?

I would go for option 1.

Option 3. As a guest I don't see the point of going to weddings where I don't get to see the ceremony part.

Option 1, sounds nice and relaxed and a lot of fun!!

Yep. But that’s why we are thinking pub or something for the 100, or cutting the numbers down to make it a bit nicer for those who do go

we could afford more, but seems like a bit of a waste compared to paying off more of the mortgage or something!

We’d do a blessing of some sort for guests to see a ceremony on site, whatever option we go for

Later this year I'm getting married. We are having a church service (matters to me) followed by hiring the top floor of our local gastro pub - sit down dinner then local band. Whole lot is under £5k so definitely in budget (they are changing me £50 a head for a 3 course meal which I'm designing the menu with the chef!)

Definitely talk to independent/small chains especially those without a wedding licence

@pitchfever

£15k is lots , you can easily have a wedding including everything for far less without compromise

That’s a lovely idea

£15k is a good budget. For reference, We got married at a beautiful winery, intimate ceremony with 30 guests at the venue. Under an arbour at a large pond on the land, in front of their stone barn. 3 course sit down meal for 30 people, welcome drinks for all, 1/2 bottle of wine for each person on the table, a glass of prosecco for each person for speeches. Then we had a live band in the evening, and a dj for the night, simple food for evening guests....80 of them. We had a photographer for 12 hours to capture the whole day. We stayed for two nights at the venue, the night before and night of the wedding, so we could set up and decorate the day before and there was no stress of getting to the venue on time. I wanted the wake up, get married, eat and party and sleep all at the same place so I could fully relax and enjoy the day and not stress about transport etc
Our wedding cost £11,000. With dress, suit, cake, rings, flowers, flower girl dresses, favours and table decorations. Literally every single thing included. And, to sound not too snooty, it wasn't at all tacky. Our favours were handmade candles in jars and the table decorations were vintage brass candlesticks with ivy and satin table runners....

You can definitely do a lot with your budget.

I mean chiffon table runner 🙄😂

How pretty, where is this?

I like the festival in the garden vibe I think that would be fabulous.

Unless the weather doesn’t agree.

@Namerchanger1
In Cornwall.
It genuinely was a breathtaking day for my DH and I.

how long ago was this?
how much was your venue hire? dress? and how much set aside for food and drink?

@trackertoo
We got married in 2022 so of course prices will be higher now.

Venue hire was £3000 including the 2 nights stay.
Food was £1700 for 30 people and 6 children.
Drinks were £700.
Dress was £1000 including some alterations (I did my own hair and make up).
Grooms suit was £500.
Photographer was £1000
Folk band was £700 and they included a dj set in their price.
Flowers were around £100 for my bouquet and the buttonholes as my mother in law provided the rest of the flowers from her flower garden, and I wanted mostly ivy and ferns which I collected from the fields and walks around my village.
And the rest of the money went on other bits for table decorations and glass vases for the flowers, brass candle sticks (from the charity shops) little bits like the little jars and soy wax for the candle favours.

I will add that, the venue had a clause that you could only use their catering and you had to spend a minimum of £1000 I believe. But it still worked out incredibly well priced for an entire private hire venue, with 2 night stay.

Option 1 but with smaller numbers and let them see the ceremony and use the saved money for something else

I hate going to weddings where I don't actually get to see the vows. It's pointless to me. It says "you're not important enough to hear our vows but please come to the party and bring a gift"

I'd hate that. I want to see the actual ceremony not "some sort" of blessing. Like a re run

You and your partner have both agreed that the party but is important. Next is to work out who is important to invite as that will make other decisions for you. You have an elderly relative that you would want to be there but they have limited mobility, that limits you to a venue close to where you (or they) live. You have a sister that is a teacher and therefore you’re limited to weekends or school holidays and if abroad then you’re travelling in school holidays and therefore it’s more expensive for guests. Your best friend is struggling at the minute and so can’t afford a room in a £600 a night hotel or to go abroad, so you look for a local wedding. Also ask yourself if you’d like this person enough to buy them dinner at any other point, if not, they don’t make the cut.

This will give you an idea of whether you only want 50 people there, whether you’re local or further away.

When you know your numbers and general location you can start looking for a venue. There’s a whole range of options but don’t discount some of the traditional options. We used a best western hotel for our wedding. They were doing a deal for 50 day guests and 100 evening guests. It’ll be more now because we got married 8 years ago. A lot of people refer to them as cookie cutter weddings and don’t like the individuality. However, we liked it because everything was included (table cloths, runners, seat decorations, DJs, centrepieces, food), rooms were cheap for guests to stay (even local ones), they had great accessibility for my elderly relatives who wouldn’t have been able to manage a more remote location.

Two of the best wedding I have been to were in the bride's garden.

On literally, it was in Australia.

The other there was a church bit and then we partied at the house and in the garden, including an England / Scotland football match with the bride in goal.

3 The best wedding I’ve been to was in France. It wasn’t fancy, beautiful scenery but meh venue with DIY decor and 50 guests or so. They went all out on the food and drink and swapped speeches for much more fun entertainment.

As long as it’s not going to cause problems with your family, I would prioritise guest experience over number of guests.