Do you let your child play in the dirt?

[GoldBar]

Just curious to know what other parents' views on this are.

I was out last week with two parents with different approaches (mine is somewhere in the middle). We were sitting having coffee in an outside cafe with a garden and small play area, with grass, dirt and muddy puddles from sprinklers. Parent 1's children (aged 5 and 3) started playing with stones and twigs in the dirt, building piles of them, and ran through the muddy puddles in the grass and held their hands under the sprinklers, getting wet and filthy. Parent 1 didn't say anything. Parent 2's child (4) went to do the same but Parent 2 told them to come back and sit at the table if they were going to be 'naughty' and not play nicely. Parent 1 smiled and said she was ok with her children getting wet and dirty because they do it all the time and she always brings spare clothes. Parent 2 said she brings spare clothes too but she thinks children should be taught to look after their clothes and not get dirty just for the sake of it.

[81Byerley]

My ex mother in law is 92 now. She was telling me that when her nephew was 14 he asked her if she would take him in if both his parents died. He was a very much loved and pampered only child, and she had five kids and was a very much "rough and ready" sort of mum. She told me that when she looked after him for the day, he'd be stripped of all his clothes including underwear, dressed in her children's clothes, and then bathed and changed back before his Mum collected him. She said he was always the filthiest of the children at the end of the day, because he wasn't allowed to get dirty at home.

[DanielTigersMummy21]

I'd never stop DC from playing in the mud due to preserving her clothes.

I do often stop her playing in the mud/leaves outside in places where dogs are taken to go to the toilet.

[Spidey66]

Don't have kids, but if I did I'd be parent 1. A bit of muck is good for their immunity and dirty clothes can go in the machine. Plus I'd be the parent who buys clothes from Primark or supermarket....no point on spending a fortune on kids clothes (except maybe shoes) if they're going to grow out of them in five minutes. So if they're past saving, it ain't the end of the world.

Let kids be kids!

Don't a lot of schools do forest school? A way of exploring nature and getting grubby!

[MaryBoBary]

Sorry OP, I missed the part about it being at a cafe. If the children did not need to go back into the cafe at all, and the muddy area was a designated play area then I'm still parent 1. However, if the children were going to need to traipse muddy footprints through the cafe in order to leave, or were just churning up part of the cafe garden into a mud pond, then no. That's not ok and I would definitely be parent 2.

[MaryBoBary]

I'm parent 1, my friend was parent 2. She just seemed so much more stressed all the time. Worried about sticky hands and dirty clothes. They weren't playing with sharpies. It was nothing a bath (which they would have regardless) wouldn't wash off.

My parents were parent 2s but not just with dirt, with everything. Their standards were always impossibly high. It was quite a miserable childhood and I want the exact opposite for my son. The only real rules I have involve good manners and attitude or safety. Everything else is unnecessary to me.

[MyMabel]

@ilovebagpuss I completely agree. As kids we were constantly playing in dirt and as gross as it sounds now we weren’t the type of children that would come in from outside and wash our hands before eating dinner either. Me and my siblings are very rarely ill, the poorliest I’ve ever been was with a bad case of tonsilistis at 20 years old, I hardly ever get colds, never had flu, I’ve never had a stomach bug (might have as a young child but from as far as my memory extends I’ve never had one)

My cousins however, we’re brought up completely the opposite, weren’t allowed to get dirty, we’re told to stay out of the dirt, hand washing for the tiniest thing. They are ill constantly, always on antibiotics, always off work and/or at the doctors for something or another. I 100% believe it’s because they just didn’t have enough exposure as children.

[ilovebagpuss]

There has been a lot of research into immunity benefits of kids getting mucky and being exposed to all sorts in the early years. Obviously you don’t have to dress them in best clothes for a play day so it shouldn’t be about ruining clothes.
I was always in the get mucky club and incidentally mine have only had antibiotics about twice so far in 14 years.
A friends children who are in the yuk it’s dirty group must have a bottle of kids antibiotics permanently in the fridge the amount of times they are on them for some little infection or bug. The friend was always on them immediately with wipes as well if they touched anything. Mine would play on a walk then eat a biscuit for example without being wiped down with bleach first.

[rantymcrantface66]

@Comedycook

I think there's a lot of smugness on this thread. I think it's important to remember that being parent one often comes from a place of immense privilege. If you're middle class then you know if people see your child covered in mud with no shoes on, they will not doubt your ability to provide the basics for your child. You also don't care if a pair of shoes gets covered in mud or wrecked because you can easily but another pair. If your child has one pair of white trainers and that was it, you might be more concerned about them getting destroyed.

I don't agree with this. As a single parent on a very low income I can't say I care less what others think of my dc are muddy or their clothes marked although i certainly wouldn't dream of buying them white trainers, or white anything else for that matter outside of school polo shirts. My dc having fun is more important than what a judgemental idiot might think of me. I agree though with a pp that it is often those who buy expensive clothing and always have their dc dressed up as if they are doing a catalogue shoot for a Spanish clothing range who are like this. I'd say fair enough if in best clothes and stopping at a cafe on the way to a party or a day out such as cinema or museum but if you're just heading home or to the park after then they can crack on with the sprinkler

[JoborPlay]

@Terriblecreature

Oh and I should add, my kids r dressed in what I consider nice clothes (literally everything is from Zara) but I have just become really really good at stain removal lol

Please teach me!

[MrsSkylerWhite]

Parent 1. Bit of dirt is good for building immunity.

[Terriblecreature]

Oh and I should add, my kids r dressed in what I consider nice clothes (literally everything is from Zara) but I have just become really really good at stain removal lol

[Terriblecreature]

In the grand scheme of life how important is dirty clothes? Much rather my kids have a good time. Plenty of time as an adult to decide if clothing is important to them or not. I am with parent 1

[MyMabel]

Parent 1 unless going to an occasion where she needs to stay clean.

Dirt, grub and fun are what make children so resilient.

[HeyGirlHeyBoy]

Exactly 'JoborPlay*

[Patapouf]

Parent 1. I don't think children should be taught to play a certain way and I wouldn't intervene and interfere unless the game was unsafe for them/someone else. Playing with mud is good!!

[JoborPlay]

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I think there's a lot of smugness on this thread.

I agree. Smiling indulgently while your children bathe their clothes and shoes in mud is not something everyone is in a position to do.

I'd disagree to be honest. The "parent 2s" I know spend loads of money on clothes, which is why they don't want their kids getting messy. I on the other hand dress mine in hand me down freebies, bundles bought off market place and the odd bit of supermarket stuff to make up gaps. .

[JoborPlay]

35andThriving

Thanks, I just wanted to understand.

[TheYearOfSmallThings]

I think there's a lot of smugness on this thread.

I agree. Smiling indulgently while your children bathe their clothes and shoes in mud is not something everyone is in a position to do.

[Comedycook]

I think there's a lot of smugness on this thread. I think it's important to remember that being parent one often comes from a place of immense privilege. If you're middle class then you know if people see your child covered in mud with no shoes on, they will not doubt your ability to provide the basics for your child. You also don't care if a pair of shoes gets covered in mud or wrecked because you can easily but another pair. If your child has one pair of white trainers and that was it, you might be more concerned about them getting destroyed.

[Susannahmoody]

Parent 1 all the way.

Potions is popular chez nous I. E mixing mud and water together, sprinkling grass in, etc et

[35andThriving]

JoborPlay - I answered honestly, I completely recognise myself in parent 2.

I would let my ds join in, and wouldn't say anything out loud but inside I wouldn't be very relaxed. I recognise this is my issue (and ds would never know I disapproved). I would worry about his clothes getting "wrecked" and "wasted". I am not sure why I have these worries to be honest.

I have had conversations with dh about this sort of stuff, and have just decided to follow his lead and try and override my own feelings of discomfort because ds deserves to have as much fun as possible. I have deliberately sent ds to Forest School in the past so he can have fun in the outdoors and get a bit dirty too.

It's just I would be lying if I claimed to be a parent 1 when my nature is very much a parent 2. I suppose I'm a parent 2, impersonating a parent 1 for ds's sake.

[ellenpartridge]

In that scenario at a cafe, parent 2. I wouldn't have spare clothes for my child as would not have expected her to get soaking wet. I can't let her get soaking wet and stay in sodden clothes. So basically it's not the time or place for it! Messy or muddy, wet etc play in general ok but it doesn't sound to me like it was appropriate there and I wouldn't want my child to get stuck in at that time.

[Oblomov21]

Depends. On location and planning.

If you go to a willows school, outside school, where they have mud kitchens and build amazing stuff it's planned.
I didn't normally carry changes of clothes with me every day, when ds's were little.

[JoborPlay]

@35andThriving

I am a parent 2.

Can you explain why?

[ThatsNotMyReindeer]

Parent 1 here. DS is autistic, won't entertain "artificial" messy play at all, won't touch shaving foam, slime or anything, but give him mud, sand, stones, water etc. And he'll play for hours