How to respond to being told you are rich

[Walkingaline]

I have a good friend who is very presumptuous about what I have or haven’t. I asked their opinion on buying something today and they told me to buy the bigger model because I am “rich” . I have had this comment before and tbh they know nothing about what I have or have not but I work hard I am definitely not Rich. I am comfortable but I will probably need to work for many more years if I lost my job tomorrow I would be in strife quickly enough . I don’t want to have to explain myself to them and not should I have to but I would love to say something but don’t know what .

[LindaEllen]

I don't know why people have to comment on other people's financial situations.

DP's parents do this to us ALL the time. 'Why don't you do x, y, z, you've got the money!' or 'Come on, get this done, it's not like you're short on money!'

But the thing is, I don't have a CLUE where they think all this money is that we've got. We're gradually doing our house up as we can afford to, DP is on 20 hours a week and I have a good job but I'm self employed and had nothing this past year thanks to covid. We run a small business together hence DP's 20 hours a week, but again, that's been so difficult this past year.

Even when things are normal, it's enough for us to live on, run two cars, and gradually get the house done - nothing more.

[Bluesheep8]

I asked their opinion on buying something today and they told me to buy the bigger model because I am “rich” . I have had this comment before

Don't ask their opinion then

[ScrollingLeaves]

It can be another way of saying “You have what I don’t.”

Sometimes some people have a point of view where they see themselves against the world and perceive everyone else is better off when it’s not true. In fact it may be the other way round and the person they say is “ richer” is poorer. It can can from sort of loss or lack in childhood or the parents’ childhood I think.

But no one can tell in this case. It could be simple truth.

[Snog]

This is a crack in your relationship.
It's super annoying to be called rich if you don't feel rich.
And it's insensitive of you friend to say this.
It's ok to tell her how this makes you feel.

[HeronLanyon]

I don’t see anything odd about asking a friend about a purchase.
But
I have some friends who I wouldn’t dream of discussing expensive purchases with because I know they aren’t in a position to afford similar/would love to have whatever it might be etc. It would feel flaunting even if not meant to be. Could this be involved op? Do you think maybe friend is tired of hearing about your spending plans and just kind of snapped ?
If someone said - ‘get that one - you can afford it and it’s better’ I wouldn’t think anything. ‘You’re rich’ sounds as though they’re fed up.

[TheDuchessofDukeStreet]

Tell her it’s very vulgar to discuss money.

[Skengman]

@Kendodd

Would you prefer people think you're poor?

What wrong with people thinking you're poor? It's not shameful to be poor.

Of course there is nothing wrong with being poor. At all. But poverty is definitely shamed. Online and irl.

[HelgaDownUnder]

Tell her you didn't get rich signing up for pointless upgrades you don't need. Offer to explain to her how it works, if she's interested.

[stayathomer]

I think it's odd to ask a friend which (expensive?) item you should buy and then complain that they are commenting on your finances.
Where's the rule book on asking advice on buying something? Unless it was about a mansion or a race car of course you'd say to your friend about a purchase!! OP: answer next time: 'I wish!' Try to forget about it though, you can never change someone's opinion of you

[MustardRose]

What exactly was it you were buying that you asked their opinion of?

[ArosGartref]

Just ignore it and enjoy your new horse.

[ScrollingLeaves]

Is your friend evidently a lot poorer than you?

Is she assuming you are rich because of some aspect of your life she associates with having a lot of money?

There is not much you can say.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"You don't have to be on MN very long to realise that people on MASSIVE salaries on here have no concept of how fortunate they are, compared with the overwhelming majority of society."

Oh yeah and they won't even say high salary, let alone massive. They call it 'decent'.

[HollowTalk]

I'd just roll my eyes.

[partyatthepalace]

Is she much poorer than you though?

If she is on her uppers I would be sensitive and say oh I am not, a few times and then if that doesn’t work ask her to stop saying it. If she’s not broke I would just say you aren’t and her assuming you are is annoying so please stop.

[BillyIsMyBunny]

No advice but I feel your annoyance. I have a friend who is always referring to how well off I am and how well paid I am etc. In reality whilst my teacher’s salary is comfortable it is not particularly high for a professional career and considering I’ve been in full time work since leaving Uni, plus because I live alone I have fairly high outgoings. Friends works part time in a minimum wage job but this is largely through choice and he has very low outgoings (namely subsidised rent) so he actually ends up with more disposable income than me plus is far less time-poor but because on paper my salary is twice his he constantly referring to my income as if I am rich.

[BackforGood]

@CliftonGreenYork

I think that no matter how much money people have, they never generally think they are rich. You just end up buying more expensive things, bigger houses, fancier cars, luxury holidays etc.

This is exactly what I was going to say.

You don't have to be on MN very long to realise that people on MASSIVE salaries on here have no concept of how fortunate they are, compared with the overwhelming majority of society.

Also

I think it's odd to ask a friend which (expensive?) item you should buy and then complain that they are commenting on your finances.

This ^.

[PixieDust28]

With this.

[Mymycherrypie]

Yeah same, I hear “comfortable” and think - yeah, rich. Because the standard for a lot of people is “struggling”.

I’d just not ask a friend who maybe isn’t in a good financial position, about your purchases.

[SisterAgatha]

Maybe you are rich. Maybe I’m rich. Maybe she’s rich. Who knows, you don’t know her finances either.

[Gwenhwyfar]

@CliftonGreenYork

I think that no matter how much money people have, they never generally think they are rich. You just end up buying more expensive things, bigger houses, fancier cars, luxury holidays etc.

Exactly. Someone is rich and it's not just the 1% is it? When people say 'well off' or 'comfortable' I usually take that to mean rich, but they don't want to say it as rich is always someone more rich.

[RandomUsernameHere]

"Rich" and "poor" are entirely relative. To her you appear to be rich. It doesn't really require a response, although it's a bit of an odd comment for her to make.

[Gwenhwyfar]

@Muddydoor

Respond “ you be more rude”, a la friends?

It's not rude to say that someone is rich so that would be a silly answer.